Wordsmoker

1. I never had a pet growing up. Three years ago, I adopted my dog because she was going to be put down. At the time they told me she was 2. I recently found out from the vet she was 9. I hysterically cried for days at the thought of only having a couple of years left with her. I never knew I was capable of loving something until I had her.

2. Every time I read a post on here or a comment on Gawker, I realize that I am simply not that funny or intelligent. I often wish I was a little quicker, but I still comment/post just to be around it. Maybe wit will rub off through osmosis.

3. Senior year in high school through the beginning of college, I had a terrible eating disorder. It’s beginning coincided with the start of my college rejections. I wanted to control something. Now I am 20 pounds heavier and realize no one gives a shit where you went to school.

4. When I was in pre-k, my favorite toy was a Mr. T action figure. I brought it to show and tell and my teacher contacted my mother, claiming it would cause me to have identity issues. My mother told her to fuck off.

5. I have tried to quit smoking about 10 times. I worry that I will always be too weak to do it.

6. I believe in fate, partially because it is a romantic notion, and partially because I think the story revolving around trying to avoid your fate can be more interesting.

7. I graduated from law school last May and often worry that becoming a lawyer was the biggest mistake of my life. I did it to make my mom proud, not to make me happy.

8. I never take medication and refuse to go to the doctor. My reasoning is that it helps me to conquer my hypochondria.

9. I love to watch Law and Order just so I can point out all the legal inaccuracies. It is the only proof I have that my law school tuition was worth something.

10. I often think that the only thing I can feel comfortably is guilt. I often spend more time trying to be selfless than actually living my life. It makes me feel selfish to worry about my self.

11. I think people who can speak multiple languages are amazing and I wish I had the capacity. I have barely mastered the English language.

12. Growing up my mother was extremely strict and protective of my older brother and I. She grew up with an overbearing, guilting Italian mother. My grandfather was a huge gambler who often had people coming to the house looking for him to pay up on debts. She didn’t want us to have to fend for ourselves the way she did.

13. I grew up in New Jersey and have one of the thickest and worse accents EVER. I try to cover it a little, just because it is all so typical, but I secretly think accents give you character.

14. I like to ask people what their birthdays are immediately upon meeting them. I always say that it is because I like to celebrate them, but I am aware that everyone knows it is for astrological purposes.

15. In my opinion, the most unattractive thing that a person can be is judgemental. I often am glad that I escaped this, having grown up in an incredibly conservative, Republican family with the odds stacked against me.

16. I can’t whistle. I have tried to learn for 26 years and I just can’t do it. I am still optimistic that one day it might happen.

17. I took piano lessons for almost 10 years growing up. I am god awful at it, can barely play “Chopsticks” but am glad my parents forced it on me. It taught me humility.

18. I often think that I will never meet the right one, and that alone I will stay. I guess I should be glad I am a woman in this century rather than in prior ones. Secretly, however, I hope that the fact that I have started to become comfortable with this might lead to me being pleasantly surprised.

19. I am incredibly self-aware, but find it impossible to express anything about myself honestly when speaking to others, since saying it out loud makes it real and makes me look like I am doing nothing to fix it.

20. I hate being in pictures . I prefer to remember things the way I remember them, which isn’t always similar to the way that they happened.

(Awww – your Editor hugs Ladies And Gentlemen-Mr.Burt Bacharach. There you go! Have you yet to put forth your 20 Things? Do you have a pony? Can I ride your pony? I rode a pony when I was a child and enjoyed it. You’d be helping me out if you had a pony. Thank you. Eh, send your 20 Ponies About Pony to mail (at) wordsmoker (dot) pony. Pony.)