Priests do
number two.
Or, to wit:
Holy shit.

GOP INTERVIEWER: Hello. Name?
OBAMA: Barack Obama.
GOP: It says on your resume here that your name is Barack HUSSEIN Obama.
OBAMA: I guess it is.
GOP: You were born in Hawaii?
OBAMA: Yes.
GOP: You don’t look Hawaiian.
OBAMA: What’s that supposed to mean?
GOP: Well, you don’t. What are your political leanings?
OBAMA: I’m not a Republican, but I don’t believe in partisan -
GOP: That’s an “X” against you, if I’ve ever heard one.
OBAMA: Okay.
GOP: Says here you’re President?
OBAMA: Yes.
GOP: Of America?
OBAMA: Yes.
GOP: South America? Like, Brazil or something?
OBAMA: No.
GOP: Central America?
OBAMA: The United States, sir. Of America.
GOP: No fuckin’ way.
OBAMA: Why do you say that?
GOP: Because, you know, you’re not, uh, how should I say this?
OBAMA: Because I’m not Hawaiian?
GOP: Yes. Good save.
OBAMA: Mmm-hmm.
GOP: Says here under “professional achievements” that you won a Nobel fuckin’ Peace Prize? Now why the Hell would you put THAT in?
OBAMA: Um, because it’s a major achievement, especially considering what the image of our country has been like among the international community for the past eight years.
GOP: You mean YOUR country, Brazil?
OBAMA: No.
GOP: Well, I don’t know what the Hell you’re talkin’ about, then.
OBAMA [gets up]: Thank you for being a complete jackass, Glenn.
GOP: That’s Mr. Beck to you.

FIN.

(Apologies if you’ve seen this before.)

On Thursday night, Barack Obama made history by becoming the first sitting U.S. president to appear on a late night talk show.

After host Jay Leno made the Commander-in-Chief sit in the green room while he made fun of cat muzzles, Obama came out to talk about – what else – the economy, Tim Geithner, and AIG, before launching into an anecdote about how his daughters love Starburst candies.

Then, Jay Leno asked the President if he was getting rid of the famed White House bowling alley.  Nope, Obama said, bragging that he bowled a “129″.  Leno politely applauded – quasi-mockingly saying “That’s very good, Mr. President” – to which Obama, under the audience’s laughter and applause, said “it was like the Special Olympics or something.” (Click for video)

Thank you for smiling,

for breaking trend

with wait-a-whiling,

and causing misery to end.

Thank you, friend,

for doing what you must -

leave sadness, forsaken,

and loneliness, nonplussed.

I’ll see you soon,

by light of day,

by ray of moon,

I’ll come your way

and we’ll have words

to leave us smiling

and time to lend

to wait-a-whiling.

Good night, friend.  Good night.

From angels, borrow

a quietude

until tomorrow.

Have dream that brings

a smile.  A dream of things

that take a while.

Let peace pervade, and storm

be stayed, as when a cloudless sky is made.

Good night, friend.  Good night.

Be clear of sorrows

for worth of many, many morrows

and wake to find a friend who’ll say

good day, my friend.

Good day.

Rambling.  Listless. In a fight, fistless.

For the mill, gristless.  No substance.  Gistless.

Forlorn’d.  Unadorned.  Dead, and not mourned.  Birthed, not born.

Unangelic; horned.  /  Crazy’d; crazed.  Confused and dazed.

Minotaur, mazed; Laz’rus, unraised.

Evening, spent.  Moonless and bent.

Flatlined, zeroed, in a descent.

Capital given; capital spent.

Wishing you’d gone.

wishing I’d went.

With apologies to Dr. Seuss, born on this day in 1904. (Photo via the NY Daily News)

In New York, it did not snow at all.

It did not.

"Wait - did I write 'fear itself' or 'one big fucking monster'?"

When Franklin Delano Roosevelt first took the office of President in 1932, the country was just coming off the pool party that was Herbert Hoover’s presidency, during which the Great Depression took hold and popular resort areas known as Hoovervilles began springing up across the landscape.

Those little copper discs masquerading as American currency – and the reason 99-cent menus exist at all – will continue to jangle around in your pockets and make your hands smell funny for a few years more.  That’s because the U.S. mint has issued four new pennies in observance of Abraham Lincoln’s 200th birthday.

The penny isn’t dead.  Long live the penny.

Poor Michael Phelps, the gazillionaire professional swimmer who got busted smoking pot.

Ex-TV reporter Carolyn Gusoff, who used to cover news on Long Island for New York City’s WNBC-TV, was recently fired by that station, along with other long-time on-air talent.

“Just Talk” Rod Blagojevich, fired from his job as governor of Illinois, spent his last few days not at his own impeachment trial in the Prairie State, but rather chatting it up in New York City with anyone who’d have him: the Today Show, Good Morning America, The View, Larry King Live, Nightline, The Early Show and might’ve done The Robin Byrd Show but really, his dance card was full.

Ha ha, the media tour, arranged by some public relations firm did the fucker no good, as the Illinois State Senate decided, by a 59-0 vote, to instead say “Nice try, asshole” before sending his sorry ass packing.

Somewhere, here

amidst the stacked stories of stores and storerooms,

the fenestrations and crenellations

and lighted spires and taut electrical wires,

the empty, pockmarked streets

and storefronts selling sweets,

the night-blanketed buildings and hearth-warmed homes,

and churches with their hardened domes -

somewhere, here, a friend resides;

a friend to take in all asides

and interludes, and sleepy moods,

and various vicissitudes

you’d care to share.

Now settling in: a coldened air.

So sleep,

dear friend,

friend fair.

- Aaron Altman

Ty, Inc., the makers of the once-ubiquitous Beanie Babies, is trying to tell customers that their new “Sweet Sasha” and “Marvelous Malia” dolls have nothing to do with the children of a recently elected President and his fashion-saving wife.

Chris Matthews, human bullhorn and former Senate hopeful, yesterday chastised Daily News political reporter and blogger Elizabeth Benjamin for… citing blogs!!! This happened during a discussion about why Caroline Kennedy dropped her Senate bid, natch.