Give The Gift Of Meat

September 28, 2009 in Wordsmoker Publishing

A number of years ago the American Beef Council or some purveyor of fine meats used the saying “Give the Gift of Meat” as a  holiday sales campaign slogan.   Those of us with somewhat juvenile senses of humor thought that was incredibly funny.

Today there are still some businesses that use the slogan without trying to be intentionally comedic.  Many of these ad campaigns come from Australia, where it is well-known that the inhabitants are generally free of the affliction of irony.

gift the gift of meat

(By the way, when searching for images for this slogan you might want to turn “safe search” on.  Or not.  Whatever.)

You also can go to the fossil farms website and find the following ad:

Exotic Meat Package Specials

Now if you are like me, there is something funny about the phrase “Exotic Meat Package Specials.”   And giving an Exotic Meat Package as a gift?   Well that’s just freakin’ hilarious. 

I bring this up as a way of introducing the topic of giving.

There are many ways to show your support for our beloved little Wordsmoker community.    Just reading, writing and commenting are far and away the most important.  Wordsmoker mainly exists because people who generally don’t have much to give in the way of financial resources are willing to contribute in ways that are far more important.  They give their time and wit and commitment.  They give their writing:  and every writer knows that no matter how slight the text may be, writing is never easy and sometimes the writing is painful.   So if you do nothing else, just keep doing what you are already doing, because that is what makes this place succeed.

That said, here are three more ways to support this site:

#1 The first one is free and easy.  Look in the upper right corner of your window and make sure that you do not have AdBlock on.

APB Green  YES!


ABP Red  NO!The ABP Button should be Green:

Not Red.



If you need to change the settings just open the drop-down menu using the little arrow on the right.

ABP Menu

#2 The second way to support the site is to donate.  For those of you who are not familiar with our little community, we all contribute our writing for free. This includes our fine editor who puts a shitload of time and effort and expertise into keeping this little experiment going.     No one is making any profit out of this.  But the ad support and contributions do help our editor pay for the technological support that we need, including equipment.

If you can spare a bit of change (and these days you very well may not be able to) then try to remember to put a few bucks in the tip jar every now and then.

Just for fun I have come up with suggested donations based on ones level of un/under-employment:

$ USD £ GBP
$8.00            £5.00          unemployed
$12.00           £7.50          student
$16.00           £10.00        creative underclass
$20.00          £12.50         teacher (untenured/adjunct)
$24.00          £15.00         non-union/non-profit
$32.00 +       £20.00 +    lucky

Wordsmokers may very well wish to change the amounts and categories if these do not seem at all reasonable.   Please share your ideas in the comments below.

Scotland Haggis (Wikimedia Image)#3. Frankly, if the ads and contributions were to make our editor rich — RICH like Richie Rich (aka Alan) — I think that would be fabulous and no one would deserve to be free of poverty more than he.   However, I know he is not the only one amongst our humble community who is struggling financially.

So our undying gratitude and affection and the occasional (and tastefully posed)  photographs of titties are all he really asks for.

And really, isn’t love the greatest gift of all?

Besides meat, that is.


  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    So if I send 20 quid, will the meat arrive on dry ice? Or are you dispatching an exotic male stripper? Will the stripper be on dry ice as well?

    Seriously, giving to the WS is good. I’ve given before and will again when payday rolls around in a few days. This blog is worth way more than the little bits of change I can throw toward Virus and GLORIOUS SERVER, but I’m happy to do what I can.

  • http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

    @Virus: I’ve got some nice shots of my titties, and as soon as I can convince myself they’re tasteful, I’ll email them to you. Everyone else, here’s the menu:

    untasteful: $.01
    tasteful: £?? (fuck you, you do the math (not you, BL, you hate math)).

    Anyway, they’re free, ok. Once I figure out how to use this goddamn camera . . . .

