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Get The Real Experience Of Fucking A Dead Guy!

November 20, 2009 in Things Unnecessary

Ever wanted to know what it would be like to fuck a dead guy (other than that really drunk bro from the bar who couldn’t get it up)? I know I have!

Now you too can experience the joys of necrophilia without the pesky legal implications!

Just throw your dildo (link NSFW) in the freezer, and you can know what it’s like to make babies with Edward Cullen! But only after you’re married, of course (and let’s face it: if the gays had their way, we’d all be able to marry whomever or whatever we wanted!).

“Updated by popular request… the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.”

But wait, there’s more! Not only does this dildo feel just like the throbbing member of a certain someone, but it’s imbued with the

“…deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon’s soft glow… [T]ry taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.”

But that might warm it up, which would defeat the entire purpose of fucking a dead guy.

Buy yours today–only $39.99 plus shipping and handling! Sorry, no cock… er, cash on delivery.

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

    $40 and it doesn’t even vibrate? Sparkles will only get you so far.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    Twihard, With a Vengeance!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anonymous/ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus

    Well, I don’t know how good it is but it doesn’t suck.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

    I’m w/Monkey on this for the record.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/katekate/ katekate is squared

    I didn’t say this above, but there is just something inherently gross to me about this product. Not to mention, if you actually go to the website and read the description there is something in there from the person who made it and how it’s modeled after her “sire’s” member… uggggh. All kinds of weird.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @monkeyrash, @Nina Hagen: Does his vibrate? Just sayin’…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/katekate/ katekate is squared

    @Newt: Ladies don’t vibrate and tell.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @katekate is squared: It depends on who is doin’ the vibratin’…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    Get The Real Experience Of Fucking A Dead Guy!

    When I first saw this, I thought it had to do with Abe Vigoda…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

    Really, aren’t vampires undead?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @monkeyrash:

    “I’m not dead!”

    “Yes you are!”

    “I’m feeling better.”

    “No you aren’t — you’ll be stone dead in a moment!”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

    @Newt: Love, love, love.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    Whatever haters I would still fuck the undead out of Edward Cullen.
    Or Emmit Cullen.
    But not Jasper, or the werewolf.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    SS: Well, the werewold guy is underage. Hawt, but underage.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/gerbilsinlove/ gerbilsinlove

    That would be werewolf. I need an edit button.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    Gerbs- Edward is only 17. Forever 17. But in our years he is like 100 so I would either be a cradle robber or dating a much much MUCH older man…. I am cool with either.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    Do people often take dildos out into the sunlight, as in outside, in one’s hand, where all can see it? I’m more repressed than I thought!

    Also – eew to the pasty dick. Blech.