Wordsmoker

There has been a lot of talk lately about whether or not women are able to be Wingmen. Many of you may not know this, but I have written a series of short stories about Wingmen that are loosely based on the actual exploits of my friends and I. Although these stories are fictitious, all of the techniques that are described have been used effectively at one point or another.

In order to present my case on female Wingmen (a confusing term in and of itself ), I have chosen the classic interview as my method of conveyance. Due to my respect for the highbrow humor that is prevalent on Wordsmoker, this is the only Chance Ransom story that has ever been submitted to the site. However the seriousness of the topic has forced me to unleash Ransom on you all. May God have mercy on my soul. Don’t believe in God? You may want to reconsider before reading on…

A Continued Conversation With Chance Ransom – By Miles B. Harrington

In 2008, I was fortunate enough to have an interview with noted Wingman, Chance Ransom. However, our dialogue was interrupted for reasons that are still not known to this reporter. The last question that I asked was, “Has there ever been a female Wingman?” That question has gone unanswered, until now.

Mr. Ransom agreed to a short telephonic interview about the specific subject of female Wingmen. The following is a verbatim transcript of that conversation.

MH: Because I know you are pressed for time, I want to get directly to the questions, but thank you for taking my call.

CR: It’s my pleasure.

MH: Female Wingmen. Is there such a thing?

CR: Look, there’s a lot of confusion about what a Wingman is. I think it would be better if we defined terms before we talk about who can and can’t be a Wingman.

MH: What do you mean?

CR: I’m a professional Wingman. I have a strict set of rules and a code of conduct. There are only a handful of people like that in the world. That doesn’t mean that a guy in a bar can’t help his buddy pick up a girl. He’s just not trained to do it, but the outcome can still be successful.

MH: Interesting, but you mention men. What about women calling themselves “Wingmen” or I’ve also heard “wing-women?”

CR: I will get to that, but I will tell you that there are no professional females in my line of work. Now I suppose that there are amateur women doing the same kind of thing for their friends that the men do. I imagine that happens often enough.

MH: So women helping their girlfriends score with guys?

CR: No, that would be absurd. Women have every natural advantage in that respect. It would be more like women helping their male friends hook up. What you’re suggesting is like designing a car with an extra set of tires on top in case the world turned upside down while you were driving through a parking garage.

MH: So if I can understand what you are telling me, there is never a situation where a girl helps another girl have sex with a guy?

CR: No. You have to understand that it’s not the Wingman who defines himself. It’s also not the person who he’s helping that defines him. It’s the target. If the target is a heterosexual guy then the pursuer or principal, as we call it in the trade, doesn’t need a Wingman. Heterosexual guys will have sex with any woman within reason. Remember there are at least three parties in every Wingman transaction. It’s the target that defines the mission.

MH: What if the target is good looking confident guy and the principal is an unfortunately unattractive woman? Surely then she needs a Wingman, right?

CR: Again you’re confusing what a Wingman does. He’s not a magician. He can remove obstacles and facilitate desires, but he can’t really get anyone to do something that he or she doesn’t want to do on some level. Switch it back around to the more conventional situation. When I go out with a client and I see that there is clearly no interest on the part of the target…well, let’s just say I don’t take those cases. It would be setting myself up for failure. On the other hand, if there’s any sort of potential, then I’m going to remove the obstacles.

MH: What are those obstacles, Chance?

CR: The biggest thing is the girlfriends. They always like to hover about and protect the target. Some of them are completely hostile. They know what I’m all about and are looking for me to do exactly what I’m going to do. They see right through me even if they don’t know my professional status. My art is to do it anyway. Whether they hate me or love me later is of no consequence. Other things could be a boyfriend, drugs, insecurity. You know. Things like that. Sometimes it’s something as simple as a pet cat or dog that gets in the way.

MH: Okay, but you still haven’t answered my question. Can women be Wingmen?

CR: Why couldn’t they? Do you really think that they’re all that different?  But if you’re asking me whether there are women out there that do what I do? Absolutely not. It takes more than just matching up a coat and hat and hitting the local pub. With training… let me tell you something. If women were ever trained to be Wingmen, it would be the end of the days.

MH: Come on, Chance.

CR: What do you mean: “come on?” They’re better than us at this game. That’s the whole reason why people like me were created. We live and die by secrecy. When was the last time was that you sat across the table from a woman when you didn’t know that she already had your number?

MH: Well, I…

CR: You never have. It doesn’t happen. When we hang up, I want you to Google The Norton-Fallsburg Experiment. It was an attempt by my organization to train female Wingmen. Do you know why it failed?

MH: I have no idea.

CR: It didn’t. They terminated the experiment because the results frightened them. They told us it had to do with the unreliability of women when it came to going up against their own. To a certain extent that was true, but they also knew that if our tactics ever fell into the wrong hands, it would spell our demise.

MH: How…umm…terrifying?

CR: I’m about to drop the phone into the cradle.

MH: My apologies. Chance, what about the women who go out in the bars every day and help their girlfriends navigate the cesspool that is the singles scene?

CR: God, I hate the way you talk, Harrington. Those women are heroes or villains. It’s all a matter of perspective. Selfless, caring, bitchy, greedy. They look out for their girlfriends and not you, but they’re also not Wingmen. My mentor once told me, “We are basset hounds, fetching food for our masters.”  There’s nothing all that noble about what I do. Being a Wingman has gotten a pretty nice reputation in he past few years. People want to be like us. It’s the new fad, but the reality is that it’s not what they think it is. It’s a thousand nights of mashing cigarettes in an ashtray and drinking whiskey dregs from the bottom of a dirty glass. It’s hundreds of conversations about ex-boyfriends and sick cats. If you like hearing about weight loss plans and who’s swapping fluids in the tabloids, by all means, have at it.

MH: For my readers…

CR: But it’s not going to happen overnight. You can’t become a Wingman by just declaring it.

MH: Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. So, for my readers, you’re saying that women could be Wingmen, but that world is closed to them because they can’t receive the training and even if they could they would be unnecessary instruments?

CR: Women do not need Wingmen. The mission of a Wingman is already accomplished when his principal is a woman. However, if they were trained, it would render actual Wingmen ineffective. The only way that a Wingman can ever truly be effective is to operate under the cover of darkness.

MH: So, why are you doing it, Chance? Why are you sabotaging yourself? You know you’re giving it all up.

CR: That’s a good question, but right now I need a drink. I hope you got what you needed.

An abrupt click announced that the interview was over as the phone went dead.

Miles Harrington is a freelance writer.

The original interview can be read here: A Conversation With Chance Ransom

So there you have it. To be honest with you, I kind of thought that Chance would be a little more on my side, being that he is my fictitious character, but there you have it. What have we learned?

- While women are innately superior in this arena, they lack the proper training to be effective Wingmen.

- Even if they were so trained, their mission would only have meaning if they were helping men pick up women or possibly women picking up other women.

- If the target is not a woman, you really don’t have a Wingman situation.

- Women helping other women in bars, while possibly noble, is not Wingman work.

Well, I hope that this clears things up for you, but I will stick around in the comment section for follow up questions.