Fantastic Mr. Fox:  Aptly named.

Yes, kitten torturer – it’s all very cute right now, what with your MASSIVE FUCKING FINGERS assaulting it’s poor kitteh belly REPEATEDLY for extreme comedic effect. But just you wait until it’s a bit older, and it starts literally STRIPPING THE FLESH FROM YOUR BONES WITH IT’S TEETH AND CLAWS LIKE A FURRY PIRANHA. (Note to BellTolls – can you give me 100 words on “furry piranhas”? I’m sure they exist.)

Hello my beauties! See how beginning a paragraph with a sentence ending in an exclamation mark completely belies the fact that I’m almost drowning in a flood of tiredness? I don’t know what’s up with me – besides clinical depression – but I am mulling ingesting LSD and connecting some of my toes to a car battery while inhaling a range of commercial solvents in an attempt to kick-start myself, somehow. I’ll let you know how it goes. Enough of my personal issues – on with the re-cap of stuff posted last week. Don’t Stop Believin’!

Count Blah-cula.

I was resigned to write the predicable “After Thanksgiving” themed Smokies, when I received an invitation that I knew would provide me with a new theme and inevitably delay my completion of the Smokies. The invite was to an “art scavenger hunt.” I had never heard of such a thing before, but if you have, please bear with me while I summarize.

Mama Penguino is that rarest of Wordsmokers, a highly-valued contributor who has been honored as much for her articles as for her comments.  She took the opportunity offered by Virus in the Thanksgiving open thread to share her reflections on that holiday, and those ahead.  The following comment medley has been lightly edited for continuity. 

The Road is the best feel-good holiday movie since Munich.

(Space – it’s the final frontier, unless you include really good hallucinogenics. It’s where we – humanity – will be colonizing one day, perhaps a Tuesday – in the future. Yes – “future Tuesdays” – they already sound magical and fantastic, as opposed to “Wednesdays”, which will always be shit no matter how cool you think you look in your silver jumpsuit. The collection of words below here form Wordsmoker Helene’s choices – if you’re still confused, here’s the original post. Beam them up – INTO YOUR BRAINS – and send your choices into the usual futuristic email address. Ed)

Thursday is “Thanksgiving” and is already happening in some countries in weird time-zones that don’t celebrate it, or even support the idea of it within their “constitutions” or “by-laws”. Strange, eh? It’s like the “World” Series only being cared about in America or something. Confusing! Anyway, seeing how all the internet happens in America, and America shuts down so turkey can be inhaled like oxygen, Wordsmoker is providing a public service to you – the public – a little place where you can live-blog or vent your Thanksgiving horror-shambles/undiluted joy. Servicey!

Well, here we are, boys and girls and whatevers, another Thanksgiving is upon us. I’ve come to the conclusion that I dislike Thanksgiving and almost all it stands for.

For starters, why do we have to have a special day to be grateful for our blessings? Is that not artificial? OK, cool, here we are, fat, rich, and happy. Let’s drop a box of mac & cheese off at the homeless shelter to feel good about ourselves and re-enforce our position in life. Then we’ll go spend money at the mall the next day. No, gratitude is like New Year’s resolutions. If it’s that important, you shouldn’t wait.

You know – Smokin’ Comments – like penises – come in all shapes and sizes. And length. And girth. Some comments are long and involved, and by the end of reading them you’re weeping into your sleeves and calling Archbishop Desmond Tutu for help and assistance. Some of them are like virtual puppies, barking funny words into your ears while you try to watch Simon Cowell’s tits on TV. And some of them are just short, snarky and sharp. And very funny, like Helman Giraffe’s on the Dana Perino post:

Welcome to the latest edition of Celebrity Shame, where we round up the latest gossip floating around the web which others copied from other blogs rounding up the latest gossip to come out of celebrity blogs read in on-set trailers by bored personal assistants talking to each other in chat-rooms about celebrities which certain frequently copied gossip blogs recently highlighted on E! and other celebrity gossip blogs on the web I have no soul left celebrity gossip please shoot blog me for making me cover this celebrity no kill me I gossip mean it on a blog about the hottest celebrity gossip THANKSGIVING SPECIAL!

Like everyone, we all remember what we were doing when we saw those horrific images on that haunting, terrible day. Yes – I’m talking about 11/24 – a date that will live long in our collective memory. When we all looked on – aghast – at the shocking footage on Fox News, as former White House spokesrobot Dana Perino claimed that ‘We Did Not Have a Terrorist Attack on Our Country During President Bush’s Term’. Yes – NEVA FORGET. Unless it harms your argument on the Wingnut Airwaves.

First seals grew gigantic teeth and CLAWS on their FLIPPERS! Now, news from Australia that thousands of feral camels are holding an Australian town hostage. The unfunny thing is that Australia’s drought is a catastrophe of Biblical proportions.