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The Jay Leno Question – Why Is He Still On TV?

January 8, 2010 in Talentless Cum-Socks, television

Oh you must hate me for the simple reason that we don’t get Jay Leno on our television boxen over here. There was a vote in the Scottish Parliament in 2003, banning this perma-unfunny, Hannity-haired laughter-vacuum from our screens for the sake of our children and our collective sense of humor. The money we saved with people not going to hospital with Leno-generated mind-shits more than pays for our additional heating costs, and keeps the deep-fried Mars Bar industry ticking over.

But but but but – Leno’s in trouble now. Big trouble. Big trouble in Little Leno, with Kurt Russell and that tart from Sex and the City pretending to be Chinese, which is deep trouble. With Leno being moved up into a hour when more people could watch him drool piss from that hole above his manga-chin, a lot of people decided that watching him drool his piss wasn’t all that good, and they switched off and did other, better things, like grinding their feet into toe-paste or throwing themselves into the path of an oncoming threshing machine.

And now, because of Big Trouble In Little Leno, it looks like Conan O’Soledad Brian is in trouble too, because he’s on the same channel or something, but is lesser for some reason, and now he has to get a job collecting cans and working with old people. None of this – nor popular electric news bucket TMZ’s feverish announcements – deal with the more important question – why is Jay Leno on TV anyway?

Your thoughts? Type ‘em. Type ‘em good.

(Yes, a lot of this is based on information I’m picking up second-or-seventh hand from other blogs, but I thought I’d ask, because I’m truly dumbfounded as to why he was let onto TV in the first place.)

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/katekate/ katekate is squared

    I’m as baffled as you. We all thought our long national nightmare was over when he said he’d retire, but then NBC raised its giant, consistently 4th-place middle finger in our faces and said “Here, just watch him 90 minutes earlier!” All I can figure is that he’s another product of America’s stunning lack of perspective or taste. Also, old white men never get fired from anywhere.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @katekate is squared: I find him funnier than Letterman, but frankly neither of them are in the class of Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, or Craig Ferguson. Honestly, I’m not a late night TV aficionado, because frankly they put tripe on after 11:30 pm that no one wants to watch. Perfect example: Saturday Night Live. Why is this show still around? I haven’t watched since about 1985, and those bits I have caught (except for the occasional Tina Fey/Amy Poehler bits) are so excrementally bad, I have to wonder when Lorne Micheals had his stroke.

    Let’s face it: NBC sucks.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/therivercharley/ therivercharley

    see, the thing is (for me, at least), nbc has some of my favorite shows on television. i do consider thursday night must-see-tv. 30 rock is incredible, i love parks and rec, i have every season available of the office on dvd, and for a minute they had the incredible southland in the 10 pm slot (southland will soon be on tnt. um, yay.)

    and, while i don’t watch the tonight show (i’m usually in bed, and i dvr too much as it is), i was happy for conan, because me loved him long time.

    that said, fuck jeff zucker.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/paisleypajamas/ PaisleyPajamas

    Leno is an example of all that is wrong with Ho’wood. A member of the most impenetrable Old Boys’ Network (punny!) in existence, he’ll always have a job. TOBN has been in control of what is on the tube for decades and they employ their friends, their families, their drug dealers and bookies, etc.; therefore, the nepotism and cronyism diminishes the good stuff that’s possible.

    Since cable started kicking network’s ass with better programming, it has really become glaringly obvious that there’s an agenda at network that is both political and capitalistic and when viewers have other choices, they will take them. The recession has only made this more obvious with the network’s efforts to create the cheapest shows possible–canceling acclaimed shows (because the stars demand more?), putting Leno in prime time, keeping shit shows on the air under the auspices that “this is their last season” (stars can’t ask for raises if their on the brink of cancellation) only to bring them back again.

    As more and more viewers migrate to other avenues of entertainment, network is making themselves obsolete. I’m pretty sure a lot of old white guys would have to start dying off in order for this to change.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Me cago en Jay Leno.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/perverseus/ perverseus

    The reason Jay Leno is still on TV comes down to one thing: money. From a corporate standpoint, it is SIGNIFICANTLY less expensive to produce a talk show five days a week (even with Leno’s hefty paycheck) than produce original dramatic programming, which is the general staple of the 10 p.m. ET time slot on the ABC, CBS, and NBC. (FOX and CW have always ended primetime programming at 10 p.m.)

    Strategically, many media critics — myself included — thought the move to 10 p.m. for Leno was a serious mistake. His first week of ratings were pretty solid; hey, it was a novelty and he got Kayne West right after he decided his opinion was more important than Taylor Swift’s award acceptance speech. Since that time, however, his ratings have been lousy, though NBC executives say the show is performing as expected. The problem, however, is that affiliates are pissed because the lower numbers for their local news lead-in are impacting their ratings, which of course means it’s hurting advertising revenue.

    Who knows what will happen with the late night talk show landscape? Leno is still on TV because he appeals to a very broad audience (read: doesn’t really offend anyone) and his producers book top guests. Is he the funniest guy out there? Not by a long shot. But on network TV, which more often than not tries to appeal to the lowest common denominator, that’s not always important.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    Let’s not speak of Jay Leno. He is a distasteful subject, very unpleasant. It’s bad manners.

