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Always Remember To Say Please And Thank You

September 14, 2009 in Funny!

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A British couple walks into a Mexican restaurant for a nice family dinner with their 2-year-old daughter because hey – who wouldn’t want to feed lots of spicy food and beans to a toddler who’s either in diapers or being toilet trained?

Anywoo, they are waiting a while at Cactus Joe’s and little Molly is becoming a bit cranky. We know this because she announces “I am rather cross, I am!” and tosses aside her wee monocle in a very displeased manner, as do all proper English babies when they are tired or have pooped themselves. Actually, she probably just cried and cried like disagreeable American babies, but in any case, more and more unhappy Miss Molly became.

The wait staff, apparently, felt a bit of displeasure with Molly’s fit of pique, and they decided to leave a hint on the bill. Among the miscellaneous items on the bill was one thing the Cartin family didn’t order.

“Thankyyou littell fucker”

But at least it was £0, so …win-win?

I can’t decide whether the misspelling was meant to disguise the message (it didn’t), or if the person writing it couldn’t spell (that badly?) or if it was just the result of the waiter being so angry while punching the message into the system that a bunch of extra letters and transpositions made it in there (my guess). All I know is that I laughed, felt bad for the bored little toddler, but laughed anyway.

The Daily Mail has all the details. See, American newspapers, if you just do more “babies are little fuckers” stories like your UK counterparts, you’ll do just fine.


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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/rosaluxembourgeoise/ Rosa Luxembourgeoise

    “Not Decided or Pudding” has something to do with Gordon Brown in the polls.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/strawberry-shortcake/ Strawberry Shortcake

    during my time as a cocktail waitress I often wanted to add “handful of my ass…..$76″. I thought $76 was enough to get the point across with being over the top, I mean I don’t have Beyonce’s ass or anything.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

    @SS: Oh yeah, I used to do the asshole tax as a bartendress all the time. We could add MISC to a tab, it was usually for stuff like milk or a food item, but I’d add it in to the abusive Europeans who would quiz me for half an hour on where to go in New York, take up all my time and energy, then tip shittily. After a while you could spot/smell them from a kilo/mile away and preempt it. That awful French-Italian patois, the lousy gold jewelry, the wretched women with their lip liner, breast implants and be-logo’d apparel, the cologne-y STENCH wafting, the fake bon vivant attitude, darting eyes, the omnipresent “Where are your people from, you look European, Swedish are you–no, Danish?” query. “Yes, your beloved, sophisticated continent killed almost my entire family during World War Two, that’s why I am now serving you at this bar in New York!” Ah, ha ha, good joke! Laughs all around!

    Whoo, I feel much better now, thanks. Emo!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bjonston/ BJonston

    Good manners are underrated. Kids? Overrated. Voila.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @BJ: Yet it’s magical when the two meet and you end up with a kid with good manners. Believe it or not, I think I have one of those. Whew.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

    Well, I write in a very silly way when I’m sleep deprived, I realize now after a glorious nap. I loved this article in the Mail and just had to share it with you guys. Thank god Virus is here to make the thing look nice.

    I like children in theory and adore my friends’ little ones, but yeah, kids having a meltdown in places where kids don’t want to be in the first place (like a faux Mexican restaurant) are a pet peeve of mine. Oh, you took your kid to Starbucks and he smashed all his cookies on the table because he’s bored? You don’t say. I would have thought he would have enjoyed a latte and some smooth jazz.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/captainfantastic/ CaptainFantastic

    Kids eat as neatly as hyenas and are twice as whiny, which is why when we take them out to eat (rare, always relatively kid friendly, and never enjoyable for me) I leave a huge tip and back out of the restaurant saying, “I’m so very sorry.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/formerenglishmajor/ FormerEnglishMajor

    You know, in fairness to the kid – the manager himself said it was opening weekend, and they’d been kept waiting 20-30 minutes for their food. Plus, it was early – we’re not talking they were out with the singles crowd at 9pm.

