Wordsmoker

Think you’ve got problems with your health-plan? Spare a thought for the poor woman from Tampa, Florida who was sleeping with her doctor. These things happen, you say (maybe he was a talented golfer?). Doctor-patient sexual shenanigans are nothing new, you say. Well – this one was slightly different – the time the doctor spent screwing his patient was claimed for from her insurance carrier. By her doctor.

From The Smoking Gun:

A tawdry text message correspondence between a Florida psychologist and a female patient he treated (and had sex with) helped lead to the doctor’s emergency suspension last month, according to a report prepared by state officials.

In my experience, most text message correspondence with women is tawdry. I can’t help it.

Daniel Lerom, investigators allege, improperly engaged in sexual misconduct with a woman whom he had first seen in connection with her marital difficulties.

I dunno – is that irony? Does irony still exist?

The Tampa doctor allegedly began having sex with the patient last February, and sent text messages referring to their intimate encounters, which occurred at Lerom’s office, the woman’s Lakeland townhouse, and a Quality Inn.

Stay classy, Tampa!

“U r soooo hot!! I worry that I m holding u back from a younger stud who can really meet ur need!! lol!,” Lerom, 49, wrote in one message. In another text, Lerom noted, “wish uwere here in the shower with me to warm me up!!! Your RHL!!!”

Sometimes it’s hard not to sound tawdry when texting your lover. Sometimes, it’s just hard.

RHL, according to the state report, was short for “red hot lover.”

I can almost hear a Lionel Ritchie mix-tape. Or maybe something by Hall and Oates. I don’t know why.

Investigators allege that Lerom filed false claims with the woman’s insurance carrier after a dozen of their encounters, claiming that he engaged in an 80-minute “specialty consult” with his patient.

80 minutes??? They did it 40 times??? QUANTITY. Anyway, I’ll admit here and now to “specially consulting” with myself less than an hour ago. It’s Friday, after all.

“Dr. Lerom was actually engaging in sexual activity, including having oral sex or sexual intercourse with HF [his patient/lover] on the dates that he requested payment” from her insurance company. The payouts totaled more than $1400.

I was actually thinking about charging for my cunnilingus skills. Now I have some sort of ratio to go by for a fee-scale. Thanks, Tampa!

Lerom is also accused of regularly asking “HF” to provide him with some of her prescription pain pills, claiming that he needed the medicine for back pain.

I’m now hearing something by The Rolling Stones for some reason.

The woman, who told state officials that she gave Lerom the requested pills, noted that the doctor once emptied a bottle of Vicodin without her permission.

I can only recommend Buddhism as a solution to all his problems.

The patient last month filed a lawsuit against Lerom, charging him with negligence and malpractice.

I’d charge him too. And then, again. Heh.