You are browsing the archive for 2009 November.

Yes – Just Wait Until It’s Older

November 30, 2009 in Kitten War, Over-Explanations

Death awaits you, kitteh torturerYes, kitten torturer – it’s all very cute right now, what with your MASSIVE FUCKING FINGERS assaulting it’s poor kitteh belly REPEATEDLY for extreme comedic effect. But just you wait until it’s a bit older, and it starts literally STRIPPING THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES WITH IT’S TEETH AND CLAWS LIKE A FURRY PIRANHA. (Note to BellTolls – can you give me 100 words on “furry piranhas”? I’m sure they exist.)

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The Ashtray – From Kirk Cameron To A Penguino

November 30, 2009 in The Ashtray

The AshtrayHello my beauties! See how beginning a paragraph with a sentence ending in an exclamation mark completely belies the fact that I’m almost drowning in a flood of tiredness? I don’t know what’s up with me – besides clinical depression – but I am mulling ingesting LSD and connecting some of my toes to a car battery while inhaling a range of commercial solvents in an attempt to kick-start myself, somehow. I’ll let you know how it goes. Enough of my personal issues – on with the re-cap of stuff posted last week. Don’t Stop Believin’!

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The Smokies – Ars Graffiti Artis Edition

November 29, 2009 in The Smokie Awards

The SmokiesI was resigned to write the predicable “After Thanksgiving” themed Smokies, when I received an invitation that I knew would provide me with a new theme and inevitably delay my completion of the Smokies. The invite was to an “art scavenger hunt.” I had never heard of such a thing before, but if you have, please bear with me while I summarize.

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Smokin’ Comment: Mama Penguino on Thanksgiving

November 28, 2009 in Smokin' Comments

smokin-commentMama Penguino is that rarest of Wordsmokers, a highly-valued contributor who has been honored as much for her articles as for her comments.  She took the opportunity offered by Virus in the Thanksgiving open thread to share her reflections on that holiday, and those ahead.  The following comment medley has been lightly edited for continuity. 


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Five Second Movie Review – Black Friday Edition

November 27, 2009 in 5 Second Movie Review, Wordsmoker

The Road is the best feel-good holiday movie since Munich.

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by helene

The Wordsmoker Colony – Planet Helene

November 27, 2009 in Wordsmoker Colonization

Wordsmoker Colony(Space – it’s the final frontier, unless you include really good hallucinogenics. It’s where we – humanity – will be colonizing one day, perhaps a Tuesday – in the future. Yes – “future Tuesdays” – they already sound magical and fantastic, as opposed to “Wednesdays”, which will always be shit no matter how cool you think you look in your silver jumpsuit. The collection of words below here form Wordsmoker Helene’s choices – if you’re still confused, here’s the original post. Beam them up – INTO YOUR BRAINS – and send your choices into the usual futuristic email address. Ed)

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Centron Corporation, Inc. Wishes You and Yours a Happy Thanksgiving

November 26, 2009 in Wenceducation

Your Super-Secret Thanksgiving Open Thread

November 25, 2009 in Wordsmoker Open Thread

Wordsmoker LogoThursday is “Thanksgiving” and is already happening in some countries in weird time-zones that don’t celebrate it, or even support the idea of it within their “constitutions” or “by-laws”. Strange, eh? It’s like the “World” Series only being cared about in America or something. Confusing! Anyway, seeing how all the internet happens in America, and America shuts down so turkey can be inhaled like oxygen, Wordsmoker is providing a public service to you – the public – a little place where you can live-blog or vent your Thanksgiving horror-shambles/undiluted joy. Servicey!

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The Dead Bird Derby

November 25, 2009 in Rants

Well, here we are, boys and girls and whatevers, another Thanksgiving is upon us. I’ve come to the conclusion that I dislike Thanksgiving and almost all it stands for.

For starters, why do we have to have a special day to be grateful for our blessings? Is that not artificial? OK, cool, here we are, fat, rich, and happy. Let’s drop a box of mac & cheese off at the homeless shelter to feel good about ourselves and re-enforce our position in life. Then we’ll go spend money at the mall the next day. No, gratitude is like New Year’s resolutions. If it’s that important, you shouldn’t wait.

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