Why I’m Excited About My Impending Unemployment
May 6, 2010 in Jobsmoker
I’m graduating with a master’s degree in social work later this month! Good for me! Unfortunately for me, and lots of other poor fuckers, there exactly 38 jobs (I counted) for about 9,430,459,384,543 people. My math might be kind of off, but you know, whatever. I have a job right now, but it’s an internship, so it will end once I’m out of school. It was unpaid anyhow, but at least it was a way to fill my time. I’ve applied for 15 jobs, and NOTHING. I’m… well, I’m pretty smart! Someone hire me!
Since I’m about to be unemployed, and will have even less money than I have now, I decided to make a list of free or cheap things I’ve always wanted to do that I’ll finally be able to fit into my schedule.
I live in an apartment, but I have lots of green space, so I’m going to plant a garden! There’ll be some upfront cost, but from what old people tell me, gardening is relaxing and can take up lots and lots of time.
2. Amateur Star Gazing
My friend said she’ll give me a telescope, and I’d just have to pay for the gas to drive out to BFE to get away from the city lights.
3. Watching and Indexing Porn
This isn’t really my thing, but I’ve heard from a lot of people that there is a ton of free porn on the internets. I could probably fill a couple of hours a day sorting through all of it and bookmarking the ones I really like.
4. Starting a Blog
I mean, I’m really interesting. Surely at least 10,000 people a day would want to read about what I ate for breakfast and where my daily walk took me.
5. Going on daily walks
This will allow me to see all the houses I’ll never be able to afford because I’m unemployed and have an assload of student loan debt and am a social worker so I’ll never make any money.
6. Taco Bell
Either I will get a job there, or just eat 79 cent burritos all the time because that’s all I’ll be able to afford
No, this one is for real. I have serious anxiety about isolation and wide, open spaces, and since I can’t afford to go to therapy, which is what really should happen, I’m gonna pull a Bear Grylls and get someone to drop me in the middle of nowhere and then have to find my way back. (I’ll actually stay in a hotel, though.) (Just like Bear Grylls! Ed.) One of three things will happen: I’ll make it back just fine, I’ll panic and die, or I’ll panic and kill the first hiker I see for food. Either way, it won’t cost me any money!
Those are my best ideas at this point. If anyone has others, it’d be great if you’d leave them in the comments.