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how was it for you?

January 1, 2010 in Wordsmoker Anthropology

oh – i have to type in lowercase because i’m very hungover and the shift key is too noisy. hello. did you have a nice time last night, you drink-and-drug-soaked heathens? i had a drunken time, and i still am, because i’m still drunk. i don’t normally drink alcohol – all those spree-killings, you see – but last night i surprised myself and “put away” a whole bottle of chilean white. i didn’t kill anyone this time, but i did spend a lot of time online saying inappropriate things.

which sums up my new year’s eve concisely. drank too much, typey-typey, fell into bed and zonked out almost immediately. i did actually plan to write strange stuff in the comments on the awl but their server kept timing out, so no fun there. i also watched some scottish television, which at this particular time of year is full of tartan, fucking bagpipes and cold men in kilts firing cannons from the top of some castle in edinburgh.

wherever you were, i hope you had a good one and didn’t get too down.

your experiences, in the comments, when you feel like it.

and here’s to a great 2010 to all of you xox

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/katekate/ katekate is squared

    I organized my closet last night. Happy new year!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I ate a 28 oz. skirt steak that looks something like this:

    Now I have a beef overload hangover. I would do it again right now if I could. I have a problem.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    @Chill: Oooh…that looks good. Did you pile on any chimichurri? Skirt steak always makes me think of Argentine steakhouses.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    I didn’t drink anything, but I woke up with a nasty headache. I spent the first half hour trying to decide if it was a sinus headache, migraine or start of a cold before just taking some cold and sinus medicine and hoping for the best.

    I did the four-mile Central Park run at midnight. It was slushy, which made it more work and now my legs are sore, but I had a good time. I hope everyone else had a good new year and is waking up feeling not so terrible.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fishnetsandcigarettes/ Fishnets & Cigarettes

    Mr. Fishnets is sore at me because I smoked pot with the neighbors. It was really good pot, but not worth the cold shoulder.

    At midnight, my 12 year old turned into a surly teenager. He then yelled at me as i took away his phone at 1am.

    all and all, I say I’m in for a banner year.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/perverseus/ perverseus

    I welcomed the New Year by cleaning up an industrial accident in my six-week-old daughter’s diaper.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    I went to a party down the block at my friend Tony’s house. Drank a lot of champagne and got a bit emotional. Room full of vets and a few guys in between tours of Iraq. A strange man offered me “the high, hard one up against the wall,” that charming phrase sort of knocked me out of my sappy stupor. I declined his kind offer and went home early-ish. Made a snowball on the way home, threw it at my husband when he answered the door. He got me in a headlock…

    Glad that year is over, ONward and UPward, darlings.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    First eight weeks are the worst, Perv, it gets better after that (though not diaper-wise). And we (meaning Mama P and me) are here for you with baby advice, btw.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lawyergay/ lawyergay

    Chillbear: That’s the first skirt steak I’ve ever heard about that sounds like it could have been worn, quite literally, as a skirt. Or if that’s not your thing, a kilt. Kiltsteak!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    I want kiltsteak in 2010! On the rare side please.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/belltolls/ Belltolls

    @ Bookish You didn’t miss anything. It was probably a curve ball.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @VoxPop: It was an excellent Argentinean place in Hollywood.

    @LG: Not quite, but I will be in search of that steak. Maybe if I strung a few together.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fishnetsandcigarettes/ Fishnets & Cigarettes

    I’m here for baby advice and moral support too, Perv.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    I went to a boring party with boring people and drank heavily to try to forget about things! I fucking hate New Years.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @BL: You are my hero. That’s all.

    Okay – those of you who were on chatzy and FB last night know that I spent the evening chaperoning a teen party at my sister’s house. Here are the pertinent details: One 13 year old cocksman who has “done” the 15 year old there three times (remember when you could count how many times you’d done it?). Add one lovely lithe 14 year old who wants to get together with the cocksman and you have the teenaged triangle from hell. At first it looked bad until the two girls banded together and shut out the cocksman. He moped around for at least an hour while the girls sat in a big comfy chair together and chatted and watched a movie. Mr. Penguino had to actually go to another room to laugh he was so evilly delighted that the cocksman was getting the shut-down. (“I want to slap that kid,” he kept saying.) Around 11:15 p.m., it looked like the kids were going to be boring until I didn’t hear anything in the area where they were talking and I walked upstairs and caught all three of the threesome lying on the bed in my sister’s guestroom. I marched in like Stormtrooper Sally and barked, “No one upstairs! Get up and get downstairs!” while they mumbled and looked embarrassed. (FWIW, I don’t think they were contemplating an actual threesome, but who the hell knows?) So the kids are corralled and I’m tired and sis says, go home, I can take it from here.

