Further demonstrating that doctors really are just winging it, the condition known as “cello scrotum” was revealed to be entirely fabricated by a Dr. Elaine Murphy.
I miss her already.
Her name was Dana Marie Perino. She stood five feet, one inch tall. Her blonde hair was chin-length. Her voice was high but quaver-free. Her bullshit was the purest snow, only, y’know, bullshit.
She’s not dead. She’s simply the former White House Press Secretary. But she will, likely as not, end up drowned by history, Ophelia in the Elsinore of delusion that was the post-2006 Bush administration.
Or to put it another way, someone threw a shoe at the President and in the ensuing chaos, Perino got punched in the face with a microphone. This is a metaphor, and not a particularly subtle one.
Public ads for booze may encourage problem drinking in black women, according to a Columbia University study. The earnest intensity with which the Columbia team unveiled the findings that advertising apparently works toes the line between adorable and just sad; the assertion from the press release that black neighborhoods are subject to considerably more billboards for the demon liquor is just sad.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our latest Wordsmoker – Mr. C.A.B. Fredericks…
Every year has its resounding winners, and this year the clap is the Slumdog Millionaire of burning sensations, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2007 STD Surveillance Report. But you can never rule out a cult classic, especially if it’s French.
The CDC, by intensely scrutinizing everyone’s funzones (Big Brother starts watching you right after Creepy Uncle stops) and pondering for a year, compiles annual reports tracking increases or decreases in particular sexually transmitted diseases (HIV is tracked separately; if you care, the number of HIV positive individuals are rising, but only because they’re no longer doing bigots and denialists the courtesy of dying). While recent press panic has focused on the bump- and cancer-causing human papillomavirus as well as the timeless icon of slut-shaming herpes simplex virus-2, the 2007 report skims past these incurables.
