Wordsmoker

1. I thought I was half-Mexican, half-Puerto Rican, until my mom told me she was adopted. So: half-Mexican, half-Irish, which helps explain my extreme whiteness of skin tone and general aspect.

2. Despite my Hispanic heritage, I do not speak Spanish.

3. When my Robo Dwarf, PJ Hamster, kicks the itty-bitty bucket, I will have her stuffed.

4. My memory for names and faces is uncanny, which comes in handy at the circulation desk. Less charming is my tendency to blurt people’s names when I see them outside of the library.

5. I read at least one book a week, but am terrible at discussing them. I love talking about movies, though.

6. It took me five years and five schools to make it through high school; I skipped kindergarten so it all evens out.

7. I predicted the ’94 Northridge earthquake four hours before it happened, which really freaked me the fuck out.

8. I once dated a man twice my age, who was a mime and a Shibari master.

9. If I wrap a rubber band around something, it has to be centered and lay flat. I’ll also adjust it so it is stretched evenly.

10. I share my birthday with a niece, an aunt, and three cousins.

11. I’ve moved seventeen times, and so have packing down to a science.

12. I can wiggle my ears, flare my nostrils, curl my tongue and pop my shoulders out of joint, but I cannot whistle.

13. I’m not really a librarian, but “LipstickLibraryClerk” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

14. I’ve worked at the same place for ten years, which kind of blows my mind. I suppose it’s a career now. Later this year I’ll get a pin commemorating my decade of civil service. Thanks, City of ____ _____.

15. My dad kicked me out when I was fourteen, so I moved in with my mom. Three years later I found out he told my younger brother and sister that I ran away.

16. I accidentally checked out my brother, twice in one summer. I got glasses soon after that.

17. When I was in third grade, my father had his throat cut by an inmate at the jail where he was on duty. He barely survived, but sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if he hadn’t.

18. I tried to kill myself when I was nineteen, and spent the weekend in a psych hospital on a 72-hour hold. It was the worst experience of my life. I don’t remember what it was like when I went home, and have little memory of the subsequent year. Except: my mom hid all the knives and scissors for a while, and I had to use an electric razor to shave.

19. I have very vivid dreams every night, and can recall scenes, moments and feelings from dreams I’ve had since I was a teenager.

20. I lost on Jeopardy!, baby. Five years ago, to the winningest contestant before Ken Jennings came along. My consolation prize? $1,000, a web page dedicated to my cleavage, and letters from a man in prison.