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/korainhell/ korainhell

    Ha ha! These are the ads in the sidebar for this page:

    meat ads

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lawyergay/ lawyergay

    I need some PayPal advice. No matter which credit card I use, the transaction always bogs down because my xenophobic creditors don’t want to convert dollars into pounds. Has this happened to anyone else, and if so what did you do?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anna/ Anna

    I wish I had the finantial means to give money to WS at this time, but living on disability checks doesn’t even leave much room for a good package of sliced meat at the deli these days (I have to work with only 75 dollars a week for spending money–which means mini sausages for me, if any). So for now, I hope that you all will be OK with my contributions coming in the form of words. I also am trying my hardest to let my friends that I know from other places becides facebook, Jez, Wordsmoker, etc……that I am writing here, and to come check it out, and I hope that they are. Some of them have lots of money for meat and donations, so hopefully, just maybe, one of them will send some in.

    BTW–my brother and his wife grow thier own meat! Seriously, they have cows and pigs and chickens and have them slaughtered so they can have trully “homegrown organic meat.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    Creed has sent VWS tons of $$$

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    OK, all you lurkers, the ongoing pleasure you get from this site really is not free. I mean, I don’t mind voyeurs in general, but come on, pony up with the moola, kids.

    If you will send Virus some significant cash in the next five days, I will tell the story of the weekend I spent in New Orleans with two Playboy models. It involves alcohol, Mardi Gras and a jewel heist.

    Then, if you are really good, Nora Darling and I will do a porn-off.

    Beat that, Jerry Lewis!

    Step up, people, give till it hurts!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    How can you have any pudding, if you don’t eat your meat?!?!?!?!?!?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/seadebris/ seadebris

    As soon as I can get my titties to pose tastefully, I’ll send that in to you.

    In the meantime – click! – exotic meat package
    click – organic summer sausage – click – livestock traceability software!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    C’mon, people. We’re not in junior high school. They are called breasts or the more informal, boobs. If people would just use these words in lieu of the dreaded “t*ts,” I would write an entire post on my own, which are marvelous.

    Really, I’m feeling a little bit outside the joke on this one as my extended family gives meat fairly frequently on certain holidays. I just got my first gas grill this summer for my b-day and given the high price of good steaks, have cooked mostly hamburgers and hot dogs so far. Meat is good, people. Give me more meat! And give Virus some meat, too. $20 is nothing for the Lucky club. I need WS and Virus like I need Zinc. I’m starting to sound like a fruitcake here. Must be the Atonement hangover. Why don’t I stop talking?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: You’ve got to build up for next year’s Atonement. The tank is empty.

    BTW, the pictures rolling about in my head based on the phrase “my extended family gives meat fairly frequently on certain holidays” would probably make Dr. Ruth blush.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/korainhell/ korainhell

    No one needs to apologize for not having spare cash. Please.

    I’ll confess that the reason I wrote this post was that I just realized that I had “AdBlock” turned on for this page and so that meant it wasn’t getting any money for my page views.

    MP: I was using the juvenile term “titties” in order to be funny. I know. some jokes work better than others. My family has been known to give meat such as smoked salmon at the holidays. And don’t get us started on Wisconsin brats (arguments break out over which is better: Usinger’s or Lodi Locker).

    But if you are immature like me then the saying “give the gift of meat” is funny. You should know by now that the humor here is not always the most sophisticated.

    I wanted to be funny because fundraising requests are boring and worse: guilt-inducing. No one likes to be made to feel guilty. And there is no reason to make anyone here feel guilty. Page views and comments and contributions of writing (which is hard labor!) is all people need to be doing to make this site work. And the generosity of spirit around this place is amazing.

    Since it is possible that there may be one or two of us who are not broke (I know. It is rather unlikely — but I can dream) I put in the little fundraising reminder as well. I hope it doesn’t bother anyone.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/korainhell/ korainhell

    “are all” not “is all”
    I can haz subject-verb agreement.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    MP, speaking as one who tries to use all the words, why so squeamish about “tits”? I mean, yes, there are some terms for that part of the ladies that truly do irk. Knockers, no. Funbags, no. Bazongas, meh/verging on no. Smashing pumpkins, OK, but not all the time.

    But “tits”? Tits is the shiz: one syllable, quick, to the point, no nonsense. Do you also hate “cunt”?

    Nice tits. Splendid tits. Miraculous tits. Add any adjective (I know you like to do this) plus “tits” and it’s good.

