1. I spent my junior year abroad in Australia, where, despite riding my bicycle everywhere, I gained 15 pounds. Twenty years later, I still have not been able to lose it. Fucking Fosters and Vegemite soldiers.

2. There is a mention of me in the liner notes of The Pixies’ “Doolittle.” If you check them out, I bet you could figure out which song I mean. (Hint: It’s NOT “Here Comes Your Man.”)

1. I don’t recycle. I got fed up with the byzantine sorting rules, and I secretly believe that recycling centers don’t do anything productive with the newspapers, beer bottles, and yogurt containers they amass. This is not something I like to admit.

2. Speaking of things I don’t like to admit, I also believe in God.