Who would remember Shaft (1971) without the title song by Isaac Hayes? Certainly no one with whom any of us would consort—that’s for sure. Would there have even been a Shaft (2000) to give Christian Bale the opportunity to polish up his villain act for American Psycho? One wonders how much more Charlie Sheen would have been able to get away with if he had a real theme song [seriously, don't click the preceding link] for that weekly atrocity that he stars in with Duckie from Pretty in Pink. The point is that theme songs are important. I have some theme music. You might have guessed that because I’m writing this anthropology. But mine varies depending on the situation. Read the rest of this entry →
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February 25, 2011 in My Dull Life
Many, many years ago, there existed an exquisite snack that was pure perfection. This delicious taste treat was packaged and sold in a simple way, sans the fancy fonts and foil of Pepperidge Farm or the utilitarian weltschmertz of ChocoLeibniz. This sweet thing, this chewy delight was the Snackwell’s Fudge Brownie. Read the rest of this entry →
As many of you know, whatever the ultimate consequences are, Wordsmoker promotes robotic research and development. It is the opinion of many of our staff writers that this fledgling science has been dragging along with boxy, delivery droids and self-propelled vacuums. It is with some trepidation that we announce that after a lame hiatus, scientists and engineers are once again advancing toward global robot domination with frightening implications. The following robot videos appeared on i09—a Denton offshoot that tries to be all futuristic, but fails to make the proper connections. Thanks, i09, I guess.
Please do not let young children or olds view your computer monitor. Read the rest of this entry →
February 23, 2011 in Personal
When I was almost seven years old I ate two liverwurst sandwiches on seeded rye bread. With dark, spicy mustard. Washed both of them down with one glass of milk. I did this on a Saturday afternoon at the table in the tiny kitchen where on a different Saturday Butch the parakeet flew out of the window. Before he made his break he hovered at the window, his blue head tilting twitchy lefts and rights. He fluttered in the air above the sill, landed on his bird feet and paused. He looked up at the sash, back at me and he was gone. This was not the order of things and I worried. Would I be in trouble? Would I be blamed for Butchie’s escape? Should I have told him not to fly out the window that she had left open? When he said goodbye I knew I’d never see him again. Read the rest of this entry →
In what has to be a new low for the British Monarchy, Queen Elizabeth II has stooped to scamming innocent Americans out of their personal data. I was contacted by her Majesty’s Treasurer today via email requesting personal information to be used in the transferring of $7.5mm into my bank account within the next 72-hours. She met late last week with her advisers to discuss me and the inheritance money belonging to me. Read the rest of this entry →