My Senate Proposal: Those Who Filibuster Must Soil Themselves
December 15, 2009 in I SHIT YOU NOT, Politics
We keep hearing how the threat of filibuster from some senators is forcing Democrats to gut the healthcare bill of any meaningful reform. First the public option bit the dust. Then, Senator Joe Lieberman refused to back a Medicare-expansion compromise he once supported. Democrats who support the original bill have a majority, but they are “powerless” (we are told) to stand up to moderates like Lieberman because he might … filibuster! Oh no! And we couldn’t have that, could we?
Well I say: Go ahead and let Joe Lieberman stage a filibuster — but it has to be real one. That means he has to keep talking and stay on the senate floor. If he leaves the floor for any reason — for example, to go to the bathroom — the filibuster is over.
The implications of that are pretty clear, are they not? If Joe Lieberman really wants to stall any meaningful reform from passing the senate, he must publicly soil himself to do it.
There are no bathroom breaks in a real filibuster, as I understand it. After all, I know how filibusters work: I saw Mr. Smith Goes To Washington — now that was a real filibuster, folks. Jimmy Stewart had to stay on that floor and keep on talking. There were no “breaks” allowed for Jimmy, oh no. (Of course, he didn’t urinate or defecate on himself, but that’s only because nobody went to the bathroom in the Golden Age of Hollywood.)
If the obstructionist minority wants to use a filibuster to derail genuine reform, it should be a real one. A Mister Smith Goes to Washington one. No breaks. If Joe Lieberman is serious about his filibuster threat, she should have to stand out there on the floor and soil himself in front of the whole world, right there on C-SPAN. Go ahead Joe — it’s your constitutional right!
Then other Democratic senators should be feel free to taunt him by asking things like: “Will the Senator who is drenched in his own urine yield the floor?” Or, “I call on Senator Poopy-pants to yield the floor!”
Oh, and another thing: No wearing adult diapers allowed. The founding fathers didn’t have Depends, so neither should Joe or any other filibuster-threateners.
They might be allowed to take a bucket out there with them, though. They could piss and shit in the bucket, but they’d have to do so in the middle of the senate floor, with everyone watching. And they couldn’t use any toilet paper. The Founders didn’t have that either.
