Google’s ‘God’ Search List: 10 Signs Of The Apocalypse
By MisterHippity
Published: December 23, 2009
Published: December 23, 2009
I recently typed the letters G-O-D into the Google search window. This picture shows what Google suggests when you type that. (Try it yourself!)
I was trying to type: “Goddamn, Megan Fox is hot!” But I only got three letters in before Google suggested “godaddy” so I ended up watching sexy Danica Patrick videos instead.
If I’d actually been searching for stuff about, you know, God, well … it looks like Google doesn’t have much to suggest about that.
That list kind of says it all, though, doesn’t it? Welcome to the 21st Century.
Well, “god” is the generic for deity, while “God” generally refers to the Christian deity, if memory serves. Since Google’s algorithm works on lowercase words, and since “god” is very general, the suggestion system would overlook it, instead looking for more robust matches.
Either that, or Satan has a controlling interest in Google — “Do no evil, people!”
If you type it with a capital G or a lower-case one, the result is the same. When you type g-o- …, God is not one of the suggestions that comes up. Once you hit the “d,” the list above appears (with no “God” or “god” suggested).
If you type s-a-t-a … , “Satan” is the first option that appears.
I’d kind of like to get the Evangelical Christian types good and riled up about this.
Anyone know a good way to call it to their attention? I’d like to get a “Christians boycott Google” kerfuffle underway, just in time for Christmas. What fun!
Hippity, you are a rabblerouser, sir. I am sure there is a conspiracy in here; send this to Glen Beck – he has a conspiracy theory for everything! Think of the ranting, the crying he would do! Oh, the tantrums he would throw…
You’ve got to get all the way to “god of ch” before “god of christianity” appears.
Maybe God doesn’t want to be googled?
@N. Newt: God blocked me on Facebook. Bastard.
@GerbilsInHeat: Wordsmoker used to have an excellent column covering conspiracies. Really first rate. There are rumors that it will return in 2010.
I like this, Mr. Hip. I struggle all the time with spelling God with a cap G or a lower case g. I’m thinking Newt may have solved most of my problems with his brief but powerful explanation.
@Rene: Don’t tease, just give us the goods!
When you type in “Megan Fox” the third thing that comes up is “Megan Fox thumbs.” You see, Megan Fox has (what I recently learned are called) Club Thumbs. I also have Club Thumbs. According to many dumb people on the internet, this makes her gross and a freak and they would never want to have sex with her because she has OMG WEIRD THUMBS!!!
This is what Club Thumbs look like.
I know, you are all beyond disgusted. What were we talking about, god or something?
What does Ask Jeeves have to say about all of this?
@Unfun: What? Are people not thinking what sort of sexy kinky fun could be had with these awesomely wonderful thumbs? I don’t get it – it’s not like they’re deformed or anything.
@chillbear: good one!
Unfun: To hell with the thumbs. You and Danica are foxy all over.
Chillbear: Jeeves thinks Megan Fox is hot too.
Unfun: I meant you and MEGAN are foxy all over. (Not Danica. Her thumbs are boring.)
Gawker keeps spoiling me into thinking i can edit comments after I post them. Makes me get sloppy.
@Mr. Hip: I just looked up Adonai and it’s much less complicated.
Speaking of Danica, those videos of hers on Godaddy really ARE horrendous. (I watched them as part of my research for this post.)
Why does a kick-ass race car driver have to play the bimbo anyway? What is wrong with that woman?
@Mr. Hip: Worse, she has a fragrance coming out. Enough, lady – just do your job!
Capital G God covers the Jewish deity too, FWIW. I believe it’s capital G when referring to “the” God (in any monotheistic context) and lowercase g when referring to one of many, so for example, Hashem is God (well obvi I’m gonna go w/the Jewish example but fill in the blank at will) but Zeus is a god. Also, my sister has one Megan Fox thumb, which is totally weird.
@MAMA PENGUINO: Called “Pit Stop,” no doubt.
@MISTERHIPPITY: If she’d concentrate on driving, and less on endorsements, she might be kicking the guys’ asses on the track.
@DAHLELAMA: Indeed. Of course, not all religions refer to a god — Buddhism for example.
Mama P: I don’t mind her doing fragrances, or endorsements in general. But the Godaddy stuff is sexually demeaning. It’s like she’s advancing the cause of women by decades, and also setting women back by decades — all at the same time.
As a role model for young girls, the message she sends is: You can kick ass just like a man, except you have to get naked and dance sexy for men and prove your worth as as sex object too, or it doesn’t mean anything.
Way to go, Danica.
HA! If the last one on Google’s list is the Goddard School (which is really called Goddard College) in Plainfield, Vermont–that is the first place I got stoned—I think I was 14 or 15 and we went to a concert there (my rents had no idea I was heading over to Goddard) and that it were I smoked my first bowl. I am going to do my own Google search and see if it is actually the link to Goddard in Vermont.
Dammit! It is not in fact a link to Goddard in Vermont, but oh well, the truth still is that I got stoned at a place called Goddard and the Google search on “God” was interesting………now back to searching for myself.
Anna: You just made me remember the first time I got stoned. And get this – it was in a Christmas Tree farm!
Well, “farm” is probably an overstatement – it was just a modest grove of evergreen trees owned by a guy who cut and sold many of them each winter for Christmas Trees.
I still remember wandering through those trees, stoned off my ass. My brain made up this really strange tune that I can still hear in my head to this day. It sounded like a record played at 78 RPM (that’s old-people talk, sorry), repeating on an endless loop ….
Club thumb?
I’ve heard of disco pinkie, rave middle finger and house index finger, but not this. Poor girl.