You are browsing the archive for 2010 February.

Erotic Online Review – Try To Ignore The Denim

February 24, 2010 in Erotic Online Review

(Because Wordsmoker Octavius Vane is a man with access to the internet, he watches pornography. To alleviate some of the stigma associated with viewing porn, and to also make it somehow healthier than it actually is in his own mind, he’s decided to write reviews of some things he sees with his dirty internet box. If you like this, he promises to do more. Article is Not Safe For Work, for obvious reasons. Ed.)

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Pretentious Pontification Corner: BRB Blathers About the Internet (As Well As Some Old Book He Read)

February 23, 2010 in Alive In The Public Eye, Gawker, Literature

A long time ago, in an internet far far away, there was once a place called (yes, I’ll say the name out loud! I’m not scared of you, Voldemort NickAlan! The cash fan-shaped scar between my eyebrows is proof enough of my valor, thank you very much!) Gawker. I used to hang out there all the time, like many of you and unlike many others of you. At one time, it was a Big Fucking Deal that one its past editors left and was subsequently maligned and then became embroiled in an imbroglio revolving around things like “oversharing,” “narcissism,” “betrayal,” and (after the parsing became exhausting), over-performed internet “yawn”-ing by studiously disinterested interested observers.

In other words, it was a typical internet contretemps; indeed, at the time, it struck me as maybe an archetypical one. Why did I care? Why did anyone? To answer these questions, I did what any self-respecting internet citizen does – I wrote an unreadably long, meanderingly idiosyncratic post about it on my completely unread blogspot-powered personal blog!

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Cheney Not Dying In Agony Yet

February 23, 2010 in Wordsmoker exclusive

Washington drew to a standstill today and there was an unofficial minute’s silence as news filtered through about the continued existence of Former Vice President Dick Cheney. Many staffers were seen weeping openly on the street, while a swollen-eyed Rahm Emanuel asked for calm from all involved in the administration. A tired, almost haunted-looking President Obama hurriedly addressed the nation in a short speech shown on all channels.

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Wall Street Bonuses Top $20bn, Money Says Thanks

February 23, 2010 in Recession 2.0

HAHA! Some excellent news to gladden your hearts as you eat into your rat sandwich before you go to sleep in your car – Wall Street bonuses are over $20bn this year, so go back to watching American Idol and be happy you’re not washing your face in grit, everyone. The super-rich just got richer. Remember them? The ones we propped up with our money when times got bad? Them.

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It’s Your Fault Your Kid is Disabled, You Filthy Harlot

February 23, 2010 in Patently Insane Statements

Last week, Virginia Delegate Bob Marshall (R-Manassas) said the following:

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children.”

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Behind the Times. Or, “Don’t Hassle the Hoff”

February 23, 2010 in Interesting Moving Pictures

My Buyer was traveling to Las Vegas for the Furniture Market. The group was staying at Planet Hollywood. About Monday afternoon, I receive an e-mail complete with photos of my Buyer’s hotel room.

“I’m in the Baywatch room. Memorabilia is everywhere. There’s even an autographed pair of David Hasselhoff’s shorts hanging on the wall.”

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Toyota “Knew About Demonic Possession” For Years

February 23, 2010 in Wordsmoker exclusive

House Energy and Commerce committee hearings into the recall of millions of Toyota cars were silenced only half an hour into proceedings, as panel members heard shocking first-hand evidence of the danger from Valerie Tremont. Ms Tremont, a homeopathic nail therapist from Washington, spoke without a break for 15 minutes about her purchase of a new Lexus in 2008.

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Caption This – Tuesday Puppet Family Special

February 23, 2010 in Caption This

Casualties

February 22, 2010 in Wordsmoker Poetry

I promise to rip off the scabs daily
and probe the tender parts,
rub salt in them,
infect them with lint and grit,
bear them with pride,
savor the pain
as a constant reminder
that our small battle has been lost.



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