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July 31, 2009 in 20 Things About Me
1. As a child my mother thought keeping my very curly red hair cut short was “cute”. I looked liked Annie until around the age of 12 when I realized the teasing would ease up if this resemblance wasn’t there. After a brief hiatus from being teased constantly I discovered the boys had learned a few new things and started calling out “fire crotch” and “does the carpet match the drapes…..none of those assholes would ever find out!
One of the reasons I can’t tell you who I am is because of a very hush-hush fact of my life: I am Britney Spears’ chair for her dissertation committee. Her dissertation is called “Academic Circus” and is a searing pop-culturally based analysis of life in academia.
As such, she has begun with her own album, “Circus,” which she admits was always a cheeky entry into her own feelings of being an academic.
But academia doesn’t make a #1 hit–and, with all of her graduate-student appropriate school debt, she needs the fucking money.
I’m going to share with you chapter one, titled: My “Circus,” Moral Dissonance, and Psychic Trauma in the Public Sphere
July 31, 2009 in 5 Second Movie Review
As my father would say, this movie had absolutely no redeeming social value. If the chick’s gonna spend like a fiend, maybe she should buy some outfits that don’t look like two Carrie Bradshaw ensembles layered one on top of the other. Also, horrible script, terribly developed romance, and she somehow became a media darling after two successful articles. (And I’m pretty sure she never wrote any others.)
I give it two AmExes down.
(so, she doesn’t get nude in this? Ed.)
July 31, 2009 in The Smokie Awards
ChillbearLatrigue is going to do them again this weekend. He did such a good job last time, and I’ll be internetless from tonight until late, late Sunday (I’ll be in Utah), so I’ve enlisted him to cover for me.
Also, due to my upcoming school schedule, my time already being stretched much too thin, Chillbear and I will start alternating weekends on The Smokies. I think it will be good to get this varying perspective on the awards, but really I’m just stoked someone was willing to step up when I knew I was going to have to step back a bit. Thank you Chill, you’re doing me a great service.
Have a good weekend, fuckers!
July 31, 2009 in Personal
Fourteen years ago, we all lived together in a little cream- colored house, with a monkey swing hanging from the maple tree in the backyard. Fourteen years ago, I was 35-years-old and my husband was 39. We had a 5-year-old daughter, and two sons, ages 9 and 11. Fourteen years ago, we had worries; I just don’t remember what they were, or why they mattered.
One summer day, fourteen years ago, my husband came home from work early, sat down in our cheery little breakfast nook, and calmly stated, “The doctor says it’s Parkinson’s Disease.” Fourteen years ago, I knew one person with PD – an aged man with a tremor. Fourteen years ago, my Pollyanna-self told my husband no matter what the future brings, we will handle it together.
Fourteen years ago, I didn’t know much.
July 30, 2009 in I SHIT YOU NOT
As roughly 71% of you already know, I’m a cat person. No, I don’t change into a cat like Nastassja Kinski in the awful re-make of the Tourneur classic – well, not usually. I have no real underlying need to become a kitty. I’ve already got three of them, and although I enjoy mimicking their sleep patterns and love them dearly, that’s where the fascination ends. No. I’d rather be a dog. Your dog. Especially if you bought me a Snuggie.
Yes. A Snuggie. For dogs. There’s not really much else to say about it.
July 30, 2009 in Personal
I imagined our tryst as being filled with fucking, cigarettes and quick kisses on the cheek as he left to go home to his faithful “real” girlfriend. And its true there was a lot of sex. Mostly at my place, but we occasionally met at his apartment too. There was something so hot about the fact that at any moment his girlfriend could come home early and catch us fucking on those beige 400 count sheets that she made their bed with.
In the beginning I was so high on the adrenaline that I could have flown.