A Typical Workday at Chuck E Cheese
Not that I complain.
You know I have that hobby of sniffing gasoline. I keep a plastic baggie of gasoline wadded up in the “nose” of the rat costume, so that’s all I ever smell. That keeps me sharp for work. Sharp and angry.
I tend to lurch after the kids barking gibberish out of that rat head, so there’s usually a mob of terrified children fleeing from me. Really. When I’m at work it’s like a prison riot at knee level. Waves of kids slamming into my legs, wailing and scrambling bug eyed for the exits. Which is cool with Management, they like to keep things edgy.
What was my point?
Right. My new girlfriend made me switch to Marlboro menthols because that’s the only thing I can steal out of her purse. So I’m smoking inside the rat costume as per usual, when strangely enough the menthol cigarette ignites the gasoline fumes inside the rat “head”. A blast of mint flavored flames shoots from the eyes of the mascot. I remain heroically calm. Not so much the children. They were already agitated because I was thrashing through the brightly colored plastic ball pit shrieking that I would drink their blood, and now demonic flames are pouring from Chuck E Cheese’s eyes.
Children are so alarmist.
Image of Chuck E Cheese via blogs.riverfronttimes.com.