It’s Time To Stop Writing About How It’s Time To Stop Saying ‘Douchebag’
Published: December 11, 2009
You know the old blog post topic about how the word “douchebag” has jumped the shark, and we need to stop using it and/or come up with a substitute? Well that topic has jumped the shark, and it’s time to stop writing about it.
First of all, it’s pointless, because the pejorative use of “douchebag” (and it’s cousin “douche”) will probably persist forever. Second, this has become one of the most unoriginal blog post topics on the Web: Ever since Emily Gould used it in a terrific, witty Gawker piece she wrote back in 2006, it’s been done to death.
Don’t believe me? Just check out the list of a half-dozen blog posts on the topic (the latest published just yesterday) that I’ve assembled here.
- Douches: Time to Bag it? “We couldn’t help but notice that the trope is now so bitten and tired, it pretty much begs to be called ‘Already Over’ (if Already Over wasn’t Already Over, obvs).” (Emily Gould, Gawker, Nov. 1, 2006)
- Slang Stock Market “I’m shorting the word ‘douche.’ After a strong resurgence in 2005 and showing strong staying power through 2007, its day has come. … Pretty soon even the douches won’t be calling people douches, which is when the stock will completely crash.” (Ricky Van Veen, rickyvanveen.com, April 27, 2007)
- A Moratorium on the Word “Douchebag” “The word has its purpose, sure. But it’s so commonly used that it’s lost its true impact.” (Richard Dorment Esquire.com, June 18, 2008)
- What Insult Should Be The New “Douchebag”? “Can we all just admit that the terms ‘douche,’ ‘douchebag,’ and ‘d-bag’ are starting to wear a little thin? Lindsay at Videogum has long lamented over how she’s tired of the term, and I couldn’t agree more.” (Sara Schaefer, bestweekever.tv, Oct. 16, 2008)
- Farewell, Douchebag “A reader recently suggested that the time has come to retire the term douchebag. We agree.” (Gabriel Snyder, Gawker, Dec. 18, 2008)
- 4 Reasons The Douchebag Has Jumped The Shark “While we’re on the subject of language, I’d like to point out that both the word ‘douchebag’ and the concept it stands for are, like, totally over.” (Anna N., Jezebel, Dec. 10 2009)
Contrary to these blog pronouncements, this piece of slang is not dead, nor will it die anytime soon. It’s been around at least since I was in high school — and I am fucking old, people. I remember referring to Gerald Ford a “douchebag” when he was president. Saturday Night Live did this great skit about “Lord Douchebag” back when Bill Murray and Gilda Radner were still cast members. So we’re talking over 30 years this term has persisted, and it ain’t about to go away now.
In fact, I suspect it never will. It’s become a permanent fixture in the language. You’d probably have better luck getting people to use a new conjunction to replace the word “and” than you would getting them to stop saying “douchebag.”
So I hereby call a moratorium on stories, articles or blog posts that call for a moratorium on the word “douchebag.” We need a new witty topic to keep recycling instead. For example, how about … well, the topic of this post? I’ll bet, between now and 2012, we can post at least a dozen more blog pieces that declare that we should stop writing “douchebag-is-over” posts. So let’s get busy writing them!
You bunch of douchebags.
Hip, can we add “douche nozzle” to that? It’s tiresome.
I just go with “philistine” these days.
Also, how in God’s bloody tinker do you use one of those contraptions? I have never seen one in real life and I pray I never do.
Just dip your bits in a hot bathtub, apply soap and get over yourself with your horror of th Threat of Uncleanness, it’s a self-cleaning oven, for the love of Pete!
@Van Veen: Shorting “douche?” I’ll bet you got soaked on that one.
Also, here’s something douchbag-related and frankly adorable that pops up in the ads:
http://www.enemasupply.com/undoen.html
Perfect for Valentine’s Day, it’s right around the corner, young lovers.
@Chillbear – I know! I hope he still has some of his money left from his founding shares in CollegeHumor.com, at least.
Everything old is new again — “douche-bag” is undergoing a Renaissance, is all. And for what it’s worth, the hyphen was suggested by my spellchecker.
@Nefarious: That hyphenated form is the old-timey spelling, from the 19th Century.
“Pray sir, I think you’ll agree … these tedious blow-hards in the Whig party are nothing but douche-bags!”
