RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE
Published: November 20, 2009
Hey you -- America -- you’re being raped! Your car is being raped! Your dog -- Mr Peters -- he’s being raped in the back yard as I type this. Your DVD collection -- already raped, raped by Obama himself, with his big black rapey cock in standard definition. Your Tivo? Raped! Your paycheck? Raped, raped right in the decimal point, where rape really hurts. Your job? Raped -- raped once during it’s coffee break, and twice during lunch, right outside your place of work in front of a big, cheering liberal rape party.
Your shoes have been raped repeatedly over the past eight months. I’m surprised you don’t squelch on your way home, there’s so much rape on them. That pot plant you keep forgetting to water? Raped. Raped by Joe Biden and his little rape-filled watering can that only sprays out rape. I’m shocked you can even focus on reading this, because you’re being raped right now. Raped in the ear by the legislative cock of Big Government. Raped in the small of your back by a Mexican gardener wearing special raping gloves so he won’t get any of his rape on his thieving and rapey hands. Your toaster oven is being raped by India as we speak -- you’ll need to wipe the rape from it before you have a muffin. And let’s not talk about bagels -- if there’s anything begging for -- and getting -- raped, it’s those fucking bagels. Remember -- “no” means “no, rape my bagel“.
Take a look around you, America. THAT’S IF YOU CAN BECAUSE THERE’S A BIG COCK RAPING YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW. Once your eyes stop being raped, and you wipe the rape from your bruised sockets, you’ll notice that your iPod has been raped. ON SHUFFLE. SHUFFLE-RAPED -- THE WORST KIND, BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF RAPE IS COMING NEXT. COMING! Yes, America -- your carpets and flooring have been raped. Raped until they shine with rape. Your windows -- if you have any left after a gang-window-raping -- have been raped. Yeah -- try and clean that rape off on a windy Sunday morning. You won’t be able to -- you’ll be up your raped ladder trying to wipe rape off your cracked and raped windows and while you lean over to wipe the rape off NANCY PELOSI WILL SCOOT UP YOUR RAPE-LADDER AND RAPE YOUR BUCKET AND AFTER THAT WILL SHAKE THE RAPE-LADDER SO YOU FALL OFF AND LAND IN YOUR RAPED LAWN SO SHE CAN RAPE YOU AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS HER THAT ORIGINALLY RAPED YOUR WINDOWS -- YOUR HOUSE WITH IT’S SLUTTY “ENTRANCES” AND “ROOF” WAS FUCKIN’ BEGGING FOR IT, SAYS RAPEY PELOSI.
Your ten-week old kitten? Raped. That box of clothes you’ve got in your garage -- full of rape. YOU CAN’T DONATE RAPED CLOTHES TO GOODWILL YOU KNOW! Because if Goodwill find out, they’ll come around and rape you. RAPE YOUR ELBOWS, BTW -- ELBOW RAPE. Yes -- there’s all type of rape -- there’s even “rape-rape” these days. “Rape-rape” is the worst kind of rape, because rape is mentioned twice and joined by a hyphen to make SUPER RAPE.
Rape is as American as apple rape. Glen Miller got America through the second World War with his delightful big-band rape. Americans fought and died on Iwo Jima so they could rape it. On D-Day, the US, Britain, The Free French and Canada got together to rape France, which was already being raped by Hitler and, oh, let’s say “Martin Luther King Jnr”, just to be contentious and rapey. As Ludwig Wittgenstein never said:
“History rapes us everyday. Right in the ass. Or the mouth, if it’s an audiobook downloaded from Amazon”.
Rape is everywhere, America. Rape is as natural as a sausage covered by a pancake on a stick, which rape your lower intestines. Rape can be bought in bulk at your local Rape-Mart. Or at K-Rape. You can be raped twice at Barnes and Rape if you’re not careful and don’t dress appropriately.
Yes. Your toilet has just been raped. Repeatedly.
Sorry. Am I going on about “rape” too much? Not as much as Glenn “Rapey” Beck or Rush “Rapester” Limbaugh.
Why do these wingnuts go on about rape so much, you ask, in-between being raped by a big, throbbing, pre-cum-leaking liberal agenda. My theory? Glenn, Rush, Michael Savage et al really fantasize about being raped. They do. It really gets them off. They imagine -- almost continually -- about being raped while jerking off their little cocks, cocks they haven’t seen in years without striking an ungainly and unflattering position with a selection of hand-mirrors. Cocks they can’t see, but only feel. And only get really hard when they pull it repeatedly while dreaming about a big cock -- probably black, or at least Mexican -- pounding into their steadily loosening anuses and hitting their knotted prostate and finally filling with hot man-seed as they dribble their own cum into a special white sock while their wives are out, probably dreaming about the same scenario.
Yes. That’s it in a nutshell. Or a nutsack. You see -- they spend so much time and energy -- lifting that gut and fupa to get access to their little squat doorknob cocks takes effort, dont’cha know -- that these thoughts of being raped bleeds into their daily discourse. They love saying “rape”, because in their subconsciousness it gives them a little tingle of excitement. The more they say “rape” the sooner they want to get home to start searching for their cocks so they can dribble their poisonous seed into something that isn’t their partner.
Because that’s what they really want.