    Although he did have a bit part in this, as a fellow who gets into a boxing ring with his mother:

    Which begs the more important question as to why this movie isn’t on all televisions, all the time. It’s completely unavailable, in any format. It’s only just fucking ridiculously great, in a whole big bunch of ways.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fracturedacetabulum/ FracturedAcetabulum

    Meatloaf! Fred Willard and (RIP) John Ritter, Harvey Korman!

    Wences, you’ve enlightened me with your vids once again.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    @Virus: This colonist is glad that the legislature cannot ban Leno, even though I do not like him.

    @PaiselyPajamas: Of course the networks are capitalistic. They are a business and their purpose is to make money.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    I have that movie on VHS, Wences. Ooh, it is so good.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    Two things. One, I heart Conan. Two, last night my child pulled the outer corners of my eyes and said, “when I do this, you look like a China girl.” To those not in the know, my child is Chinese.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sarahheartburn/ SarahHeartburn

    €WHYAMIHERE: Why can’t they make money on good comedy? Leno is a stale Hostess cupcake. You’ll eat it if you’re desperate, but why not offer something better?

    I must say, some of the things I don’t miss living overseas. Leno, Camile Paglia, Fox, most snack foods, Christians, not being able to get wine or beer in a lot of restaurans. And Leno.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    It’s called pandering to the lowest common denominator. Or laziness. Whichever, it sucks balls, and I refuse to watch his show, even if it means watching yet another re-run of House Hunters on HGTV, though I am sorely disappointed to find out that it is NOT REAL and the house hunters have already picked out/bought their intended house and the others are just stunt houses, and now I don’t even want to watch. Now that pisses me off.

    Mama P: Did you pee your pants laughing? Or find some more diplomatic response? I would have peed my pants. Okay, now that I’m Olde, I sometimes pee my pants in tiny amounts anyway, but that would have really set me off!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sfbirdie/ sfbirdie

    Awww Mama P, she is adorable.
    Gerbs, I believe that’s called ‘piddling’. Could be wrong, though.
    As for the Jay/Conan crap, I once met Mr. O’Brien in Watch Hill, RI, while I was working at a sunglass store that had Maui Jim mirrors and Oakley signs… but no actual designer sunglasses. He came in looking for a pair of MJs and WOOF, he is a TALL man. Tall and SOOOO attractive, if you’re into gingers and broad but slender shoulders. He wasn’t very pleased when I told him we were sold out and would be getting a shipment the next week (that was the default explanation I had to use everyday to those poor rich saps on vacay), but he was still devilishly handsome. I probably should’ve just smooched him right there, or even covered his mouth with a chloroform-soaked rag, dragged his body into the makeshift dressing room and had my way with him AND THAT HAIR. Damn you, missed chance!

    Jay Leno is still around because life isn’t fair.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/forwardmotion/ forwardmotion

    Leno has never, ever been funny.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Gerbs: I’d just finished with Harry Potter for the night and we were lying in her bed talking. It’s when she asks all her questions about adoption and China, so it’s a pretty important time. Imagine my surprised when she did that! I didn’t laugh, but I did say, “Oh, I’m a China girl! I’m pretty now, like you!”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sfbirdie/ sfbirdie

    You’re a very sweet mom, Mama P.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    Mama P: You’re so good. When I lay with Ian (which is not very often anymore, now that he is a pre-teen, but used to be every night), he tells me things, too, and sometimes I have to bury my face in his Monster pillow not to laugh.

    Birdie: I agree – but I usually use piddle for when it actually hits the floor, like if I’m waiting for the shower to warm up and suddenly can’t hold it anymore.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/paisleypajamas/ PaisleyPajamas

    @WhyAmIHere: That’s a pretty simplistic understanding of what I was saying, but whatevs.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    @PaiselyPajamas: I read this while pondering a reply to another post. The political one that I should have kept my mouth (or keyboard) shut on. I should have left it off of this one.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/therivercharley/ therivercharley

    i forgot friday night lights. goddammit i love that show.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Gerbs & SFB: Thanks, ladies. This morning she wanted to talk about China and instead of asking me questions, she explained that our family was like a puzzle that God put together. Using her hands to make relevant gestures, she said, “He took this puzzle piece, which is me, in China, and this puzzle piece, which is you and daddy in Kansas, and he moved them together.” Yes, I cried.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: she is too damned cute.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sfbirdie/ sfbirdie

    I got a little teared up after reading that. You need to start recording her. So freaking adorable.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    NBC banked on Leno’s late night audience tuning in at 10 pm; didn’t happen. People actually want to be entertained at 10 pm.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @Gerbs: I was crushed when I realized that the opening to Iron Chef was pre-recorded and they didn’t have all of the chefs making the entrance every week to find out if they are picked. The challenger knows who he is competing against in advance. He also knows that the ingredient will be one of five. I still watched, but it hurt a lot.

    I am of course referring to the Japanese Iron Chef. The American version is not worthy of discussion.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    CL: Yeh, they’ll fuck up “Ninja Warrior,” too.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/perverseus/ perverseus

    By the way, the Jay Leno primetime experiment will be over in a few weeks. Of course, NBC has not yet worked out what to do with the sudden glut of late-night shows and hosts. This could get interesting and ugly.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100110/ap_en_ot/us_nbc_leno

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/unfun/ Unfun

    Conan rules. If they bump him I hope he defects to another network when his contract with NBC expires. Fuck Leno. As if we needed more proof that Americans were idiots.