The Magnanimous Gesture of Virginia Thomas

October 21, 2010 in Crazy Wingnut News

Ginny Thomas, conservative activist and wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, raised hackles this week when she left a voice message for Anita Hill, whose accusations of sexual harassment against Mr. Thomas at his confirmation hearings nearly 20 years ago riveted, and divided, the nation.

The hostility and disrespect Ms. Hill faced from many of the Senators back then is scarcely conceivable today.  Thomas was confirmed and has since served as arguably the least distinguished member of the Court in living memory.

Nonplussed by reality, Ms. Thomas asked Ms. Hill to “consider an apology sometime and a full explanation” for what she did to her husband, and to “pray about this.”  She later characterized her call as “extending an olive branch” in order to “get past what happened so long ago.”

There is historical precedent for such outreach.  Earlier this year, researchers at the University of Washington unearthed letters written by survivors of the infamous Donner Party to the families of those they had cannibalized.  One such letter, from a Mr. Angus, complained that one Phil Smith, 17, had been “a bit gamey” and had caused Angus “vexatious stomache trubels.”  Angus requested 3 mules and a pound of chewing tobacco from Smith’s family as compensation.  It is unknown whether he received the tobacco.

Attempts at reconciliation have been popping up left and right in the news ever since Ms. Thomas left her message:

  • Carl Paladino, Republican candidate for governor of New York, announced that he would meet with Native American tribal leaders to discuss the building of new casinos as soon as they repaid the $24 they were given in beads, cloths, and trinkets for Manhattan. Paladino said that the overpayment was due to the “bloated bureaucracy and runaway spending policies ” and “catering to special interests” of the Minuit administration.

  • John Lennon’s killer, Mark David Chapman, was so moved by accounts of Ms. Thomas’s overture that he reached out to Yoko Ono from his cell at the Attica Correctional Facility.  He asked Ms. Ono to acknowledge that she and John had indeed stepped in front of him on line at an ATM on the evening of December 8, 1980, and to stop opposing his parole applications.

  • During his weekly general audience on Wednesday, Pope Benedict unveiled a new ecumenical program aimed at healing long-simmering rifts with Jews.  Expressing the Vatican’s desire to get past the mistrust caused by the Crusades, innumerable pogroms, and forced conversions, the Pope asked that Jews apologize and provide a full explanation for centuries of drinking the blood of Christian children, poisoning wells throughout Europe, and hoarding financial institutions.  The same day, the Institute for Historical Review said they were willing to let bygones be bygones if only the Jews would finally admit to making up the Holocaust.


  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I am going to go to the families of those innocent people that I framed for unsolved murders back in the 90′s and demand restitution for the mental anguish that it caused me.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    This is most elegant. Very nice.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/hydroceph/ Hydroceph

    Yeah, that’s about right. Of course, the only people who haven’t “gotten past” what happend during the confirmation hearing are the Thomases and Ms. Hill. Come to think of, she seemed like a class act, so it’s probably just the Thomases, fondling their outrage until the ecstasy overwhelms them and Clarence has to doze through another hearing.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    @Hydroceph: I’d bet that even Clarence would be over it (or at least like it to go away) and this is just Mrs. Thomas’s passive agressive way to get at him.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mediahohoho/ mediahohoho

    I think I read somewhere that the White Star had been quietly contacting the descendants of Titanic passengers and discreetly asking them if they were ready to apologize for their part in its sinking. Also, Dick Cheney would like us all to apologize for letting him drunkenly shoot an old man in the face.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mediahohoho/ mediahohoho

    That would be White Star Line.

  • http://www.pennydanger.com Penny Danger

    I have an answer for those who have the audacity to attempt stupid questions and requests.
    You’ll find it here in the chorus:

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @Mh3: You’ve got it wrong. Cheney is a class act. He’s only expecting an apology from Harry Whittington. Of course he did make it a demand.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/blix/ Blix

    I wish Mary Todd Lincoln would finally have the class to apologize to John Wilkes Booth for being so selfish to sit in a balcony seat which led to him breaking a leg thus spoiling what would have been the best theatrical comeback evar. Come on Mary, this is Thea-THAH…be a trooper.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    If Jeffrey Dahmer was still alive, I am sure he would be within his rights to ask for an apology from his victims’ parents for producing children that grew up to be so damned tasty.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/blix/ Blix

    @Gerbs: They were magically delicious.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nodebutante/ NoDebutante

    I have heard that George W. Bush will offer free tickets to his presidential book-thingy if the residents of the Gulf Coast will take back the ugly words about what he should have done after ol’ what’s her face — yeah, Katrina — and just ‘member him like that day he was standin’ on the rubble with the real heroes. And that time in the flight suit, ’cause that was another good day.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    Blix: Do you think he ate the marshmallow stars first, or the fruity artificially-flavored brains?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mediahohoho/ mediahohoho

    On behalf of the United States of America, I would like to apologize for the war of Northern Aggression and for y’all shit about the whole slavery thing. Clearly, our bad.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    I, for one, would like to apologize to all the men who were denied a place in law school – and eventually, my position with my current employer – just so I could achieve some sort of ditzy-assed career fulfillment. I mean, I still have to clean the house and make dinner and take care of the kid. Who am I kidding? Men, I’m sorry!

    Awesome piece, Rene!