Turdlet
Published: July 20, 2010
There’s a turdlet in my toilet bowl.
It startles me when I see it in the toilet bowl as I reach down to unzip my fly.
Small and round, it must have calved off a larger turd right after I took a dump this afternoon.
I can almost see it now, slowly making its way back up the sewer tubes, fighting the toilet water after I tried to flush it down, yearning for one last good bye.
And what do I do? How do I respond? I piss on it and flush it down again.
Such is life when you’re nothing but a smallish piece of shit.
Goodbye, turdlet. It was good seeing you again.
Not really.

1. Drive a van.
Winter finally came to Miami but it did not bring any cold. It looks cool and wet outside, but it’s ridiculously warm and humid, particularly for December. I stand at my window and look at the street below, glistening in the rain. The hiss of traffic tyres on concrete is clearly audible here, six stories up, on the other side of the sliding glass doors that line my balcony.
Chicken. Chicken is quite possibly the funniest word in the English language. No? Anyway, the chicken (Gallus gallus domesticus) is a domesticated fowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, and with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs.
This is a list of ten women. Ten beautiful women. Ten ladies I really like. Because, why not? We all enjoy a good list and the subject of ladies is a perennial favorite around these parts. And yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that this is probably an infantile, sophomoric, virtually meaningless exercise. That making a list of extraordinarily attractive women only furthers the cultural paradigms by which women are objectified and so on. But, I’m sure we can all agree that women are the greatest thing on Earth and if it weren’t for women, none of us would even be here. So it is in this spirit of celebration and beauty that I offer up this here list of BJonston’s top ten favorite women.*
“Three great forces rule the world: stupidity, fear and greed.” – Albert Einstein
I humbly and respectfully submit the following list of ten things I’ve never seen, done or had, for your reading pleasure. Hope you enjoy reading about my sorry ass.