I hope this post gets wide circulation through the bloggy world and the media world but I am afraid it is like wishing the New York Times won’t run a front page story this year about how the subway trains do not run on time.
Douch-bag is to twat-bucket as Harry Potter is to Twilight.
That’s from the SATs
What does the OED say about douchebags? Anyone have one handy? Also, I wrote what I think is a terrific comment on Jez yesterday re: douchebags that ended with my positing the idea that the phrase “jumping the shark” has jumped the shark. That said, I stand by the term “douchebag” albeit sparingly.
@BL: Exactly. Self. Cleaning. Enough said.
MamaP- “jump the shark” jumped the shark when Gawker jumped the shark. Which was a while ago. Shark
I almost bought one of those awful Gawker “Douche/You’ve Been Outdouched” t-shirts. I figured I’d put it in the ol’ safety deposit box and auction it off in 20 years during Nick Denton’s trial at The Hague.
@:LawyerGay: Gawker had the WORST fucking T-shirts. They were as bad as that “book” they published, remember?
The problem was, I think, that they didn’t let Balk or Choire or Emily or the other editors write those things. I think Nick probably wrote them himself. That’s why they sucked.
Hip: I totally forgot about the Gawker book! It was a kind of snarky career guide for media younglings, righ? I wonder how it’s holding up these days.
I want points for informing Jezebel yesterday that Emily did this 3 years ago.
Also, what is this magical website I have stumbled upon!?
@CherriSpryte: I find it SUPER annoying that Emily Gould’s article was ignored by writers for Gawker media. REALLY? Also, as Mister Hippity suggests, and in my opinion too, Emily’s is the funniest and most concise of the lot.
Also, my comment on Jez wasn’t as amusing as I remembered. Just want to report that in case anyone happens upon it and thinks, “God, she’s pretty full of herself.”
@Cheri: Are you new? WELCOME! Please tell us EVERYTHING about yourself! And please do not believe the editor when he says pictures of your breasts are a requirement for posting.
They can take away my douchebag when they pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Wait… that didn’t come out right.
Hip, let’s kill two birds with one stone. Let’s repurpose “douche” to replace that tired old conjunction ‘and.”
Think of the possibilities! Peanut butter douche jelly sandwich. Jon douche Kate plus eight. S-douche-M. We can replace the ampersand with a picture of that little contraption up there. We can do it.
CherriSpryte!!!!!!
Welcome to the anarchist syndicate/cult!
As I said on Jezebel, I’m just gonna start using “John Mayer” instead and move on… and then in like 3 years from now someone can write a post about how sfBirdie jumped the shark on John Mayer, and THEN someone can write about how posts about how sfBirdie jumped the shark jumped the shark, and THEN (careful, I’m gonna go meta on y’all) someone can write a post about posts about how posts about how posts about how sfbirdie jumped the shark, jumped the shark, jumped the shark.
Now I’m just fucking confused, please continue.
But seriously, Hip, I agree and don’t really understand why people still want to put it to rest.
Who is this “MisterHippity?” He sounds like a douchebag.
@SF: John Mayer is “douch(bag)” personified. Good call.
@Vox: I’ve never trusted people who listen to John Mayer, it’s like an immediate red flag.
@KateKate: I’m going to write a post on how you jumped the shark on this one.
Vox: Bob douche Carol douche Ted douche Alice.
KateKate: No, he’s more of a twatwaffle.
@Hippity: Funny douche hilarious.
Anna is so with-it!
@Biglegged: Whenever I see the neame “Anna N.” it makes me think of “Ana Ng”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEjutUbgpH8
@Mama P: Since you asked, the OED defines douche-bag as “(a) a sterile receptacle for the fluid when administering a douche; freq. applied to the whole apparatus used for douching, including rubber tubing, nozzles, etc.; (b) U.S. slang, a general term of disparagement, esp. for an unattractive or boring person.”
I don’t think that’s a very accurate description of how it’s used as an epithet at all.
I still have a subscription to OED online even though I contributed my last Word of the Day column 8 months ago. If you don’t cancel it, they just keep charging you. Am I a douche, or just an idiot?
Hemingway even wrote about the douche bag in To Have And Have Not:
“Love is my insides all messed up. It’s half catheters and half whirling douches. I know about love. Love always hangs up behind the bathroom door”
Of course a lot of people think Hemingway was a douche bag.
