Wordsmoker

Movies influence us in many ways. There are very few men out there who haven’t approached a potential sex-partner completely nude while holding their erect penis and  shouting “Say hello to my leetle friend!” in an accent probably closer to Pakistani than Cuban (much like Al Pacino himself). Recently, I wedged the end of my whip under the rear axle of a bus and I let it drag me into town so I could see some Nazis melt as they meddled with powers beyond their understanding. I also shot a big shark from a smaller boat on Sunday. Etc.

Some wronged women took movie influences a little too far last Wednesday, when in a scene reminiscent of the one in Reservoir Dogs when Chris Penn tells everyone in the car about Elois getting revenge on her naughty boyfriend. From The Guardian:

A wannabe Don Juan was tempted to a motel in Wisconsin by the prospect of a tryst with one of his numerous lovers. But instead of a night of passion, according to court documents, he found himself confronted by four angry women – among them his wife and another girlfriend – and on the receiving end of a revenge attack grisly enough to make any philanderer think again.

Yeah, people are apparently having sex in Wisconsin.

Prosecutors are investigating the convoluted incident that ended with the man tied to a bed with his penis superglued to his stomach, an apparent punishment for his womanising ways. The ambush was said to have been set up by the man’s wife after she found out he had cheated on her with a number of other women.

And, from the Reservoir Dogs screenplay:

EDDIE: So one night I walk into the club, and no Elois. Now the bartender was a wetback, he was a friend of mine, his name was Carlos. So I asked him “Hey, Carlos, where’s Lady E tonight?” Well apparently Lady E was married to this real piece of dog shit. I mean a real animal. And apparently he would so things to her.

FREDDY: Do things? What would he do? You mean like beat her up?

EDDIE: Nobody knows for sure what he did. We just know he did something. Anyway, Elois plays it real cool. And waits for the next time this bag of shit gets drunk. So one night the guy gets drunk and passes out on the couch. So while the guy’s inebriated, she strips him naked. Then she takes some crazy glue and glues his dick to his belly.

EDDIE: I’m dead fuckin serious. She put some on his dick and some on his belly, then stuck ‘em together. The paramedics had to come and cut it loose.

MR. WHITE: Jesus Christ!

FREDDY: You can do some crazy things with it.

EDDIE: I don’t know what he did to her, but she got even.

MR. WHITE: Was he all pissed off?

MR. PINK: How would you feel if you had to do a handstand every time you took a piss.

Two things – I miss Chris Penn. And revenge-filled ladies of Wisconsin? DERIVATIVE!