There is a new service that will care for your pet on Judgment Day.  At least 20 million Americans believe that the Rapture will occur within their lifetime.  When the Righteous are whisked to heaven, their cats and dogs will remain behind.  That’s where Bart Centre and a service named Eternal Earth-Bound Pets steps in.  For $110, Mr. Centre will ensure that a pre-screened atheist animal lover will take care of your pet.  The service is offered in 22 states, and has recently added llamas to the list of eligible pets.

My current job is at Chuck E Cheese, wearing the six foot rat costume. The inside of the costume smells horrid, since one time for maybe 3 days Management stored a dead body in it.

Not that I complain.

You know I have that hobby of sniffing gasoline. I keep a plastic baggie of gasoline wadded up in the “nose” of the rat costume, so that’s all I ever smell.  That keeps me sharp for work.  Sharp and angry.

The entire vegetable drawer of my refrigerator is filled with guns. Quality guns, if you discount the layer of Wal-Mart guns on top. Take the Wal-Mart Raven .25 caliber. That’s a gun that says “I dislike you, but didn’t want to spend more than $39.95 on shooting you.”. A gun you’d use on somebody if you couldn’t quite recall their name, or remember why you’re mad at them.