Wordsmoker

1. I have never had a large group of friends, perhaps I should say, large circle of acquaintances. Instead I have a tight group of a few friends for whom I would walk through fire. Or raise their children.

2. I was once in the in-group. In fact, my husband and I defined the in group. The best parties were at our house, and people knew that so long as things were right between me and the mister all was right in the universe. I miss that. I also knew far more than I needed to about my friends’ mating habits. I don’t really miss that.

3. I once hosted an anti-Valentine’s Day party for my single (and staying that way) friends. I made a huge heart-shaped cake, but I frosted it green (the opposite of red). It bled raspberry syrup when it was cut.

4. I probably don’t care what you’re doing, but am also probably paying very close attention to how you’re doing it. Likewise, I spent too much time in school on semiotics, and thus everything means something.

5. Music is very important to me, although I am in no way musical. Despite years of music theory, recorder, flute, and piano lessons, I cannot carry a tune in a bucket or even keep a beat. Nonetheless, music is how I manage my emotions, and keep them within tolerable limits. I can tell what I’m feeling by what I want to listen to. “Doll Parts” off of Hole’s Live Through. This is my favorite song. It’s also never a good sign when I listen to a lot of Morrissey.

6. I sometimes say things for effect that I don’t really mean. I know I’m in rare form when Mr. Hydroceph rolls his eyes.

7. I am terribly shy and introverted in unfamiliar social situations. People who know me do not believe this.

8. I do not have a sense of humor. People don’t believe this, either. I’m witty. I’m not funny.

9. I have a profound need for silence and solitude that is rarely met.

10. I have seen Transcendence twice. Once, while meditating, I felt the Holy Spirit. Another time, in a dream I saw for a moment the Nothingness that Buddhist philosophy speaks of. I am not sure I believe in God. I don’t believe in reincarnation, either, but if it exists, I’m pretty sure I have several more turns on the wheel coming to me.

11. I loathe bathroom humor. Jokes about bodily functions are real wood-killers (wait…does that count?), and I automatically question the breeding of people who make them. No Rabelaisian humor for me.

12. I have a very low tolerance for off-color talk at the dinner table. I’m not sure why. We rarely had family dinners while growing up, and those I remember were horror shows. I’m not sentimental about much, so the only reasons I can think of are the aesthetic. Potty-talk, true crime, and/or politics do not go with my china.

13. I. Hate. Monkeys. Hatehatehatehate them. Somewhere there’s a book called Curious George Goes to the Sausage Factory, I’m convinced of it. I want this book.

14. I knew I was different “in that way” even when I was a very young child, even if I didn’t have labels for it or knew what it meant. However even by age 7 or so, I’d adsorbed the message that being gay was wrong. Illustrative example: in piano lessons one day, I was assigned a song called, “Let’s Be Gay and Play.” Terrified that if I were to play it, my secret would be revealed, I objected. My teacher, who in retrospect I think was sort of bohemian, snapped, “Fine, call it ‘Let’s Be Happy And Spend Money’.” It took almost two decades before I realized I, or at least my family, had been insulted.

15. I don’t eat outside. For some people, food is not a meal unless it’s warm and served on a plate. I don’t care about that. I’ll eat out of Tupperware standing in the kitchen, but for me, it’s not a meal unless it’s served walled in, roofed over, and climate-controlled.

16. I don’t look up to anyone.

17. If I hadn’t been gay, I probably would’ve been extremely conservative, even reactionary. My family’s fairly liberal, but it just seems to be part of my personality. But getting over the “one-way traffic” rule that men in American culture seem to have (or at least cop to in public) made me challenge virtually every other rule, custom, and preconceived notion. Turns out, most of them are negotiable.

18. My son is an old soul. Before he was born, I didn’t know what this meant. I thought it was a cheesy pick-up in bars. But by the time his personality began to emerge, I realized I had one on my hands. But I also think the indigo children movement is a load of crap.

19. I was raised to be PC long before the term “politically correct” was coined, only my mother called it being considerate of others’ feelings, and it started with the phrase, “how would you feel if…” (But see #6, above.)

20. When I was younger, I wanted to rule the world. Now that I’m in my late 30s, I’m happy to keep my head down and stay out of the line of fire.

(Are there still Wordsmokers out there who haven’t sent in their 20 Things yet? I mean, apart from your Editor, who thinks about it often, then imagines he hasn’t got 20 Things interesting enough to write down, then gets distracted by a cat staring at a bird eating from the feeder and what the fuck was I saying there? Oh yeah – you can still send them in, your 20′s to wordsmoker (at) gmail (dot) com and they’ll be posted in an electronic fashion onto the magical wordcarpet that is the internet)