Things Unnecessary

October 12, 2009 in Things Unnecessary

Baby Jesus Butt Plug, anyone?

I am sure there are words for this but they fail me.

Maybe Mad Libs? Grab a _______ and get started!

Robert Cohn was once __________ champion of Princeton. Do not think that I am very much impressed by that as a __________ title, but it meant a lot to Cohn. He cared nothing for __________, in fact he disliked it, but he learned it painfully and thoroughly to counteract the feeling of __________ and __________ he had felt on being treated as a __________ at Princeton. There was a certain __________ in knowing he could __________ anybody who was __________ to him, although, being very __________ and a thoroughly __________ boy, he never fought except in the __________. He was Spider Kelly’s star __________. Spider Kelly taught all his young gentlemen to __________ like __________, no matter whether they weighed one hundred and five or two hundred and five pounds. But it seemed to fit Cohn. He was really very __________. He was so good that Spider promptly __________ him and got his __________ permanently __________. This increased Cohn’s distaste for __________, but it gave him a certain satisfaction of some strange sort, and it certainly improved his __________. In his last year at Princeton he __________ too much and took to wearing __________. I never met any one of his __________who remembered him. They did not even remember that he was __________.

Tags: Arawaks? Pffffffft...., growth industries, happy monday!, Hemingway, lol sex toys, Mad Libs, masturbation, NSFW Maybe?, the sun also sets, this is what happens when Mr. hagen yells at ESPN, Time Wasting, why did I go to grad school?

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Jennifer One – Part 2 →

http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

I want to know what you were actually searching for when you came across these. Or maybe I don’t.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

Nina: I love the Mad Libs idea, but don’t we need to know the part of speech to properly insert the words? You don’t want any gerunds out there do you? I hate gerunds. Always pretending to be something that they’re not.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

CB: I thought I’d let people get creative. And I am lazy.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

@ NH: Here are the first twelve. I can see why you didn’t do this. I only really tried for the first seven. Maybe someone can pick up the rest. I really don’t remember how Mad Libs work.

1. Noun
2. An Activity
3. Adjective
4. Noun
5. Feeling
6. Feeling
7. Noun
8. Gerund
9. Gerund
10. Gerund
11. Gerund
12. Gerund
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

Nina, I know this isn’t what you really meant by this post, but I wish someone would write a tasteful piece about just what in the heck you do with this paraphernalia. I’m assuming a butt plug is a plug for the bottom, but once it’s in there, then what happens? Is it supposed to feel good? Wouldn’t it just feel like being constipated? And what about dildos? Okay, so you insert them into your vagina and maybe even move them around, up and down, etc., but then what? If you cannot climax from vaginal action alone, don’t you need yet another hand for clitoral stimulation? And say you’re sporting a butt plug, a dildo AND something to provide clitoral stimulation, isn’t that awfully busy? Wouldn’t your arms get tired? Can somebody help me here?
http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

@MP: God helps those that help themselves.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

@BL: I’m imagining Mr. Penguino entering the bedroom only to see my array of toys. He stops, slumps, and says, “Honey, what is the cat toy doing in your bottom?”
http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

“You are supposed to be Jewish, what is the Baby Jesus doing in your butt? Can’t you use a havdallah candle like a normal person?”
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

MP: This is a great start:

Christ, it’s not even noon…
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

@BL: LOL!!!

@NH: Wonderful, thank you. I can’t read it at work, of course, but I’ll check it out when I get home from work. That is, if I can get 5 minutes alone!
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

BL: There is a Judas dildo for all of you heathens.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

I can see the grim reaper being a big hit with the goth crowd. I am a little sad that I see either these being a hit with anyone though.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

MP- I don’t even want to think about how that would work. I will just stick to picking some decently attractive guy from a bar and having awkward post coital conversation until he gets the hint and leave.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

These butt plugs are a load of crap.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/belltolls/ Belltolls

Heresy!
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anonymous/ Because Sexus, Plexus and Nexus

Man, that really rolls the stones back from my cave.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/fifi/ Fifi

The only good reason that I can think of to purchase a butt plug is for a gag (heh) gift. I’m with MamaP on the whole “what the heck do you do with them” thing.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/belltolls/ Belltolls

@Nina Can’t get over that you would couple a butt plug with a Mad Lib of the opening graph of Sun Also Rises in a post. That’s like coupling an ad for those plastic ball sacks that people hang from their truck’s trailer hitch with a Mad Lib from The Great Gatsby:

“Whenever you feel like _____ any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t _____ the _____ that you’ve had.”
http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

Mama P: Get with the program; the cat toy is clearly for your pussy. Geez.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/berightback/ berightback

BT: In my opinion, that is the absolute genius here. I also think both that Mad Lib and your Fitzgerald one are funnier unfilled. Terse, tense, masculine sentences suddenly opened to new sensations.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

@Knee: Sheesh. Did I set that one up or what? Good show!
http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

@Mama P: I did play t-ball as a kid.
http://wordsmoker.com sphinx
http://wordsmoker.com sphinx

This thing reminds me of that thing.

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