Drunk 4 Year Old Crossdresser Ruins Christmas
Oh congratulate yourselves, America – you just mutated, slightly. As a country, one of your own has raced ahead of all others into territory Child Protective Services now call “unknown”. For one of your number has displayed a mixture of intelligence and menace beyond rational explanation – I refer, of course – to the 4 year old boy who got drunk, broke out of his home and broke into his neighbors, opened their gifts, and ended up wearing a brown dress holding a 12oz bottle of Bud. America – you excel.
You should really pat yourselves on the back. There is no part of this story that isn’t incredible, and it happened in your country. I mean – Balloon Boy has nothing on Little Hayden Wright. You must all watch this, maybe a couple of times, maybe just once. It’s hard to know when it’s gonna hit you.
Hayden Wright probably won’t grow up to be a golfer, accruing great riches through corporate sponsorship. Nor will he become a spokesperson for any top brand. But you never know. There are always second acts in American lives, no matter what you’ve heard – Little Hayden’s second act either involves a series of churches located across the Midwest mysteriously burning down, or a hit show on VH1. Perhaps both.
Anyway. It’s America, and it’s hard not to love you for it. MERRY CHRISTMAS.