    We’ve all served food at some point in our lives – would you rather hear someone say “Hey, we’ve been waiting half an hour – what’s going on/you owe us a round/we’re not paying/what is the PROBLEM”?

    I was once a single. In fact, I got married and had kids well into my 30s. But my resentment is for parents taking their obviously-tired kids out to a hip Tribeca place at 9pm, not for an early dinner at a Mexican restaurant in the suburbs.

    Sorry we can’t always keep ‘em cellared like a bottle of wine. And I know my kid is no saint, and if he is fussing he is removed to outside until he calms down. But if you can go out with a cold, or with your loud former roommate, or your college buddy who likes to grope my ass – then let’s face it: you’re bummed that there is someone who is “more in charge” and can theoretically remove what pisses you off, than the fact that there exist things that do, in fact, piss you off.

    Today alone in that Daily Mail, are:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1213645/Guinness-society-girl-accused-drunken-airline-romp-dangerous-says-captain.html

    and

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1213386/Public-schoolgirl-admits-killing-best-friend-drink-driving-smash.html

    so I’d say Brit bad behavior is not exclusive to the nappy set.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

    @Captain: Amen. When we take Little Penguino, we only go to kid-friendly restaurants and I leave a 25% tip AND I clean up the table, Little P’s seat, AND I pick up crap off the floor from where she’s spilled. We now have waitresses to have an honest smile for us when we walk in the restaurant. A few of them have even brought little books and stickers just for Little P. One of my best eating-with-kids tips is, if possible, have one of the adults exit the restaurant with the child as soon as the meal is over and the other adult stays to perform clean-up and pay the bill. That eliminates the post-meal whining, etc.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/nefariousnewt/ NefariousNewt

    Having three kids, none of whom has the best manners, I’m smart enough to limit our restaurant outings to Applebees, Longhorn, Perkins, etc., rather than take them to nicer restaurants. I also tip extra for the inconvenience my children cause. BEating the children, however, has not helped.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/captainfantastic/ CaptainFantastic

    @FEM: In your first link, why is the word ‘bloody’ censored in the headline, ‘No one touched my b****y breasts’?

    @MamaP: I also pick up most of the detritus off the floor, to prevent other diners from stepping in and spreading the mess. The table I don’t worry too much about, since they are going to have to wipe it off anyway.

  • http://wordsmoker.com kneetoe

    @Former: what’s up with the former college buddy–”bummed” indeed. Otherwise, sensible advice, especially about time/location.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/formerenglishmajor/ FormerEnglishMajor

    Captain: that is really strange – is it considered a naughty word overseas?

    Kneetoe: Oh, I’ve been out with girlfriends who get sloppy-drunk, or – if they get bumped at a crowded bar – loudly say “watch where you’re going, asshole!” and then are surprised when there’s an argument and I try to slink off.

    And look at the timestamp on the receipt – 6:14!! They were out for a super-early dinner. And for the now-fired waitress, I can offer the old Bill Cosby observation on the only supernatural incantation: the Parents’ Curse – what his (or any) mother says to their child “Just Wait Until You Have Kids Of Your Own”. And it always comes true.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/samuraipandapoetry/ samuraipandapoetry

    Not to step on any maternal or paternal toes, but I’ve never quite understood that mind frame, that societal or self imposed sense of superiority that lets these people think that because it’s apparent they’re a parent it’s okay to bring a toddler to the Saturday night showing of Inglorious Basterds. I understand, you want to see the movie, BUT YOU HAVE A FUCKING CHILD. Either find a sitter or don’t come to the movie/restaurant/wine tasting/metal concert/my house/nudist beach/strip club/whatever aisle i’m in at the grocery store/an Eastwood family reunion/etc. etc. etc.

    I don’t have children, so perhaps I don’t understand. But there’s no way in hell I’d ever think it’s okay to bring an infant to a theater that’s playing anything but the latest Disney Pixar film.

    Is this Cactus Joe’s just a UK thing?