The Cop’s Daughter, Vol 4: The Birthday Note

September 3, 2009 in Cops and Daughters

The Cop's Daughter Monday was my birthday, and it made me think about my 18th birthday.

That day, my father had to work and he left me a note to tell me Happy Birthday and that we’d go to dinner that night.

But…..well…..

So I was turning 18, and my father always did nice things on landmark birthdays. One year, I got this beautiful diamond and gold necklace; it was a circle with diamonds in it and a chain going from the sides of the circle. I didn’t know the political implications, then.

But on my 18th birthday, I came home (from I think school) and walked in to see my father’s note.

“Happy birthday, Theda! I love you and I will take you to dinner. This is your 18th and is special.” Or something like that. I beamed….and then I noticed lines and writing showing through from the other side of the page. I was perplexed, and I turned it over.

It was a copy of one of my father’s police reports. Was this the only extra paper he had? My father was never able to draw that line, and he just didn’t really think about that line very much. It was his reality and, to some degree, he assumed it was reality. Of course, I began to read the police report. As I was reading, I let out a big, exasperated sigh.

It was not just any police report, but one describing in great deal how he had arrested a prostitute. It contained descriptions of what he said to her, what she said to him, and various other details I never wanted to know….let alone on my birthday. Later, when he got home, I didn’t want to say anything. He would have felt horribly about it and it would just create anxiety between us.

I never told him.

Tags: birthdays, shocks

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http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

Happy belated brithday, Theda! Aww…that was a kindness you did for your father.

Parents can be insenstive, but especailly dads can be that way toward their daughters, even though they love them so much.

My Dad’s sobriety anniversary was on my birthday – and the day he stopped drinking, my 13th birthday, was not pleasant at all, I’ll just say that.
After that year, he would wish me a happy birthday and then also remind me that it was his anniversary. It so pissed me off in part because the memory of that day was so unpleasant for me and also because he found a way to make my birthday about him, which really set me off as a teenager.
Now that I’m a recovering alcoholic (oh, who saw that coming? Not me!) I can understand why he was so excited, but I wasn’t seeing it that way then. So I applaud your maturity as an 18-year-old.

btw, that’s the politics of the necklace? I’m not getting that reference.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

Oops, I meant what’s the politics of the necklace.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/theda-bara/ Theda Bara

Oh, the necklace reference is about the diamond trade (i.e. Africa, etc.). I don’t wear diamonds now, even though the industry claims to no longer mine under the previous conditions.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/voxpopuli/ VoxPopuli

Ahh…I see, blood diamonds. I thought maybe the design of the necklace had some symbolism that I didn’t recognize.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/formerenglishmajor/ FormerEnglishMajor

Is it that it was a police report in particular? Or that it was a note written on a work paper? My father worked at a place which had lots and lots of forms, and we always got notes written on one form or another. In fact, I don’t think I ever got a note NOT on a form. Granted, it did not have prostitute arrests on it – but I’m curious as to whether it was that, or that it was work-related in general.

I’d also like to add my dad NEVER wrote a card – my mom would get a card and sign “Love Mom & Dad” so I do envy you there.
http://wordsmoker.com/ BookishLookish

@TB: My daddy often left me notes written on The Daily Racing Form. I used to love trying to read his handwriting inside. He is left-handed so it was a scrawl, a math-head genius, so he did not have to do the odds/payout figuring on paper, but there would be stuff like “nice filly, ran great” inside.

You have to protect your loved ones whenever you can, as they protect you, and even when they kinda fail at it. Good vignette, Theda.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/theda-bara/ Theda Bara

FEM: It was the information on the form more than anything else. I really wouldn’t have blinked an eye if he had just written on the back of a blank police report. Also, I think that we had shared his stories for so many years, he just didn’t think to look.

But there are other stories about my father and my mother and how he freaked her out without thinking about things. There’s one that’s a real doozy, actually.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

@Theda: It’s all computerized now, so your worries are over.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lipsticklibrarian/ LipstickLibrarian

Theda, I’m loving this series more and more.

@Bookish: “Nice filly, ran great.” This tickles me.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

Theda, I love this series, too. It may not make any difference to you, but from where I’m sitting, your dad sounds so wonderful. I can’t even imagine what this father-daughter bond you had must have been like. They say that girls who have this bond have a much greater sense of self-worth. Everything else aside, do you think that your father gave you something like this and if so, how did it help you with relationships with the opposite sex.

This series also reminds me of the summer I worked at my dad’s law office. He was defending the owner of a series of massage parlors and adult movie theatres against obscenity charges and I typed his legal pleadings and what an education for a 15 yr old girl!
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/baroness/ Baroness

I love Theda’s series as well. Never dull, often heartfelt, and nary an extraneous word. Polished prose, right to the essence of the tale. Hope your birthday was a pleasant one, Theda.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/theda-bara/ Theda Bara

Chill: I don’t know. The moment is this strange peek into the other life he led. Oddly, I’m not sure I would give that experience up.

Mama: Unfortunately, no. There were SO many other things that happened in my life (and his) that kind of broke us both along the way. I cannot say that I am a confident woman on any level and am prone to tolerate abuse. But that has nothing to do with him.

Nothing like losing your immediate family members to strengthen a bond. And I can also say: I have never been naive.
http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/mama-penguino-2-2-2/ Mama Penguino

@Theda: Perhaps we can discuss at Thanksgiving. [smiley face]

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