Conspiracy Corner – Feb 5, 2010
Published: February 05, 2010
It does my black heart proud to bring you the latest edition of Conspiracy Corner. Here we shine the light of righteousness on those dark corners of the human psyche that are best left unexplored, but from which you are powerless to look away. It’s not unlike the proverbial car wreck, except here more people die – but never for the reasons they want you to think. Today we’ll discuss secret organizations, mind control programs, and some not-so-natural natural disasters.
In The New Freedom, Woodrow Wilson wrote:
Some of the biggest men in the U.S… are afraid of somebody, are afraid of something. They know there is a power somewhere so organized, so subtle, so watchful, so interlocked, so complete, so pervasive, that they had better not speak above their breath when they speak in condemnation of it.
In my last column I discussed the considered opinions of Henry Makow, Ph.D., on gay sexuality. Turns out Dr. Makow (whose PhD. is in English Literature) has enjoyed a long and impressive career in wingnuttery. According to Wikipedia, he takes the Protocols of Zion at face value. But he also invented the board game Scruples, for which Hasbro paid him a cool million! This underscores my belief that money can indeed buy happiness, but not sanity. Henry Makow, Ph.D., is also obsessed with the Illuminati, the diabolically sinister international cabal many conspiracy theorists believe to be the driving force behind all world events, past, present, and future. Said to control every civil institution and every level of government, the Illuminati practice Satanism, ritual sex abuse, and world-wide drug trafficking, not to mention bestiality, mind control, and torture, all in the service of the nefarious New World Order. The Illuminati represents the Holy Grail of conspiracies, and Henry Makow, Ph.D. is hot on their trail.
Henry Makow, Ph.D., recently interviewed a purported former member of the Illuminati who had escaped their clutches and found Christ. “Mary Anne,” as he calls her, revealed that the Illuminati regularly sacrifice children, and that they are “behind the homosexual agenda, AIDS, and the sexual revolution.” Mary Anne’s “recovered” memories include serving as Janet Reno’s sex slave (if there is a God there are no videos), and witnessing ritual sacrifices of children and adults committed by a Who’s Who of senior government officials. She carried out assassinations and was asked to murder Princess Diana by Her Royal Highness the Queen of England herself. She declined, and was tortured for her refusal. (There’s a lot of torture in Illuminati circles.) Mary Anne also recalls being molested in the White House in 1967 by Henry Kissinger and Richard Nixon, a claim all the more startling given Nixon wasn’t in office in 1967. I look forward to reading Mary Anne’s “20 Things About Me.”
Could Tiger Woods’ participation in the MK-UTLRA mind control program have caused his recent downfall? MK-ULTRA was a CIA research program that conducted experiments on not always willing subjects using drugs such as LSD. The stated (if classified) goal was to find effective means of interrogating suspected Soviet spies. To conspiracy buffs, the real goal was to perfect mind control techniques that could produce a real-life Manchurian Candidate. MK-ULTRA was exposed with much fanfare during the 1970s, and the CIA claimed that the program was abandoned. Many conspiracy theorists think otherwise, and at least one is convinced that Woods is a “manufactured product” of MK-ULTRA, whose “programming” was breaking down. His fellow golfers are aware of his background and hate him for it. Little known fact: “Bob Hope [was] a notorious MKULTRA programmer and pedophile CIA sexslave handler.” Thanks for the memories!
Even natural disasters are ripe for conspiracy mongering, as the following trio of items will show. Russia allegedly accused the U.S. Navy of triggering the devastating earthquake in Haiti with a secret weapon that was being tested for use against Iran, while several critics implicated HAARP, a frequent bogeyman in these scenarios. HAARP (High-frequency Active Auroral Research Program) is an unclassified Navy/Air Force project that studies properties of the Earth’s ionosphere and its impact on communication and navigation systems. But its critics maintain that HAARP is associated with the Reagan-era “Star Wars” initiative, and that its real purpose is directed-energy warfare. Some conspiracy theorists even believe that HAARP can “trigger earthquakes, floods, hurricanes and even effect people[']s brains and the Earth’s own tectonic plates.” Fount of God’s compassion Pat Robertson famously suggested that Haiti’s troubles stem from a pact with the devil they signed to win their independence from the French, and one missionary group stated that their attempts to spread the Good Word there were stymied because Haiti “is a country that is yearly dedicated to Satan in a contractual form.” How did they find any lawyers to represent Haiti?
