Wordsmoker

The first thing I noticed was that one of these things is not like the others, but that could be my 5-yr-old’s influence. Then I thought, “In these troubled times, there is still no cost to . . . ” and then I can’t do it because saying “shit” in this context is something I cannot do and people will laugh at me if I say, “pooping is free.” Aw, fuck it.

Hippity, how about:

I PEE FREELY?

@Virus, yes, and you have me doing it, now. Let this be a lesson, kids! Just because Virus is going to jump off the bridge, doesn’t mean you have to, too!

Okay. Mr. Hippity. I think the three toilets advertised as “FREE” are a metaphor for many things, most notably, our society’s response to our global recession. I think the toilets are three as “3″ is a magical number in many cultures; to-wit, three on a match, strike three and you’re out, three’s company, and three toilets in the yard is a signifier for magic since three is a magical number and you know who things come in threes (like the three examples with which I just provided you — n.b., notice how I used the preposition correctly there). The presence of the “FREE” sign resting atop the toilets (get that? resting atop the toilets in the same way that an individual might rest atop a toilet while said individual does said individual’s business – business being a euphemism for urinating or defecating, that would be a euphemism inside a metaphor, very clever and multi-layered); the sign is resting because it’s tired, tired like the people are tired, tired of the number three, perhaps, or tired because life is fraught with such agony and sadness but then toilet to the right says, “but I’m not free! the sign does not touch me!” because toilet number three (get it? get it?) represents the will of the people, the people who say, “no, I will not go for free!” and it’s strong, stronger than the other two toilets that are free and expect no remuneration just free and easy like a couple of hippies, hippies who wouldn’t even bother to wipe their bottoms because everyone knows how unkempt hippies are, but notice, then that the pink toilet – the free toilet on the right – is similar in color and model to the first toilet, toilet number one, on the far left, which represents pink toilet’s ability to think for itself; it says, “No, other pink toilet, toilet number three, I will not be bound by your linear logic and rationale, I am FREE like my brother, the brown and white toilet” and the pink toilet continues, “I unite in freedom with my brown and white brother!” And the pink toilet on the right thinks, “COMMUNIST!” And what they don’t understand is in the end, we’re all just another toilet sitting in the lawn, some free, some not. Thank you.

YOU ALL ARE DOING IT WRONG! YOU ARE CAPTIONING NOT EXPLICATING!

@Tig & Rene: OH. MY. GOD. I had to Google that and now when I’m murdered, someone’s going to get my Google search records and find that and the entire investigation is going to take a wrong turn! And it’s true; Rene is squeamish and slightly puritanical, which is why he’s so hot.