One Trillion Dollars Poorer!
Published: July 13, 2009
Congratulations America! It seems our budget deficit officially passed the $1 trillion mark this past June, blowing away the previous deficit record of a fiscal year of $454.8 billion (2008). Wow, am I proud! Seriously, in the words of Ron Burgundy, “How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.” I know I should probably be a little discouraged, but I figure, seeing as this recession has already made us all sad and jaded and even poor, we could make some lemonade from these 1 trillion lemons, spike it with some vodka (unless the recession has turned you into an alcoholic, which then I would suggest AA and maybe a sponsor) and woohoo PaRtY like it’s 1998!
You probably think I’m joking, but I fully intend on hosting a $1 trillion deficit shindig this coming weekend. We already have little hope in our gov’t (not counting Obama’s approval rating which will probably never get lower than 55% and according to a CNN poll is currently at 61%, down from 76% in February). What have we got to lose by enjoying ourselves and revelling in the fact that we’ll never have as much debt as our federal government? That’s right -- nothing.
Except maybe acid reflux due to all those lemons.
In any event and whatever happens from here on out, I think we all deserve a good time. Let’s have some fun at the expense of our government’s apparent issue with expenses. Who knows? Maybe all those bottles of Dubra and Popov, along with the massive outpouring of lemon purchases, will give a little boost to our economy?! See? If you think about it the way I am, you’ll see that glass o’ lemonade as half full in no time!
Image via ninjavspenguin.com
Your Editor Edits: Because I know that SFBirdie is “hot”, I’ll be strapping myself to the undercarriage of the next “plane” out of Scotland to the bankrupt state of California, Mexico or wherever it’s moving to to save cash, so that I can attend her deficit “shindig”. And because SFBirdie quoted the genius that is “Ron Burgundy”, here’s his audition tape for ESPN below.
Nice post, birdie! You don’t have to take my word for it: the proof is in the simple fact that VWS is willing to risk his Scottish carcass to attend your shindig.
Cheers!
I promise that I talk about strippers somewhere in here
@SFBirdie: The part over which I’m livid and therefore, probably not fit to attend the party, is that we have not spent three quarters of the $789 billion “stimulus” package passed in February and we now have people saying that we may need a second one, because the first one was insufficient. One can only wonder what would have happened had they gone with the McCain plan that called for half of the spending and would have been stimulating the economy in full a few months ago.
The stimulus plan that we have now was kind of like purchasing the services of a stripper. We all know that we aren’t going to get laid or a blow job, but we’re hoping that the stripper will do something for us. However, after five months of her dancing to You Give Love a Bad Name she takes her top off. Not the bra, just the top. So she tells you that since your not being satisfied with the point eight trill, she’s going to need a few hundred billion more to take off the bra. That’s it. Just the fucking bra. So you go to the ATM, but you can’t get anything out because you’re broke from because no one in your house can balance a check book.
Desperate and not so horny anymore, you turn to your Chinese friend, Mao, who advances you a few hundred billion on top of the trillions that you owe him. Then the girl takes off her bra, but her breasts are disappointing. It was a padded bra and there’s no symmetry. You don’t even think their real and you’re not sure if you care anymore. You know what is real though? The money that you now owe Mao.
So, Obama is a pastie?
@curly q tip: Hmm, is this in regards to @Chillbear because I’m not quite following? Please, go on…
I enjoy your comparison of ‘a wheel of cheese’ to ‘our countries trillion dollar debt’. And, I will go on…