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Ten New Year’s Resolutions From Facebook Nation

January 3, 2011 in Facebook

You can learn many important things about the human condition by reading Facebook status updates. OK, not really … but it’s fun to do anyway! And thanks to a search site called Open Book, you can read Facebook users’ status updates from around the world on any topic you choose.

This past weekend, I typed in the search term “resolution” to see what New Year’s resolutions were being made by the world’s Facebook users at the dawn of 2011. (By the way, if you don’t want your Facebook status updates exposed to the whole world, you might want to make a New Year’s resolution to change your privacy settings.)

Some  of the more interesting results I came up with are contained within. Let’s take a look, shall we?


Barry is either overweight or very nearsighted. Either way, he’s resolved to do something about it!

Gina knows how to set attainable goals.

Sean has priorities!


Dale is mulling the mullet option.



Taylor will just have to take things one eyeliner-free day at a time.



There goes Dylan … resolving to stop saying things again!



Nicolette’s resolution didn’t make it far past midnight, apparently.


Renee resolved to do two easy things instead of one difficult one. I’ve tried that … and it works!



There comes a time in every man’s life when he must hang up the white shoes. For Alan, that time has arrived.

Allez-y, Alexis! Pisse en bonne santé!

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    I hung up the white shoes about 12 years ago.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/geodejane/ GeodeJane

    @ MisterHippity:
    Was it saddening to do so? Imagining of all those classic white buck ties with their red rubber soles exiled to the Island of Unloved Shoes is a sad picture, indeed. But at least Alan is going to fill that emptiness in his heart with a nice girl. Happy New Year!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    So I went to OpenBook to see if it could find me. It did not but I learned that someone named Kacie Stafford thinks that someone named Nicollette Lynch “is a bitchasshoe ;) ” I think that is a bad thing but I am not sure anymore.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/renesance/ Rene Sance

    Does anyone else hear an “LOL” after every one of those?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @Barry: Autogenital Voyeurism is entirely over-rated.

    Now, I’m going to wait and see if Barry reads this.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/rhea-pollstry/ Rhea Pollstry

    My resolution is also to wear less eyeliner. I’m thinking of going with fake lashes.

    PS: Shouldn’t the white shoes have already been hung up on Labor Day?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/jamaica007/ jamaica007

    White shoes … I need a pair for the next in session season.

    Really these are resolutions..???

    I resolve to change to superficial, trivial and trite that which truly have no meaningful gratification.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    Dylan might want to learn how to spell Sade before he claims to be married to her. Unless he meant Chardonnay, in which case, carry on, Dylan. Some of us would love to married to a bottle of wine; some of us already are.

    And let’s face it: with a name like Dale, a mullet is a given. I’m pretty sure he meant “regrow the mullet I lost that time I drank too much Red White & Blue and Breanna/Brianna got pissed as shit and chopped it off while I was passed out in the gutter outside our sweet little single-wide.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nodebutante/ NoDebutante

    Resolution: do not friend any of those people.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Someone should tell Alan that girls don’t normally settle down with the sort of guys that don white shoes. In fact the sort of guys who don white shoes don’t much care for girls, in my experience.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    I guess I’m thinking white patent leather shoes, a la Elton John c. 1978. Of course I didn’t really think about sneakers which renders my whole previous observation moot and rather stoopid. Oh well. Apologies for the stoopid comment. Bad week.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/irishbreakfast/ irishbreakfast

    I too resolve to become a redhead. I think that saying “you go, girl” might help, particularly if I am wearing so much eyeliner that I resemble a racoon.
    @Gerbs: shouldn’t that be a double-wide? Or am I setting the bar too high?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/militantrubberducky/ MilitantRubberDucky

    I can not resolve to be a redhead (again) because as much as I love it, it does not love me. In my heart, though, I am Jessica Rabbit.

    I can not look at this site at work due to the pissy firewall, so I’ll have to save that for home.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/kitten-witawip-2/ Kitten Witawip

    @ BJonston: I read that the same way. Alan has decided to hang up his white Capezio jazz oxfords and take a walk on the mild side. However he will keep his piano keys tie. It will come in handy when he takes a job as the high school music teacher.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    Irish: I think double-wide might be pushing it. You have to work hard and save up to get to the double-wide, you know. Those extra cinder blocks ain’t gonna pay for themselves.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/irishbreakfast/ irishbreakfast

    @ gerbilsinlove:
    @ Gerbs (the comments have gone wonky): I had a close relative who lived in a double wide. One day, when drunk, he decided that the best way to kill a mouse that had set up house in his kitchen was to shoot it. He used a shotgun, and blew out the whole side of the kitchen, set things on fire and was, in general, a spectacular example of how some generalizations are apt. I have no idea what happened to the mouse.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    Here’s hoping that everyone pisses in the very best of health in 2011!

    And I’m not just saying that … I really mean it!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    @ irishbreakfast:
    Holy shit, this made me laugh hard.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    @ BJonston:Me, too, and I bet it scared the shit out of that mouse.