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Sunday Afternoon Hangover Cinema: Road House

January 19, 2009 in Sunday Afternoon Hangover Cinema

Sunday Afternoon Hangover Cinema

Hello everyone! Welcome to another installment of the wildly popular Sunday Afternoon Hangover Cinema, where we admit our darkest movie secrets, and review them together, as part of the healing process. I had thought long and hard about which movie was up next for exposure and ridicule. I actually have a list. But lo, from the depths of bad moviedom, it called to me, like the Sirens from Homer’s Odyssey. And luckily it was on AMC last night.

Ladies and gentlemen: I submit for your guilty pleasure, the 1989 Patrick Swayze classic Road House.

Road House is not for the faint of heart, nor for those who like their movies to make sense. It tells the tale of James Dalton (Swayze, in a performance ranging from bemused to bewildered to really fucking pissed off), a “cooler” from New York who is recruited by the owner of the Double Deuce, apparently located in Jasper, MO. The Double Deuce is a bar where the men are tough and the hair is big. Within five minutes of Dalton showing up, the place

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  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/iceland-spar/ Iceland Spar

    Heh, Sunday afternoon theatre, Sunday morning at 3 AM theatre – all the same thing! Though this movie has left me with a few questions – what the heck did Red have in his auto parts store that it would explode like it was stuffed full of C-4 like 3 separate times? Are there no personal injury lawyers in Jasper?

    Also, I would just mention that Chuck Klosterman is wrong when he says no other non sci-fi movie is less plausible than Road House. That title belongs to another Swayze classic. Red Dawn.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/curly-q-tips-2/ Curly Q Tips

    I miss the days when I lived in a hayloft apartment. There is no duplicating the smell. The only bad part was that every person I met would ask if it were just like “Road House” and I was never hung over enough on a Sunday afternoon to actually watch “Road House” and find out. So I lied and said, “yes.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/iceland-spar/ Iceland Spar

    @CQT: Imagine the sweetest loft apartment of all time. Then make it a little larger and a little nicer. And put it in a hayloft.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/senorwences/ Senor Wences

    @Iceland Spar: “Wolverines!!!”

    Such a fine film, Road House is.

    “Hey, Ben Gazzara! I so totally don’t want to rip your throat out don’t make me do it oh no oh no, take that you villain!” RIIIP!

    “Hey, Kelly Lynch! You’re a hot doctor and thanks for patching me up and loving on me but this casserole you made sucks oh don’t make me do it oh no don’t oh no oh no, fucking casserole!” RIIIP!

    And, ha, glad you gave props to Klosterman. Best thing he done ever wrote.

  • vaquero

    Funny that the movie poster says “The dancing’s over. Now it gets dirty.”

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/unfun/ Unfun

    You forgot the best part of the movie: Kelly Lynch’s hairdo. It defies gravity.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/curly-q-tips-2/ Curly Q Tips

    @Icey Spurs: So, desiccated manure rained down from ceiling fixtures every time he closed a door? Yep, just the same, I thought so.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/help/members-3/imabottle/ i'm a bottle

    I wish that I had seen this so that I could talk about it, but I couldn’t even make it through the first fight scene. Seriously, watching this stuff is mental self-flagellation! Part of me wants to see what depths you can reach on Sunday; the other — better — half, wants me to intervene.

  • http://wordsmoker.com/author/imabottle/ i’m_a_bottle

    I wish that I had seen this so that I could talk about it, but I couldn’t even make it through the first fight scene. Seriously, watching this stuff is mental self-flagellation! Part of me wants to see what depths you can reach on Sunday; the other — better — half, wants me to intervene.