@Rene: We have the compact OED that comes with a magnifying glass. Little P ran off with the magnifying glass several months ago and now the compact OED is about as useful as boobs on a boarhog. But I do love a man with access to the OED – it’s very comprehensive – it tells me he will leave no word undefined, no nook overlooked.
@MamaP: Also, I will not sell a wine before its time.
@BelllTolls: I think “The Whirling Douches” would make a good name for my band, if I had one. It would be awesome because when people asked me where the name came from, I could say: “Oh, it’s from a Hemingway quote … you’re not familiar with it?”
Hippity: great video. I must have been busy playing mommy when that came out, but I love it!
Rene: I miss Word of the Day, now that you mention it. Has it really been that long?
Cheri: I hope you will stay and play here ~
Well, Vox, you know what they say: ‘live douche learn’!
@ Misterhippity Putting to use obscure literary references is not an easy thing.
@Cheri: Don’t listen to Mama P–if the rest of us had to send boob pics in, so do you.
Wait, what do you mean no one else sent boob pics?
Also, I’m hoping Jersey Shore will open the door to a whole bunch of “Douchebag” replacement vocabulary. For instance, “MisterHippity is a total Situation.”
@Hippity dear: One of those cool coincidences, your link to “Anna Ng” which mentions the “64 World’s Fair” comes on the same day as my loving a post about that from the great blog Scouting NY:
All about that Fair, and the 1939 one as well. He’s a scout for film shoots, hugely interesting blog about unique and interesting locations around NYC. Loves unnoticed gargoyles. Not you, Mildred, get back to the kitchen! Where was I – oh, that post was just revelatory, he lovingly documents the Unisphere, strange spage-age monuments in the park, much more ..fascinating urban archaeology (in what’s a thriving Queens park.) And also, of course “Don’t Let’s Start” by TMBG was filmed under the “Tent of Tomorrow”. I had no idea it was called that. Love the coincidence of the 64 Fair coming up again today.
http://www.scoutingny.com/?p=1221#more-1221
@Rene: Terribly disappointed you did not provide us the history of usage, btw.
A few years ago I was out with my grandmother (who went through menopause DECADES ago) when she bought a douche at Wal-Mart. I was too afraid to ask her what in the world she was going to use it for.
MissP:
Wal-Mart: Selling douchebags to your grandmother since 1967.™
@Rene: Was that a Paul Masson reference up there? I will never tire of this clip and am completely unable to stop myself from posting it whenever there’s the slightest connection to it. Muahhaha…the French!
By the way, Hip, I miss Gilda Radner too.
I hold a grudge against Anna, who banned me from Jezebel for a comment I made on Gawker, even though my comment wasn’t bad; it did cause a shitstorm of comments, but that wasnt’ my fault. *grumps off*
Also, I prefer the term “asswizard” or “fuckface” and have been know to call people who drive 55 mph in the fast lane “waste of sperm.” I sometimes call my oldest dog “shitbreath,” but she eats poop, so that’s only fair.
I’m totally on board for replacing douchebag with any vocab from Jersey Shore, Dahl. That way, I can say things like, “I’m honestly really feelin’ John Mayer right now, honestly.’
@MissPeacock: The strange things is, there always seem to be a lot of them on the shelf. I mean, are women really using them that much? I’ve never known a woman who did… there must be some hidden use for them we have never been told about.
@VoxPopuli: My god, I remember those commercials so well! I still bet the wine killed Orson Welles.
@BookishLookish: She was outstanding; Gilda was one of the reasons SNL was so good when it first started.
@gerbilsinlove: I’m more partial to “assclown,” myself, or even “asshat.”
@sfbirdie: I swear, that show is going to be the death of NJ.
@Newt: I started to respond to your innocent (?) question about douches and thought, why do I have to be the person to explain the different acceptable uses for a douche in mixed company, no less? Ask your wife. Or better yet (since that may create more questions than you’re willing to answer), Google it!
@Mama Penguino: Well, I knew their intended purpose… I’m a guy, but I’m not that dumb…
@NefNewt: Maybe, but I’m honestly feelin’ it.
@GerbilsinLove: Jezebel has gone to the dogs anyway – lots of new commenters with lots of nothing to spew.
@sfbirdie: Jezebel is no longer fun, which is why I pretty much stopped commenting.
@Newt: Of course you know what they’re for, technically, but I meant more or less why they’re still useful for certain conditions.