    I’m having a steak for lunch. I mean, “Me and my tits are having a steak for lunch.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @BOOKISHLOOKISH: You forgot “huge… tracts of land!”

  • http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

    @BL: Who could hate cunt?

    I’m also having steak.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anna/ Anna

    I don’t want to make anyone mad, but I find the humor on this site to be extremely sophisticated.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    Okay, I think my attempt to be funny went under people’s heads. First things first.

    @Kora: I loved this post! I thought it was brilliant and wonderful for a Wordsmoker to step up and post something about donations, which we all know are necessary to keep this site running. I have benefited from this site more than I can adquately explain. In short, it has — you all have — saved my sanity most days. I ♥ Wordsmoker.

    @Kora & Bookish: I have no idea why I so dislike the word t*ts. And yes, I don’t like c*nt, either. I don’t call other women b*tch. My sister and I discussed this several months ago because she feels the same way. I think our mom just taught us (very successfully) that these were words we should not use. That said, you know I love “fuck,” so who knows? Mostly I was trying to be amusing. Failure! Sorry.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @ANNA: Good grief! I was going for pointless and vulgar! Damn!

  • http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

    @MamaP: What a coincidence, the words “tots” and “cant” have always bothered me as well. Small world.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Nice appendectomy scar on that model in the meat photo. Yikes.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Mama P: What’s your take on shit, piss, fuck, cocksucker and motherfucker (the other five unmentionable words as per George Carlin, after cunt and tits)?

    I for one agree with Carlin that tits doesn;t even belong on the list. It’s like a nickname or a snack. Like “tater tits.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @BJ: I love all of those words, mostly fuck and motherfucker. I rarely use shit, piss or cocksucker unless it’s in a certain context, to-wit: “I don’t give a shit” and “I’m all pissed off” and “What a cocksucker!” My mother never used expletives as she thought they made the user appear/sound low-class. For reasons unknown, this only stuck with aforementioned tits, cunt and bitch. When someone says, “Jane is a bitch,” I feel very uncomfortable. If Mr. Penguino uses the word tits, he doesn’t see them. I know! I’m fucked up!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: If “t*ts” makes you uncomfortable, how are you about “tatas?”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/curly-q-tips-2/ Curly Q Tips

    I shall become Curly Q Tits in my next life.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Newt: I don’t see the need for “tatas” or “boobies” or “bazangas,” but if you were to use them in normal speech, I’d probably burst out laughing. Honestly, when someone uses the word “tits” AT me, or TO me, like “Baby, you have great tits,” even, I put my arms over my chest and make my get-away. I’m happy to say I’ve never provided access to anyone who has used the dreaded word. That said, I’m going to back off on this because I am a pitiful minority here!

    @Curly: Now THAT was funny!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: While I do appreciate the female breast, I am more of a leg man, myself. Even inebriated, I didn’t have the propensity to use euphemisms for breasts.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    @Newt, Mama P: Tatas! Hah! I love tatas.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    @Mama P: How about “Breasticles?” Or “guns?” As in, “Nice breasticles!” Or: “Wow, check out the guns on her!”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @BJ: Mr. Penguino once used breasticles and I felt like I was getting felt up by my old junior high school boyfriend, Kyle. Let me ask you a question: how do you feel about the euphemism, “potty stick?”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    Gawd, I am SO glad I told my mom about this site!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: “Potty stick,” bad. “Rod of Love,” good.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @BIGLEGGEDWOMAN: Really, it is a font of such intellectually-stimulating conversation on topics of the day.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    Right – and Newtie’s here, too!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    MP and NEF- whatever I still say “touching no no parts/bits” when talking about sex. My friends worry about me sometimes.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    I would donate but I am saving up for that restraining order. Dont’ ask.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    BL- In my opinion, the nickname of body parts that are essential to reproduction is very interesting. I would like to find the first example of this. When in our development did we start this. I would think it started about the same time that religion or something starting telling us that sex as a dirty and sinful act. and so to get around the awkward taboo we started making up nicknames. *

    Better for you and your mom?

