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What’s My Fragrance?

December 12, 2009 in Fashion

Now that I’ve got my handbag line out there, it’s time to launch my fragrance!

After the jump, you’ll find two lists:

List A contains the perfume names I came up with last night while talking to the cat my marketing team and I have been developing since the end of Q1 2009 (that’s business talk for a special business robot that died but that you might not know about unless you are a businessman).

List B contains the names of potential celebrity spokespeople.

So what should it be? Clown Car by Lena Horne, or perhaps Annie Leibovitz’s Leibospritz?

List A

Tetanus

Tubwhiskers

Unicornicopia

Perineum

Hon

Halletosis

Starstank!

Flowers ‘n’ Fuck All

Holding Cell

Glampire

List B

Dick Cheney

Jocelyn Wildenstein

Ashley Judd

Brangelina

Taylor Lautner

Miley Cyrus

Dee Snider

Diane Sawyer

The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders

Bryant Gumbel




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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/katekate/ katekate is squared

    Now I’m just thinking about Dee Snider’s taint.

    Although, a very drunk Diane Sawyer promoting her new fragrance Flowers ‘n’ Fuck All is pretty enticing.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I love this thing. It reminds me of the matching portion of the tests that my incompetent public middle school would allow. You know the ones that were headed, “Match the world leader with his country.” My biggest problem wasn’t that there were also a few female world leaders on the list and they persisted in using “his.” It was the complete lack of effort on the part of the teachers who made the tests. As though there were so many possible choices with which to match Golda Meir.

    I like the sound of Tubwhiskers by Bryant Gumbel.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/forwardmotion/ forwardmotion

    I await Jaimee Grubb’s new fragrance, Grubbtastic.

    Grubbtastic: When you know it’s over.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sarahheartburn/ SarahHeartburn

    Like MadLibs for people who read the NY Times Style section with a nosebleed.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Chillbear: way back in the stone age, when you were in junior high school, “his” was appropriately used to signify “his” or “hers.” Strangely, I still prefer the generic “his” to “his and/or hers.” You probably already know this bit of trivia, which means I responded to your wry comment with an uptight answer. Which brings me to ForwardMotion.

    @ForwardMotion: It saddens me that I actually know, without looking it up, that it’s Jame Gumb. However, I, like you, would like to see a fragrance – say, Jame Gumb’s Precious Lotion?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sarahheartburn/ SarahHeartburn

    A)Effluvia
    Legumes
    Cartilage
    Not if I Were You

    B)Zombie Linus Pauling
    Agnes of God
    Harper Lee
    Zombie Gutzon Borglum

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lawyergay/ lawyergay

    Chillbear: Here at LGHQ, we look back to middle school for a lot of our inspiration. You could say that it’s a major ingredient in our “special sauce.” But please don’t limit yourself to matching List A to List B. Creating a fragrance is about creativity. If that means our line of Squad Car Men’s Grooming Products, featuring a scent designed exclusively by Chillbear Latrigue is our next big launch, then so be it. I wish we still had Q1 2009 around. You could just spray stuff into its main opening and it would light up and then ding if it liked it.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    LG: I’ll take one Squad Car Loofah and a case of the Evidence Locker Soap-on-a-Rope, please!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lawyergay/ lawyergay

    KKSquared: Ha! I feel ya. Dee Snider’s Perineum is clearly one of the top choices here at LGHQ.

    I am also kind of in love with the idea of Holding Cell by Miley Cyrus, but that’s just me.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/berightback/ berightback

    Hon by Ashley Judd is all too plausible. As is Unicornicopia by Jocelyn Wildenstein.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    Axilla by John Barrowman

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/baroness/ Baroness

    I know for a fact that Tom Ford has already registered Perineum as a trade name, alas. Ballsy idea, but there’s a space between that and the gaping hole in his idea- not everyone knows that restaurant in Rome!

    I once took a lovah in the high end fragrance/smells/”juice” business. I loved all the swag- who wouldn’t?- but it really comes down to whether you like a scent or not, right? No matter the name or the cost, you either like it or you have someone fired for their overly floral nose-palette. I’m not Granny! Thanks to my youth, and all those abortions.

    Anyway, the fun runs out after a while, having too much scent to sample means you walk around smelling like a new issue of Vanity Fair when it comes, rip open the plastic and those inserts make a sickening miasma of ladystink. I have the maid rip them all out and the issue sent to the dry-cleaners now before I’ll read it.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sfbirdie/ sfbirdie

    I would appreciate a John Mayer Douchebag or Bag of the Douche.. but I’ll take whatevs you throw out there, considering you are damn sexy and everyone should smell like you do.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    I think that Tiger Woods might consider snapping up Tetanus.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    That is Chillbear on the left, he hates flowers and destroys them on sight*, and on the right is Rene, who is always ready to stop and smell the roses, and he is schooling his friend to do the same.

    *There is video evidence of this.

  • http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

    BL: The Chill is usually on the right, but (as always) I defer to your wise woman ways.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    I was thinking of John Barrowman’s teabag.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/heneage/ Heneage

    Desperation – the new fragrance by Paris Hilton.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Contrary to a popular rumor that is floating around the web these days, I do not sit around naked, holding Sance while we examine flowers. This is a vicious pack of half-truths.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/sfbirdie/ sfbirdie

    I’d probably buy anything Bryant Gumbel pushes. I’ve always found him to be quite sexy.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @SFBirdie: did you see the SNL skit where David Alan Grier played Bryant Gumbel interviewing Slobodan Milosevic (I spelled that w/o looking it up, people!) and every time they went to a commercial break, Grier/Gumbel would jump up and start jamming to his tunes and talkin’ black slang. I don’t know why, but I found that really funny.

    @Chillbear: I imagine you wearing something like Jackboots, by Dirty Harry. On the other hand, I imagine Rene wearing Spaces, by David Hilbert. I guess that’s why you guys like to sit and smell flowers together. BTW, we didn’t think you were naked – I’m assuming you both have thongs?

    Rene or Chill?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    Damn it, that was one funny picture. Okay, let’s try this one:

    Rene or Chillbear?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    @MamaP: Oh okay, with the thongs it’s accurate. Thanks for clearing this up.

  • http://wordsmoker.com sphinx

    Also see, SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATE AND ARMPIT.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    Weasel — a fragrance by Joe Lieberman.

    Hysteria — Glenn Beck’s signature fragrance.

    2-Iron — Tiger Woods’ newest fragrance really knows how to attract the ladies.

    Gavel — ask Justice Sotomayor — it’s what the wise Latina is wearing.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/whyamihere/ WhyamIhere?

    @Kneetoe and BL: Chill is on the right. Of course you have to look at it from his perspective to see that.