Startling New Revelation in the Al Gore Massage Incident
July 9, 2010 in Wordsmoker Investigation
Two weeks ago, the Pulitzer Prize winning National Enquirer broke a story divulging allegations that former Vice President Al Gore sexually assaulted a 50-year-old massage therapist in 2006. Although many of the details are murky, due to a lack of corroborating evidence, the following information appears to be factual and undisputed. On October 24, 2006, Al Gore was staying in Gallery Suite #903 of the Hotel Lucia in Portland Oregon, registered under the name of “Stone.” He contacted the hotel personnel and asked them to arrange a massage. The alleged victim, Molly Haggerty, responded to his room around 1100 PM that night.
What actually occurred in the room is known only to the two occupants: Al Gore and Molly Haggerty. We’ve learned Ms. Haggerty’s side of the story from the police report and the transcripts of the statement that she made to the Portland Police Department. However, through the course of their investigation, the Portland Police Department has discovered a digital recording of a series of phone conversations between the former Vice President and the concierge who was on duty that night.
Here are the transcripts of that recording:
Call begins @ 10:13 PM:
Concierge (Con): “Hotel Lucia concierge desk. How does this evening find you Mr. Vice President?”
Al Gore (AG): “Hi, this is Al Gore. I’m in suite number… fuck…” [Garbled noise then shouting] STANLEY, YOU OUT THERE? CAN YOU READ THE SUITE NUMBER OFF OF THE DOOR?” [Normal tone into the phone] “My friend is in the hall. He’s checking on the number.”
Con: “Mr. Gore, you don’t need to do that. We have your number on the screen.”
AG: [Shouting] “STANLEY! HURRY THE FUCK UP! I’M HORNY!”
Con: “What can I get you, Mr. Gore?”
AG: “My name is Zack Morris. M-O-R-R-I-S. Morris.”
Con: “From Saved By The Bell?”
AG: “Wasn’t that a great show?
Con: “What can I do for you, Mr. Morris?”
AG: “I want to meet a nice girl… for a massage. Do you know any?”
Con: “The hotel contracts with an independent service for massages after 800 PM. It will be about 45 to 60 minutes. Shall I make that call for you?”
AG: “How much is it going to be?”
Con: “The service is $450 for an hour and there is a 20% automatic gratuity so $540.”
AG: [Shouting] “STANLEY! CAN I BORROW A HUNNIE FROM YOU!? I’M A LITTLE CASH POOR! STANS!?”
Con: “You can charge it to your suite, Mr. Morris, or we also accept all major credit cards.”
AG: “Well, order her up, son. Throw a fifty on that bill for you too. I’m rich. I just don’t have a lot of cash on me.”
Con: “I understand. Very good, sir, and thank you.”
AG: “Wait, wait, WAIT!”
Con: “Yes, sir?”
AG: “Tell her my name is Stone. Mr. Stone. It’s a joke from the 2000 election. I used to say, ‘What beats a Bush?’ Do you know?”
Con: “Umm. No idea, sir.”
AG: “A Stone! Get it? A stone beats a bush.”
Con: “Yes, sir. Very amusing.”
Call ends @ 10:16 PM
Call begins @ 10:25 PM
Con: “Hotel Lucia concierge desk. How may I be of assistance, Mr. Go… Morris?”
AG: “Did you make the call?”
Con: “I placed the call immediately after we hung up. The agency said that they would send someone over forthwith.”
AG: “A girl, right?”
Con: “You didn’t specify, sir, but the agency said that they were sending a masseuse by the name of Molly over.”
AG: “Molly does sound like a girl, right?”
Con: “Yes, sir, and masseuses are female.”
AG: “Hot stuff. Thanks, pal.”
Con: “You’re welcome. Is there anything else that I can do for you, Mr. Morris?”
[Phone slams]
Call ends @ 10:27 PM
Call begins @ 10:35 PM
Con: “Yes, Mr. Gore?”
AG: “Morris. Does she like chocolate?”
Con: [Heavy breath followed by unintelligible muttering] “Does who like chocolate?”
AG: [Shouting] “STANLEY, WHAT DID I TELL YOU THE NAME OF THAT GIRL WAS?” [Several second pause.] Molly. Beautiful Molly.”
Con: “Okey. Ummm I have no idea what she likes, sir. I’ve never met her.”
AG: “Can you find out? No… forget it. Just send up a box of chocolate. I like chocolate. If she doesn’t want any, more for me, right? Am I right?”
Con: “Absolutely, sir. It will be delivered to your room in five minutes. Would you like anything else sent up?”
AG: “Yeah. I just checked my bar. There’s no Grand Marnier and I didn’t drink any. Your cleaning lady must have it. I’m an ex-Vice President. I don’t have to steal.”
Con: “We don’t normally stock our bars with Grand Marnier, but I think… yes. I can have a bottle sent to your room with the chocolates.”
AG: “And champagne! Did you hear that? Champagne. Oh boy, I’m going to knock her socks off.”
Con: [Whispered]“Jesus Christ.”
AG: [Giggling] “What did you say? All I heard was ‘boobs’.”
Con: “Will that be all, sir?”
AG: “No cherries.”
Con: “Pardon?”
AG: “I don’t want any God damned fruit in my chocolate. Bye!”
Call ends @ 10:38 PM
Call begins @ 10:45 PM
Con: “Hello, Mr. Gore.”
AG: “Morris. Vice President Morris.”
Con: “I’m sorry. What—”
AG: “I never got my Grand Marnier.”
Con: “You just put the order in. It takes a few minutes.”
AG: “I’m wearing a robe for my massage. You… you know what I’m talking about, right?”
Con: “Umm, good for you.”
AG: “I’m going to read you some of the music that I have on my iPod. Tell me what you think I should play for her.”
Con: “For who?”
AG: “The massage lady. I’m making little quoty things with my fingers when I say “massage.” It means that I’m not really talking about a massage.”
Con: “Mr. Vice President. I don’t think—”
AG: “All right, let’s see here. I’ve got Seal, Pink—”
Con: “Pink. I have to go. I have other guests that I need to attend to.”
AG: [Shouting] “STANLEY, YOUR WERE RIGHT. DEFINITELY PINK. THE BELLBOY SAYS SO TOO!” [Speaking Voice] “Where is she, man? I’ve got a muscle that I want her to work. Hah!”
Call ends 10:47 PM
The Portland Police Department declined to comment, citing that this is an open investigation. The management of Hotel Lucia also declined commenting on the Gore incident or their controversial policy of recording and storing all internal phone calls.