    *This could have been a much better argument but I got distracted.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @SS: I cannot say I’m interested in this topic, exactly, but do wonder why we struggle to just call things what they are. Why don’t we have nicknames for our other body parts? Like, “Ooooh, I have the worst pain in my crooker” or “My nitty-benhow really hurts this month” or “I’m going to have surgery on my kerschnooker.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @MAMA PENGUINO: Because sex, and the bits of the human body used for it, are DIRTY, DIRTY, DIRTY!!!

    Or so I’ve been told…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    MP- you don’t think that is because the breast and not the elbow have taught to be taboo. we tell kids don’t let someone touch your naughty parts(or at least they did when I was little). If a swimsuit covers it then no one but you and your doctor should see it.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @BIGLEGGEDWOMAN: Your comment says “don’t ask,” but now I’m curious…

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/korainhell/ korainhell

    I am a big fan of those harsh consonant words like cock and cunt and fuck. They are words that come from Old English. They are words that are so old that their etymology can’t be determined. They have always been with us.

    That said, I’m a fan of saying “tootie” for vagina. Because I think it is funny to use a word that sounds so immature. Like : that dress is so short you can see her tootie.

    Lady bits is a good catch-all term as well.

    For penis I think it is funny when a guy refers to his johnson with is own name preceeded by “little.” Like “little jonston” or “little lawyer” or “little newt.” Not in bed, mind you. But when having a silly conversation. In bed a man should only refer to his organ as “my lord and savior.”

    SS : It isn’t necessarily about repression and taboo. Using metaphorical terms for body parts — especially sexual parts — is just a part of the way that human beings play with language. There is plenty of ribald word-play about these matters in Greek and Roman literature. Including an entire genre of poetry that is basically devoted to the penis (look up some priapic poetry).

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    @KORAINHELL: While I see your point on “tootie,” I am still puzzled over words like “va-jay-jay.” Who thought that was a good euphemism? If you’re going to say that, just say “vagina” and be done with it.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

    I myself never swear – Mary Pickford I am.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/ninahagen/ Nina Hagen

    I went out with a guy who called his balls “Steve & Edie.” I know – no words right?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    This whole nickname is insidious — I took Little Penguino for her 5 yr check-up and the doctor asked to see her bottom. She turned over on her stomach. He wanted to look at her genitals. I had to say, “He wants to see your vulva, sweetie.” And I love this doctor. Who knows?

    @Kora: I cringed through Middle and Old English when we had to read this stuff. I could never figure out why people thought it was funny. Old humorless Prune-face, that’s me!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    I don’t mind “tits” but really I prefer “dirty pillows.”

    @Kora: Tootie makes me think of “Facts of Life” Tootie, as in awkward teen girl on rollerskates. Brings a whole new mean though to the infamous Tootie’s Bong episode.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/renesance/ Rene Sance

    @KoraInHell: In bed a man should only refer to his organ as “my lord and savior.”

    Not my week to do the Smokies, but I’ll passing that one along.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/forwardmotion/ forwardmotion

    VP: Now I REALLY want to start a band called Tootie’s Bong.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/korainhell/ korainhell

    MP : I like that we all have those little quirky things that have been ingrained in us culturally — especially by our mothers — and that we can’t entirely shake off.

    I can’t stand it when people say “Jesus Christ” in anger. (But if you say “Jesus fucking Christ” that is better because it makes it more of a joke. Go figure.)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/anna/ Anna

    I would just like to add that the type of humor on this site is right up my alley. *snickers*

    That said, I am not a fan of the word “cunt,” and only use it when describing someone I don’t want to waste my time on hating. While I don’t really use the word “tit’s,” I don’t really have a problem with it, unless the word is being directed at my own. I prefer “bewbs,” when describing my own.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/captainfantastic/ CaptainFantastic

    The correct term for vulva, tootie, vagina, etc.* is cooch (rhymes with pooch). The end.

    As a girl in high school said while playing sand volleyball, “Aw Crap! I got sand in my cooch.” And with that, everyone else was rolling in the sand laughing. She said, “What? I do.” More rolling in the sand.

    *I realize the previous terms are not exact synonyms.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    Captain, oh my Captain. I think you just put the punctuation on the topic!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    @Forward: Here’s your inspiration. There’s gonna be troubllllle.