The Dec. 26, 2004, tsunami in the Indian Ocean unleashed catastrophic destruction, killing more than 220,000 people in 11 different countries. Some conspiracy theorists blamed HAARP (see above). By timing the disaster to start the day after Christmas, the U.S. government distracted a gullible populace at a time that was “perhaps the only opportunity for many to talk with their family about the unjust war in Iraq and the war crimes perpetrated by our government.” Others believe that a nuclear explosion caused the tsunami, possibly as a pretext for nearby U.S. Marines to invade oil-rich Aceh. An Egyptian newspaper (given variously as Al-Osboa’ and Al-Usbu’) suggested that the tsunami had been caused by Indian nuclear experiments to “exterminate humankind,” with the full cooperation of the U.S. and Israel. Not a few buffs reminded us that during World War II New Zealand tested “tsunami bombs,” underwater nuclear detonations intended to create mini-tidal waves. Every culture has it Pat Robertsons. Some Muslim clerics fulminated that Allah rained death on so many Muslims because the affected beach areas were rife with alcohol and homosexuality, and its residents were infidels corrupted by U.S. and Zionist influence.
In 2005 Hurricane Katrina devastated communities from Florida to Texas, with most of the destruction occurring in New Orleans. Between the hurricane itself and the subsequent flooding when the levee system failed, the toll came to more than 1,800 dead and at least $100 billion in damages. Idaho weatherman Scott Stevens basked in his 15 minutes of fame when he claimed that the Japanese Yakuza caused Hurricane Katrina using a Russian-made electromagnetic device. Why, you ask? To avenge Hiroshima, of course. Revenge is a dish best served cold. No more absurd is the belief that U.S. “Black Ops” forces used technology borrowed from extraterrestrials to bring about the devastation as part of the international conspiracy to bring about a “world socialist order.” Speaking of aliens, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan and others suggested that an explosion caused the levee breaches, citing an alleged 25-foot hole under one of the failed levees. Some believe that the levees were intentionally blown up to protect white neighborhoods at the cost of black ones. Sabotage of oil and gas pipelines, as well as the levees, provided “massive opportunities for real estate speculation.” Ever the point man for raging lunacy, Pat Robertson speculated that Katrina was God’s way of telling us that he is not pro-choice. Others averred that God brought down his wrath upon New Orleans because “100,000 homosexuals and lesbians, latter day sodomites, were beginning to descend on the ill-fated city for the celebration called Southern Decadence.” Looking on the bright side, one minister of mirth pointed out that New Orleans was now free – free of abortion, free of Mardi Gras, and free of “witchcraft workers.”
Feel free to send any insults or questions to me at renesance1 (at) gmail (dot) com where, odds are, they will be politely ignored.
I just picked up some MK ULTRA at GNC. It does nothing for the PMDD.
This dovetails nicely with my work decoding episodes of Steven Segal: Lawman.
Oh my aching head.
This line killed:
Brav-fucking-o.
fucking bob hope – dude.
The Navy/Air Force really needs to leave HAARP behind and focus on the “brown sound.” Even terrorists will stop what they’re doing if they’re pooping themselves.
The problem with conspiracy theories is that they’re not really theories because they’re ALL TRUE!!!
“Thanks for the memories!” made me guffaw. Guffaw, I tell you.
Also, having been subjected to the game Scruples a few times in my lifetime, I wouldn’t be surprised to find that it was invented by a mad zealot. The options were always too simplified, with no room for nuance.
I LOVED this.
Yay, CC!
Nicky Haslam just wrote his memoirs and he says he knows who had Diana murdered but he’s afraid to say it. Erm, you’re not playing the game correctly, crazy old Englishman.
God, Rene, these were magnificent! I’m so completely overwhelmed by this madness. Yet, at the same time, I’m a little “hmmm.” I just finished reading that article in the NYer about the Syrian guy who supposedly is the world’s biggest arms trader and I’m so frigging naive that I’m all googly-eyed reading about the spies and double-spies and cameras in attache cases and mercenaries, etc. While I know it’s not strictly the same thing, it does shatter my tiny little world where everything is just as it seems to be and I hate that. So, um, what does this have to do with your column?
@Mama: I finished that same article yesterday and thought the same thing: “man, there are some shady dudes in the world, and I’m just blindly/obediently doing my thing.”
It will be interesting where this goes because it seems like the dude has a lot of information and will start talking about all sorts of things that people won’t want him to say.
@Rene: I love these. I really do.As with CL, I guffawed with the “I look forward to Mary Anne’s 20 things about me”
@Frac: Are you saying our minds are now so in sync that we’re reading the same magazine articles from our nearly opposite ends of the country? (I know we’re not at opposite ends, per se. What’s the circle with the dot in the center and then the line that goes from the dot to the edge? I’m the dot and Frac is the edge, whatever that thing is.) Anyway, do you think he’s really going to talk? What about the spy guy who won’t turn on a guy whose food he eats? Also, people really do get iced as they’re just walking down the street, minding their own business. Why don’t we read about these icings in the daily newspaper? My little mind is just blown.
Also, I laughed at Mary Anne’s 20 Things, too. And “thanks for the memories.” So good.
@mama: so many questions. Here we go: radius (or maybe tangent, my Cartesian geometry teacher was like 700 years old-yes, I”m blaming a 700 year old for my lack of learning), yes, I know!, It’s too secretive.
And yes, we’re just as in sync as we can be.