We Got a Great Big Convoy Truckin’ Through the Night
May 28, 2010 in Food And Drink
OMG guys!
Do you have an opinion about “Arrested Development” and is your monthly cell phone bill in excess of $80?
Do you live in Southern California?
Then you know all about the fancy food truck craze that was all started by the Korean taco sensation, Kogi.
But that was over a year ago and Kogi is kind of “over” in the same way that nobody is amazed how goddamn small your Smart Car is anymore. But don’t take all your Ambien at once because there is always a fleet of new “high-concept” food trucks rumbling up the 405 to cater to your pink, boozed-up face. Here’s a rundown of some favorites!
Dresden
A huge favorite of mine – This is German cuisine -inspired BBQ served from a whimsically modified Panzer tank by Herr “Hickory” Goering and Field Marshall “Tangy” Paulus!! This truck gets a “Slaughterhouse” Five-Star rating on godemiche.net!!
Charlie Don’t Surf
Favorite City, Population: Me – Did somebody say Vietnamese/California fusion?!!!!! You’ll know it is time for avocad-pho when you hear the opening notes of “The End” by the Doors! Tell these guys “Why are we fighting this war?” and you’ll get a free side of existential angst.
The Fuck You Lookin At
Favorite Favorite Favorite – This truck is hard to locate but worth it! The food is basic but delicious – ramen, Hostess pies and a one-hitter disguised as a hi-lighter served with your choice of Mongoose 32 oz. Hi-Gravity Malt Lager or half a Super Big Gulp cup full of Pink Panty Puller-Downer! Stand under the large faded blue tarpaulin awning and let the cooks berate you for “not doing shit around here” while they shoot a cat with bb guns and ash their cigarettes right onto the carpet ’cause shit they wuz gonna vacuum
anyways.
Furthur
If my feelings had a child with this food truck we’d name it Faye Vorite – This Phil Lesh -inspired vittle conveyance captures the weepy sentimentalism of the Summer Of ’69! Enjoy cuts of prime rib cooked sous-vide in a bath of ayahuasca while Strawberry Alarm Clock over-modulates out of the actual P.A. system used in the final scenes of “Who’ll Stop the Rain”! This truck is so sustainable it might not even exist!
Parkour Offal
Such a favorite! I donated my hair to this truck in the event it ever gets cancer! Do you like flips, jumping and sheep entrails? Then shuffle your sloppy ass up to the rear window of this re-purposed Grumman LLV for some acrobatically prepared trotters, maws, tripe and scrotum! You can admire the ropey forearm muscles of the young ethnically ambiguous hotties as they prepare your pig and cow guts using their sweet street moves over a Teppanyaki-style grill. Oh no she di-n’t. You just got served (some saure kutteln)!
Perfect Strangers
I’m starting a Facebook fanpage dedicated to replacing the golden calf in every bible with this food truck! It is my new shiny God! 23 Lovely Latvian Ladies of the Evening chained to a flatbed trailer compete with one another to see who can craft a HUGE blackberry pie the fastest for every order and you’d better not be vegan because those Slavs sure love to bite one another causing plenty of serious wounds – also burns are not uncommon! Rather like an abattoir on wheels. I guess this truck was started by Mara Salvatrucha so that locals can place wagers on blood-sport and the women are all competing for a green card out of eastern Europe. But the pies are sooooooooooooo good!!!
Tell all your friends and follow everyone on Twitter!!!!!!!!!!