    This morning I had a call from sis who tells me at 11:30 p.m., a mere 10 minutes after I left, the cocksman was found by the front door, lying in a fetal position, CRYING. Why? The 15 year old had pulled a Hannibal Lector to his Miggs, telling him all the things wrong in his life. At that point, sister ordered them into her car and she took them all home.

    And those, my friends, are The Days of Our Lives. Happy New Year!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Perv: anything before 10 months and you’d better go with BL or F&C. My child’s early months were framed and formed by the good women of Communist China. I’ve never seen an American turn out a kid so well-behaved and on schedule as Little Penguino was. I’ve pretty much wiped that out, though, with Oreos, Spongebob Squarepants, and a Hannah Montana guitar.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

    I don’t think I remember the ball dropping – or myself dropping for that matter.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lawyergay/ lawyergay

    MP: Now I know why all my friends’ parents liked me when I was a 13 year-old. I wanted nothing to do with 15 year-old girls, except, you know, to talk about cute guys with.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    I think I’m in a band now. And our band is enemies with Unfun’s band, or something? I forget. We probably rock.

    Here’s our album cover:

    CUNT FUCKING CUNTY CUNT FUCKERS

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I was listening to Wence’s and Unfun’s bands for years. Way before they sold out with Cunt Fucking Cunty Cunt Fuckers.

    @MamaP: I was cringing while I read your post. I was afraid that you were going to disclose that a crime had occurred at your sister’s residence while you were in attendance. Someone please shut this noise in my head off.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/unfun/ Unfun

    I went to a house party with OLD old friends. I mean four of us went to high school together and haven’t been in the same room together for over 10 years, and a few other people. Then, right before the ball dropped, I started getting REALLY ill. It really sucked because we were getting high (on life) and drunk and having an 80s dance party. I literally had to sneak away because I knew no one would let me go if I tried leaving. Then I got home and barfed everywhere. I have no idea why I got so sick.

    I stayed up til 530am and started a band to rival the other band and my band rocks out with our cocks out and the other band is for pussies.

    album

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/unfun/ Unfun

    Shit it didn’t work. Trying again…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/unfun/ Unfun

    Ok I can’t post a fucking image. Serves me right. My band is better, trust. It’s called Fuck Yeah Motherfuck.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    Yeah, uh huh. Here’s a clip of Unfun’s band:

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lawyergay/ lawyergay

    OMG Unfun’s band is awesome!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    I know, right? That’s her playing the bass.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/unfun/ Unfun

    Here’s their band.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    The parents came over, as did my two siblings with their respective spouses, (i.e. my awesome sister in law and my douchebag-good-for-nothing-neanderthal brother in law). We drank a lot of good red wine, followed by a little Champers while the dogs freaked out about the fireworks. Finally went to bed at 3:00 am, moderately inebriated. Woke up at 4:00 am to the sound of my son crying with a wet diaper. Mrs Jonston took care of that one, and the one at 5:30 am. Woke up yet again at 6:45 am with a raging hangover. Mrs. Jonston gave me a look that said “I don’t think I can handle it any more” so I took over. I grabbed the kid and took him outside to change him and “play” so the Mrs could get some shut eye. After feeding him and changing his diaper I took a massive dump that clogged the toilet and forced me to spend about an hour trying to unclog it without spilling shit-infested toilet water all over the baby’s bathroom.

    Cut to now: I’m here on the couch trying to catch a break. Mrs Jonston is in the next room and the kid is… anyone? Anyone? Crying, of course and in a pissy fucking mood. Like he’s the one with a hangover and three hours of sleep. Little fucker. Happy new year, friends.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misspeacock/ MissPeacock

    Mama P: This was a co-ed sleepover? My mind, it is blown. That would have NEVER flown when I was a teenager.

