Look, sometimes we all need a silly movie about pretty people in pretty clothes amid pretty settings. But frequently, romantic comedies suffer from what one might call the Pretty Woman syndrome: sure, it’s fun while one watches it, but afterward one is left with the cold hard reality animating the story – what Rachel Leigh Cook’s character called, in the one good line in She’s All That, “that whole hooker thing.”

I wish I were writing this as I was sitting in a spa in Costa Rica sipping some fruity concoction after my seaweed wrap – waiting for my sliced papaya – while Lupe gives me reflexology and Juan Carlos rubs my shoulders.  Oh, if it were only about my skin or my weight. Actually, I have been staying close to home (which is full of cat hair and crap Mr. Hagen & I never seem to throw out in a freezing January) detoxing from DRUGS!

Every once in a while I decide to go to Wal-Mart, usually when I’m too lazy to go all the way to Target. And I usually regret this decision, as my nearest Wal-Mart is the downtown location, frequented by many an unsavory personage (and their unruly offspring). Today I decided to smoke a little weed before venturing forth, as a buffer against any unpleasantness I might encounter.

This is the Smoke Signals – a compilation of links to other, better stuff than this. This might be a regular column if it’s hated enough. Hate’s better than love, as events continue to tell us. So think of this as a swan – a drunken, belligerent swan with a gun and a bottle of whiskey. With a real potty-beak. Yeah, welcome to Smoke Signals – today it’s a dirty, drunken swan who will scream filth into your mind.

It was about ten years ago that I walked into my little synagogue for the first time.  I was very nervous and had dressed carefully in a nice navy blue skirt, white shirt and navy cardigan.  I wore my good heels and a pair of pantyhose.  My hair was straightened and I had applied a modest pale pink lipstick.  I tried to smile brightly at everyone who glanced my way as if to say, “I’m friendly! I can be approached easily!”  Mr. Penguino and I sat down at one of the long tables set up for dinner.  Unbeknownst to me, it was Tu B’Shevat and I think because of that, I spent the years that followed that dinner working hard towards becoming a Jew.

Release Date: 01/26/2010 (US)

Label: Elektra

4 Word Review: Leader for year’s best.

Here’s a video of Charlotte performing a cut from the album called “Trick Pony” on Letterman. 

I’m excited about this Apple thing coming. The world seems to be full of death being carried around in endless trucks and we need a distraction. I want the Apple thing to be that distraction. Talking, thinking about, mulling over and maybe writing something on the Apple thing is the perfect thing to distract us from everything. I hope this Apple thing rocks. I hope it rocks Bigtime. Because I need a break. I hope it rocks like fucking Jennifer Aniston.

I wanted to use this week’s Smokies to talk about the meetup at Art Bar, but the lawyers in the room forced us to sign non-disparagement and non-disclosure agreements.  There may have been a pre-nup in there as well, but it was dark and there were a lot of big words.  Let me just say that it was terrific meeting all of you, and I can’t wait for the next one!  I did plan to bestow all of this week’s awards to those in attendance, but most hadn’t written anything this week, which would have made it more difficult to justify.  Without further ado, here are your Smokies:

If people have any goddamned pocket gizmos and whatnot that will post here, we’ll see about posting updates about the stabbings and fingerings and other -ing words likely to happen tonight.

But, just so’s you know, it will likely start like this:

Hey there. A friend of mine – let’s call him “Ricardo” to protect his identity – Ricardo has a pressing, modern dilemma. You see, my good friend Ricardo has a telephone you can carry around with you wherever you go. Indeed, many of us can relate for many of us have these magical things now. They are popular. They are popular because they feature glowing square pictures, and  glowing square pictures have fascinated us for years. These telephones also make sounds.

Handbags At Ten Paces

(US Slang 1991)

A verbal spat, usually between athletes on the field of play.

You can buy Adam’s books here and here

While not many of us can get to Utah for the Sundance Film Festival, we can see the official entries on the YouTube Screening Room’s Sundance Chanel. Since you can’t watch the Prop h8 trial, why not check out “Charlie and the Rabbit”? It’s about a little boy who watches a “Bugs Bunny” cartoon, and then sets off to find himself a wascally wabbit of his own.

Hello Everyone, I’m new here and I want to say a few things before you read my entry to the Micro-Fiction Roundup, previously and proficiently kicked-off by SAMURAIPANDAPOETRY. Think of me as a guest host, perhaps a bit of a greenhorn here but willing and able (I hope) to temporarily fit into some very big paws.

A few days ago, I was encouraged to join Wordsmoker by a Facebook friend known to you all here as BIGLEGGEDWOMAN. So, I joined, read some stuff, made a couple of comments, and sent in a 50 word story called a Mini-Saga. A Mini-Saga is a very short story – just fifty words – with a beginning, a middle, and an end. This is the story I submitted:

Infinite Jest, written by David Foster Wallace in 1996, is 1,079 pages long. The book measures about 4½ x 6 inches and weighs close to two pounds. The softcover costs $18 in the US. There is cloud imagery on the cover and the title appears to be on a slant.

Someone once told me that sex sells, so please see the picture to left and then buy this book from me.

Thank you.

Anger via CBS