20 Things You Should Know So We Can Be Friends

You all should feel extremely lucky – I refused to do the Facebook version of this and many a friend was obviously disappointed…and maybe even a little heartbroken. Or hungry, I’m not really sure.

In any case, @DahlELama mentioned that this is a great little way to pass the time (thanks) so here it goes:

1. The sight of someone eating easy-mac makes me nauseous. One of my good friends and a sr. year college roomie would always make the damn stuff after the bar and it smelled and looked absolutely heinous. I never understood how she could stomach that Orange Splice-colored blob of pungent chemicals after 4 hours of drinking LIITs – hell, I never understood how she could stomach 4 hours of drinking Long Islands in the first place! In any event, she’s super skinny and pretty so I guess it worked out. Damn you, Knaums.

2. I am a worrier. I will worry about anything and everything, and have spent many hours of therapy over the last 7 years trying to control it. That being said, I come from a line of control freaks and believe this the reason why I worry so much – anything that is beyond my control is cause for concern.

3. My sister is four years younger than I am – to the day. As in, she was born on my 4th birthday. What’s more interesting is that even my closest friends never remember this – its like a surprise to them every time! I’m not saying this is a bad thing, seeing as I love being the center of attention.

4. I taught Dave Chappelle how to use his iPhone late one night outside a hotel in Georgetown. It was the summer, a few months after I graduated, and I was down there for an interview with my congressman’s office. Dave was nice and, unlike all those rumors of him being insane, pretty normal. He even introduced me to his two friends and chatted with me about comedy for a good ten minutes. It is my most memorable celebrity encounter and, while I didn’t get the job, I’m still happy I was dumb enough to go down there and try. I also consider myself pretty damn lucky that they didn’t offer the position to me, seeing as my congressman was brutally defeated in the ‘08 election and I would probably be out of a job right now (although funemployment does sound pretty freaking awesome, with the right amount of expendable funds).

5. I had my first “French” kiss when I was 13 with a French boy named Simon. I found it to be absolutely nasty and felt very nauseous afterwards.

6. My best friend and I were quite the entrepreneurs in elementary school. Every day, for a good 2 months, John Peter and I would spend our afternoons painting small rocks with neon-colored glue and then take them in our red radio flyer around our block, selling them to our unsuspecting, older neighbors for at least $5 a pop. I guess you could say we were more along the lines of young con-artists, seeing as we were selling them rocks that probably came from their yard and were painted sloppily with glue that would end up peeling off anyway after it had dried. Nonetheless, I still like to think we were somewhat badass geniuses for successfully pulling off such a juvenile ponzi scheme.

7. My other bf from elementary school and I were also quite the young crazies together. So crazy in fact, that we hopped in her grandmother’s car one day while her mom was at the store and drove it up and down the street. We were 8 at the time, and we were awesome. What? I just wanted to do Hoodrat Stuff with My Friend.

8. I once dated an aspiring comedian who wasn’t funny AT ALL. He still shows up on my gchat from time to time and I’m always tempted to let him know how incredibly unfunny he is. Yet, I don’t do it because, deep down, I truly believe I am a better person than that… even after he called me a spoiled brat  (which, by the way, is completely false, thank you very much). I also don’t do it because I don’t want to be responsible for crushing his dreams, even though he’s a complete idiot.

9. I think I my comma usage is out of control.

10. I know this boyfriend is the one but I’m still scared to death I’ll screw it up somehow. I also don’t want to tell him that for fear he might not feel the same way – even though I think he does – or that he’ll freak out (which would mean, essentially, that I’ve screwed it up).

11. I’ve always wondered how I can love olive oil so much yet completely hate olives.

12. I get anxious whenever I see that I have a new message in my inbox on the ‘book (my abbrev. for Facebook, obvi). For some reason I’m always afraid it’s a bad message.

13. I consider myself the paparazzo of our group of friends. I really love photos and have to continuously remind myself that, above all things, truly living in the actual moment is more important than a record of it.

14. My cat, Kat, who died this past April was once on Prozac and grad students at UC Davis did a case study on her behavioral habits. In fact, her demeanor was so unbalanced that I had to visit her, twice a week for 15 minutes each time, before I could officially adopt her. She turned out to be one of the most loving cats I’ve ever known.

15. If the way I treat my dog is any indication of how I will treat my children, then God help them. I think coddling might even be an understatement for it.

16. Pretty sure I’m the favorite granddaughter of my two remaining grandparents – Mimi and Grandma.

17. I named my dog Baxter after Ron Burgundy’s beloved pooch in Anchorman. Truth be told (and not to toot my own horn), it is the PERFECT name for him.

18. I do not enjoy sushi at all but will say I like it and say yes to going out for some because I worry I’ll look like an unsophisticated fool if I don’t.

19. I will always be a Nick(elodeon) kid at heart. Clarissa Darling was my hero back in the day… and I think she kind of still is.

20. Only now do I fully understand the phrase “Youth is wasted on the young.”