    I ended up having dinner with my best pals at a local pizza joint where I drank copious amounts of Diet Coke, then drove to my parents house, where I proceeded to do laundry for two hours. I took my sleeping pills around 9:30, but because of all the Diet Coke I had consumed earlier, did not manage to fall asleep until 1:30, and THAT was only because I took a Xanax to knock me out. Woke up early today to drive up to Decatur, Alabama where my extended family celebrated a late Christmas. It was nice.

    Unfun: The barfing sounds horrific. Blech. Hope you are feeling better! Was it the alcohol, or a bug?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    Miss P- When I was in high school we had co-ed sleepovers at my house. Very few people even made out and NO ONE had sex. It was a Midwest thing. We were good kids.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Dude, Mama P; try as I might, I didn’t manage to get laid until my sophomore year. Of college. Needless to say, I was never a Cocksman.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    MY MOTHER’S ASHES ARE SWIRLING IN HER MAUVE CLOISONNE URN AT THE THOUGHT OF A COED SLUMBER PARTY AT MY SISTER’S HOUSE. No, the boys were driven home right after midnight.

    @BJ: That this kid is a cocksman is a shock to my senses (and to my sister’s and Mr. P’s). He’s a shaggy-headed dim-witted fool. Also, remember that he’s only had sex with the 15 year old, who is the “fast” one in my niece’s crowd. I think the fast 15 yr old selected “cocksman” because he had such a Potsie Weber way about him; totally malleable.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: Cocksman? Was he there with the rest of the crew? Did they bring their oars?

    @UNFUN: We got home at 2 am from NYC, and the wife spent the next two hours being sick.

    @NINA HAGEN: I have the ball drop on video.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    I’m about a day late with this but here goes (since Mama requested):

    Biglazyuglyfatdude and I went to the NYE soiree at Moose Lodge 1394 in Ventura. We rocked the joint. Steve wore a black chalkstriped suit and a salmon silk tie. He looked like a bearded bookie. I wore a sweater, black short skirt and black slingbacks which I kicked off for some rad slam-dancing at about 11:00 p.m. The Moose was the place to be in East Ventura.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    I went to sleep early so I could drive to the Keys and fish at 4am. I counted 17 definitely drunk drivers and another dozen probables on the hour and half drive. Glad I wasn’t working.

    @Unfun and Wences: Both bands need a little work but, Wences band seems to be having more fun.

    @Newt: My turn to be pedantic. That’s cockswain not cocksman.

    @MamaP: My kids are this age. These kinds of concerns are with me every day. And there is NO co-ed sleeping over.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Why: Mine, too, actually. My niece’s father skipped town years ago and my sister, understanding that children benefit from having more than one parent, asked me to please co-parent with her so we discuss my niece and make decisions about her together. I’m not making this up. I hope I will have actually learned something by the time my own daughter is 14 (just 8.5 years from now!). Also, any advice you have – even in the form of old-timey sayings – is welcome.

  • http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

    Chill: Beef overload hangover? My old lady was suffering from that too (heh heh).

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

    Newt: Excellent! I missed the wrinkly J Lo catsuit – or maybe I didn’t. Who knows. I should be dead.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    I spent yet another New Year’s Eve at my in-laws up in the frozen fucking North, in my pajamas, waiting for the ball to drop so I could go to bed. The in-laws had the usual New Year’s dinner for the adults and spouses and screaming kids, the adults and spouses then exited and left some of the kids behind for us to watch, and we managed to keep some marathon or another (Twilight Zone, maybe?) on till right before midnight (because if the giant fucking TV ain’t on ablastin’ to ear-busting decibals, because my father-in-law refuses to wear his damned hearing aids, it’s just not another day at the in-laws house!), then switch to watch the ball drop, then we scooted off to bed. I couldn’t even drink, due to my gall bladder mysteriously acting up again as soon as we hit PA. It was a motherfucking hoot, for sure. It will be the same next year, and the year after that, and the year after that…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Gerbs: I will sell my left arm for a Twilight Zone marathon. Who’s with me? I only had to deal with the in-laws for a few hours yesterday thanks to the blizzard last week, but even so, my FIL had Fox News blaring on their humongous fucking TV. I finally yelled, “Little P wants to watch Animal Planet, Dad!” really loud (deaf, 90 yrs old) even though Little P said no such thing. So glad you’re back!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    Mama P: I am also glad I’m back; one more motherfucking day up there and I would have slit my throat. Their TV must be on from the time they get up (around 6 am) until they go to bed, at the loudest volume possible, and only on Sports, of any kind, on any sports channel the FIL can find. Yesterday, I finally gave up and spent the day up in our freezing guest room (the house is 90 years old and colder than a witch’s tit) watching Lifetime movies (oh, the desparation) and reading Empire Falls while wishing Miles would just grow a set and fuck Charlene; I mean, he’s had a crush on her since he was a teenager, for fuck’s sake, and yet his drunk-ass cripple brother is the actually boning her. What the hell is that about?

