Wordsmoker

Let’s face it, we’ve all pretended we’re someone else from time to time. Some days I pretend I’m a fully-functioning human being, with actual friends and maybe a clean microwave oven and a selection of exciting underwear bought from reputable sources. But sometimes we get found out, say, for example – the authorities discover that you’re not an actual superhero with the ability to climb walls while fighting crime and that you’re just a depraved Scottish pervert with a penchant for dressing up as some sort of crotchless Spiderman while mumbling to himself about Green Goblin’s infiltrating nurse’s homes. Where was I?

Oh yes, this is a good story indeed. From The Smoking Gun:

Just in time for Veteran’s Day, a California bank employee is facing federal charges for allegedly masquerading as a decorated Marine and wearing a host of bogus medals, including the Purple Heart, Bronze Star, and Navy Cross.

To give me my due, I only impersonated a perverted superhero, not an actual war hero.

Steven Burton, 39, is scheduled to surrender tomorrow in U.S. District Court in Riverside, California (Burton, who has never served in the armed forces, was named last week in a misdemeanor criminal information charging him with the unauthorized wearing of military medals).

For info – wearing a crotchless Spiderman “uniform” is also a misdemeanor, apparently. And not to be advised during the Winter months in Scotland.

Burton’s charade was discovered after an actual Navy commander, Colleen Salonga, ran into Burton at their high school reunion. Online records indicate that Salonga and Burton graduated in 1988 from Alhambra High School in Martinez, California (and that their class’s 20th reunion was last October).

I like this bit coming up. The bit below this bit, which I copied and pasted. Below.

Suspicious that Burton was playing dress up, Salonga asked to take a photo with him. That image, seen below, was later provided to FBI agents. A subsequent investigation turned up another photo of Burton in uniform as well as blog postings in which he recounted his “combat experience” and tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The “image, seen below” is actually up top. I hope you’re not confused. Or aroused.

In the real world, Burton is employed at Rabobank in Palm Springs, California.

In many ways, aren’t we all?