Dating Lesson Learned From Movies – The Ugly Truth
Hey, are you a single Wordsmoker? Me too. Wouldn’t it be nice to snuggle up with a loved one and watch a movie? WELL STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT – YOU ARE FUCKING SINGLE. So rather then just watch movies and cry about how they are all SOOOO in love, I have decided to help us all out and take notes on dating, according to the movies. First up, the obvious choice – The Ugly Truth – in listicle format to make it easier for everyone.
1-We can’t date ourselves. Oh and ladies you can’t really date one of the geighs.
2-Guys only care what you look like. (maybe….. Gerard Butler has that I am troubled look in his eyes so this will probably end up being wrong)
3-Apparently guys don’t like girls who drink sugar free red bull. WELL FUCK! I am not giving up my red bull.
4-So doing a background check on a guy before a date is a bad idea.
4.5-And so is printing out a list of talking points in case there is dead time.
5-All men want is a hot girl that is good in bed. Oh and gives blow jobs.
6-Guys don’t want to eat a nice dinner, they want Jello wrestling.
7-Ok so here is how to land that first date ladies; hang up on guys. If they call back they might like you so put him on hold for a really long time and if he stays on the line he might like you, so hang up again to make sure.
8-Never criticize – just laugh at anything he says because mens want to be funny and good in bed sooo also always fake it.
9- Dress like a slut. You should never look comfortable just fuckable.
10-Never talk about your problems; any guy who pretends to care just wants anal (this is probably true).
11- Men don’t like short hair or pony tails – they just want to pull your hair while you are naked on top of them.
12- Try to deep throat a hot dog or other penis shaped food if you do something dumb – and make sure to stick your tits out as much as possible.
13- You should wear vibrating panties to business diners. Your date will find you climaxing between salad and the main course really hot!
14- Guys in BMWs, sweaters and loafers who take you picnicking are not what you really want and he is just trying to get into your pants too.
15- Sexy dancing is hot. Making out in an elevator is hotter.
Side note: sex in a hot air balloon would be awkward since the pilot is in the same three foot area as you.