    Where was I? Oh,yeah. I’m happy to be home, the hamster got to run around in her ball without Skye pushing her from room to room, and I get to sleep in my own king-sized bed tonight where NO ONE will be able to touch me and snore in my ear or blow sleep-breath on me if I turn on my left side!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    Went in to NYC, as usual for NYE, sat in Rosie O’Grady’s and imbibed. Met some nice people who were in from upstate NY to see Mariah Carey, and then three Aussies who were in town for the big do. We drank and talked, then my wife and I dragged them over to our restaurant, where we had a 10 pm reservation/ We drank in the bar there until 11:30 pm, went out and around the corner, waited, and poof! Ball drop, fireworks, cab to ferry landing, and home by two AM, whereupon my wife got extremely sick.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    And, little did we know that Cablevision and Scripps would have a falling out, such that as of midnight 12/31, Cablevision was no longer carrying HGTV and Food Network, causing my wife some serious withdrawals.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

    I play keyboards in Wence’s band, bitches.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @NINA HAGEN: We go to Times Square to see the ball fall — J Lo was not on the agenda, nor was any of the other hoopla. And we certainly weren’t going to stand in a pen for eight hours to wait to see it. We have this down to a science now. We get a late reservation at our favorite steakhouse, eat until 11:30 or so, then saunter out, wait, watch the ball drop, have our ceremonial first kiss of the year, then hot-foot it out of The City.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    @Newt: My wife watches the ball every year on television. We have talked about going to NYC to watch it but do not really want to deal with the crowds so I am calling you next year.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @WHYAMIHERE: I’m actually blasé about it, to the point I didn’t even want to go this year, but actually, this time was the most fun we’ve had (or at least, I’ve had), since the first time we did it, after we first met. I initially proposed to my wife on our first NYE in NYC, though I didn’t have a ring to give her. The formal proposal came later.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    @Newt: That is absolutely the way to do it and I may attempt that some day. However, I don’t like being even in the vicinity of Times Square on New Year’s Eve because there’s a crazy energy that always struck me as negative and unpredictable instead of festive. It starts getting weird in Midtown in the late afternoon – it’s like manic desperation that grows more intense as night sets in. It drives me up uptown in a hurry. Maybe the key is to stay indoors until you absolutely have to go outside to see the ball drop.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    Wha? There’s Wordsmoker bands now? No one invited me and I’ll have you know that I rocked the flutophone in grade school. Rocked. It.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    Newt: Please pass along my deepest sympathies to your wife for the loss of HGTV. I, too, just went for a week without, and it hurt my heart to its depths. Oh, the humanity! Tomorrow, as I get my first day totally alone in two weeks, and am cleaning up the Christmas decorations and doing endless loads of wash, it shall be on, no matter what is showing. :)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @GERBILSINLOVE: I can live without it; HGTV was the reason my wife decided to renovate our house from top to bottom.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/dahlelama/ DahlELama

    2009: Lots of suckiness, capped off by a night in Atlantic City w/Mr. Lama (and a wonderfully oversized shower) and a pretty decent New Year’s.

    2010: Lots of new clothes, thanks to my mother’s ridiculously wonderful early birthday gift of a shopping spree for her broke, broke daughter.

    Things are looking up! Happy 2010 to all!