Raped. And pissed on, too. Probably.
ps -- This theory also explains why I keep mentioning “tit-sucking” when I’m out shopping, or on the phone to Visa. Or discussing the weather with my neighbor.
Excuse me, I went to see the Statue of Liberty last week and she was most definitely not recently raped. She is huge and can squash any man who gets fresh with her.
Men using the term “rape” for their own sick uses is not a new thing. It is a vile, disgusting, demoralizing thing, yes, but it’s a way to sexualize rhetoric to give it false power, nothing more. Strong language, weak ideas behind it, on the backs of women’s real-life suffering.
I don’t want to see anyone raped. Except maybe these narcissistic morons. But I want it done in public, not the way they want it done, in a nice private dungeon by some mean domme with a condom shoved over the non-business end of her cat o’ nine. I want these monsters to be raped with their own evil words, before the nation. And I want it now.
Um, here’s a theory: the more you throw around rape and apply it to things like, er, governing, the less it means when you get caught actually raping someone.
@Bookylooky: I echo your sentiments precisely. Funny how there wasn’t any mention of Malkin or her ilk babbling on about rape. Hmmm.
@MediaHoHoHo: This is EXACTLY what I’m trying to do with my incessant nattering about “tit-sucking”.
Although, tit-sucking will always mean something to me.
I would like to see Glen Beck corn holed yes I would.
Virus- I think I see a cloud bunny, oh no wait it is just tit-sucking
Wholesale fear of black rape of white women gained prominence in Post-Reconstruction America and came to fruition among lower class whites in the early part of the Twentieth century when it became used as a justification for lynching — that powerful tool of keeping control of the “freed” black population. Well, that and murder and poll taxes and like and stuff. A charming little touchstone.
Mediahoho: I agree with you completely. I cringe even when people (men) talk about “raping the environment.”
HG: It is a singular act, second only to murder in the imposition of will on another human being and the violation of human dignity. Which is why you never see me making prison rape jokes, even about people I despise.
Mediahoho: Prison rape is a most disgusting thing – almost on a par with the Rockefeller mandatory drug sentences – and it is a shame on our society, our humanity, -let’s be clear – us that we let this happen. We know it happens. We do nothing (I speak for myself) to ensure that a prisoner is given this most basic human right, not to be raped.
There were times when I used to watch L&O when the good cops would threaten the suspect with what he could expect in jail. If the cop had made the same threat to a woman, it would not be acceptable to anyone who thinks. Why should a man being raped be acceptable? Yet it seems it is. It is not. It is so not. It is the dirty little corner of the penal system, crowded with teeming cockroaches that would horrify us all.
And yet, there is a word for this on Fark. Pound me in the ass prison. PMITA. It’s the routine recommendation for some criminal they don’t like. There are lots of criminals I don’t like, but this is not what I wish for them. And, strangely, it seems the straight male posters are the ones wishing this fate on another man. Weird.
@Registered: I’m not sure if I am off the mark here, but I think that one of the reasons that prison rape is assumed to be such an effective threat on television shows is that you generally have tough guy male cops interviewing tough guy male suspects. Of course, in this testosteron fueled setting, there is nothing more emasculating and tragic than forced sodomy, so the tough guy suspect gets a little twinge of fear in his eyes and starts to try to cut deals left and right.
It doesn’t work that way in real life. The suspects generally know more about prison life than cops. They’ve calculated the risks and know what prison is all about. The problem is that they usually think that they can lie their way out of going there. That is where real interviewing skills come in. I’ve never told anyone that they would be raped in prison. I’m a mediocre interviewer, but I’ve never seen a really good one use it either. So, I guess that’s a tip for you Wordsmokers. If you’re ever being interviewed and the interrogator brings up prison rape, then you know you are dealing with an amateur and you should just bullshit him/her or lawyer up. If he or she lights up a cigarette and offer you one and starts talking to you about sports, dummy up.
As far as the word “rape” or the concept of rape being used frivolously, I have to agree with the infallible wisdom of the Wordsmoker collective. It is not okay.
When I was in college, there was a locution making the rounds that went as follows: “X rapes me.” Variations such as “I was raped by X,” or “That’s rapish” were not uncommon.
X was usually a work of art or literature or criticism infamous for its phallocentricity and perpetuation of heteronormative power structures. More often than not, Julia Kristeva either had or would soon discourse on X in a controversial and thought-provoking article.
Being callow and thinking we were way funnier than we were, my boyfriend and I soon began using this locution in other ways, e.g., “My Shakespeare seminar got moved to 8:45 on Friday morning; that rapes me.” Or “I haven’t even started researching my senior essay; I’m totally raped!” Or “Pass the rape nuts.”
We were sophomores.
LG: Oh, the eighties were fun.
Heidegger, “language speaks us.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_vYz4nQUcs&feature=related
Bookish: Have you ever run across this book: http://www.amazon.com/Fashionable-Nonsense-Postmodern-Intellectuals-Science/dp/0312195451.
I hadn’t heard of it until I read the Wikipedia write-up on Kristeva.
God, how I imbibed (and dispensed) such nonsense as a young(er) man!
I would also point out that wherever you are, there’s a pretty good chance someone in the crowd is a rape survivor and using the word “rape” in jest is like a knife in the stomach.