20 Billion Zerks Is A Lot Of Zerks

June 15, 2009 in Technology

zerkI was reading a tractor manual today and I came across a word I’d never seen before: “zerk.” Apparently, my new garden tractor has several of them.

A zerk, I have seen learned, is a special kind of grease fitting named after its inventor, Oscar Ulysses Zerk.

A little googling has turned up some fascinating information about Oscar Zerk – such as the following, from findagrave.com (Zerk is dead, by the way):

“His engineering creativeness asserted itself in a multitude of fields: leg-slimming hosiery, quick-freezing ice cube trays, spatterproof nail brushes, fail-safe brakes for trolley/interurban cars, vibration-free camera tripods, oil well recovery systems, and automotive refrigeration equipment. But Zerk’s most important invention – and the one that earned him the most money – was the tiny grease fitting, a lubrication system which became the basis for those used on nearly every car, truck, plane and other mechanized vehicle. At the time of his death in 1968, it was estimated that 20 billion of those fittings had been manufactured.”

Findagrave.com will also tell you where to find Zerk’s grave, if you’re interested.


  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/lilyblue/ Lily Blue

    I’m thinking you should have tagged your post ‘Going ber-zerk’.

    (And yes, I know that’s not exactly how you spell it.)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/viruswithshoes/ VirusWithShoes

    @Lily Blue: Done! (with credit – xo)

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    Oh, man, I hope there’s also stuff about how he had an irrational hatred for Eskimos. All these guys hafta despise someone to a loony degree for, you know, added value and entrepreneurial color, as it were.

    Like, he also developed a gigantic machine to destroy igloos and toxify seal blubber, to fix their dirty Eskimo wagons before they manhandled his wife and daughter, and YOUR wife and daughter, and YOUR wife and daughter…

    And turns out he’s single-handedly behind the melting of the ice caps and the death of the oceans.

    Because that was be awesome, to just blame this one crazy smartypants.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    Now I am picturing you as Yosemite Virus with grease guns in your holsters and those tiny harness boots. And a red beard, of course!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    @Senor: No, how could you say that?

    Just look at his picture! Look at his face! He’s like somebody’s saintly grandfather, or kind old elf. He would never harm an eskimo!

    Does that look like the face of an eskimo-harmer to you?

  • Un Chien Andalou

    Hippity, in layman’s terms it is referred to as a ‘grease nipple’, which some would argue is the most important nipple ever invented, just sayin’.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    He also invented Cubic Zerk-onia.

    Actually, he didn’t. I just made that up.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/monkeyrash/ monkeyrash

    @MisterHippity: It would be especially hard when he’s wearing his leg-slimming hosiery (those babies bind) and trying not to muss his manicure.

  • Un Chien Andalou

    BTW, you clean a clogged Zerk nipple with a Zerk Zapper…”simply fill this tool with a light solvent, attach the tool to the clogged zerk, and tap the piston head with a hammer. The hydraulic action along with the increasing pressure from the tool will clean the zerk and the dried grease behind the zerk. Now it will be possible to grease your machinery. You can also use the Zerk Zapper every time you grease problem zerks to prevent them from ever clogging again. The Zerk Zapper is also useful when storing your seasonal equipment. Clean all your grease fittings with the Zerk Zapper and apply new grease before storing, and your equipment will be ready at the start of the next season”.

    http://www.zerkzapper.com/401.htm

    Just tryin’ to be servicy.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    Doesn’t “20 Billion Zerks” sound like part of a Dr. Suess title?

    “The 20 Billion Zerks of Bartholomew Cubbins”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    @Chien: Maybe I should get a zerk zapper for my new garden tractor.

    I love my new garden tractor. I just want to drive it around all day. I’m such a suburbanite, it’s downright sickening.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    I dunno, Hippity…this guy had “kind eyes” in photographs, too:

    Saloth Sar “Pol Pot”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/bigleggedwoman/ BigLeggedWoman

    Bigleggedwoman was obv. confused about who posted this! I meant to call you Yosemite Hippity. Which has a nice ring.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    HEY! Let’s use “Find-a-Grave” to find his grave and dig up his bones and throw them around! Hippity IS servicey!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/wrapitup/ Wrapitup

    I am fascinated by the first words of this article : “I was reading a tractor manual today…”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    I don’t mean to be “that cop,” Wences, but I think I have a lot more to lose if I participate in your grave digging venture. So, if I am going to do take this risk, I am going to insist that we all wear creepy harlequin Mardi Gra wear.

    Before all of you start offering alternate suggestions, I am pretty committed to this condition.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    That made me laugh harder than anything all day, Chillbear. Done and done!

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/chillbearlatrigue/ Chillbear Latrigue

    Even with the typo? I hate my own ineptness. You guys should probably frag me at the cemetery. I’m a liability. I will take the compliment and I forgive you in advance for what you all have to do.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/forwardmotion/ forwardmotion

    R.I.P., Oscar. With all of your accomplishments, one thing is for sure: you were no zerkoff.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    My mood’s been poor. Therefore:

    funny pictures
    moar funny pictures

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    Senor: Ok, now you’re scaring me. Are those actually human bones?

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    @Wrapitup: Gotta grab ‘em with the opener, i always say.

    “I was reading a tractor manual today” is my answer to Melville’s “Call me Ishmael.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    [I doubt it, Hippity...that looks Halloween stagey to me.]

    But do you have my harlequin tights? I think I left ‘em in yer car.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/misterhippity/ MisterHippity

    @Senor: Didst thou? Such was the high state of our drunken knavery, I remember not.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    Dude, you totally have Oscar’s skull, too. You make a bong out of it we ain’t gonna eBay as much off the fucker. Dude.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    Mister Hippity, you’re dark, with this post, all your talk of finding graves and things. I had no idea.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    Zerk is dead, by the way…by the way, by the way…

    Hippity, you are King of the Goths.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/wrapitup/ Wrapitup

    Hippity: It’s a great line. It works.