The song list presented by Dr. B. Johnson dealt with high quality yet depressing songs. Songs to cry and set things on fire and jump out of a window while they tootley-too away on your music player of choice. (Mine: A gramophone.) While some sad songs are excellent, others have many of the same chords and lyrics in common (Bad Country! Pseudo R&B!) There is a reason cried and died rhyme, Dear Readers, and it’s a Clear Channel conspiracy!

Along the coast of Andalucia there is a deep cave the locals avoid. Here you will find that rare vintage known as Fuego Eternal. It will singe the edges of your extremities and cause a ringing in your ears, which will sound like someone talking endlessly about a graduate thesis or home repair.

Dave Groak had barely turned on the opening lights at Spirit ‘n’ Save when he saw it: a plume of steam, rising from the top of the organic frozen foods cooler. The white cloud floated briefly above the soy candles and the eco friendly potato chips, then dissipated into the air.

Too much food is crammed into that thing again.

1. I was raised in rural Wisconsin in an old farmhouse where the plumbing broke down frequently. As a result I prefer to limit travel to places with modern toilets.

2. I ignore upper class suburban friends when they enthuse about “roughing it”. (See #1.)

3. I was raised atheist, but consider myself agnostic.