Wordsmoker

I went to the University of Suck My Dick, you asshole. There’s nothing you can’t tell me that I haven’t already dismissed as bullshit.

I got an infinite number of monkeys in my brain and they’re telling me to punch you right in the eye, Einstein.

So don’t gimme none of that ya ya ya and hoo hoo hoo, ’cause I just checked my watch and it’s half past get the hell out of my way.

The newspaper’s just a bunch of hogwash. The only reason I take it is to look at my girlfriend’s Astrograph, not because I don’t think it’s bullshit but because I know she’s gonna see it, and if it says that romance is gonna sizzle then by god it better sizzle or I won’t hear the end of it for a week.

Everybody’s gonna get their fifteen minutes of Campbell’s soup. I’ll get mine when I wring your neck. You’ll get yours when your neck is wrung. Ring! Ring! Ring! This is your wake-up call, bonehead.

I love it when you first notice the trees in spring. You’ve done your time and by god enjoyed it through the frigid winter, but then comes the slushy brown that stays and stays and stays, the sky forever grey. You’re sad, you find yourself sad a lot, not not often, but a lot, then the chill comes off and it’s nothing but wet and muddy, everything full of shit. But then without you knowing it everything’s growing again, and there comes a time, you missed the whole damn process being so damn pissed off, there comes a time when all of a sudden everything is so green and alive, this explosion of color and smell and life and love and you feel like you’ve got a fucking patent on contentment.

Then the mosquitos show up, you fucking pisshead, so pipe down with your incessant buzzing and whining in my ear. I know you, you’re nothing but a great big clown wearing great big shoes going honk honk honk. You say you went to “J-School”? Haha. Jerk. Why don’t you go back there and get out of my face?