Live-blogging The Michael Jackson Memorial Concert
Published: July 07, 2009
Hello Dead People Circus-watchers! As you may have heard, Michael Johnson Jackson died for your sins and there’s a concert for him at the Staples Center in Nebraska (I’m typing too hard and fast to check facts, so deal with it). It’s 6pm here, which means it’s Monday in Los Angeles (The City Of Angles), and I’ve got a headache and some tea so I’ve decided to live-blog this ridiculous reminder of someone who stole his best moves from Bill Bailey and would be nothing without The Genius That Is Quincy Jones.
Also. I’m using the BBC feed to snark on about, so it may not be what you’re seeing on your idiot lanterns.
Add your comments in the comments below. Comments! And keep refreshing to update stuff! Page-views!
Here we go!
* Smokey Robinson looks great! He’s reading out messages from God, Jesus, Diana Ross and Nelson Mandela! He’s a bit unsure of the words, as they’re only written down on a sheet in front of him. Anyway – when Smokey sings, I hear violins!
* Mariah Carey is apparently first up. At time of writing, she hasn’t shown her tits face yet.
* Still no Mariah. It’s all went very quiet. I can only imagine there are problems with either nipples, hair or microphones. Perhaps all three! You could cut the atmosphere with a steamroller.
* It’s at times like these when I wish the bullet points were working here. Please substitute the asterisks for bullet points IN YOUR MIND. I’m going to take some painkillers now for my Michael Jackson Headache™
* Moment of silence my tight, Scottish ass. Moment of panic about radio frequencies and hairspray, more like. Please congratulate yourself if you’re not seeing the BBC feed – Paul Gambacini, the most annoying and saccharine-sounding pop-expert we have over here – is doing the running commentary. I want to punch a Care Bear in the cock.
* Are y’all seeing this screen graphic – “Apologies for the delay. The service will resume shortly”. OH. APPLAUSE FROM PEOPLE WITH HANDS.
* Turns out they were applauding the on-screen graphic! Who wouldn’t! It was pretty well spelled, and was blue, with sparkles in the background LIKE MICHAEL WOULD HAVE WANTED IF HE MADE ON-SCREEN GRAPHICS. Actually I’m applauding it myself.
* NEW ON-SCREEN GRAPHIC ALERT “Live: Staples Centre”. THAT IS SICK, ON-SCREEN GRAPHIC MAN ESPECIALLY SINCE MICHAEL JACKSON IS SO, SO DEAD NOW.
* There is actually something happening! Piano music noise!!
* Dead Jesus Michael has appeared in his casket! It’s as GOLD AS FUCK. I love choirs. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a strident, knife-wielding atheist.
* This is just like Live Aid. Apart from being inside. And not as big. But it has flowers! Hundreds of flowers!
* Pastor Smith is handsome and has a nice tie, handkerchief and suit.
* Pastor Smith just said that Michael “is never truly gone”. Are there children in the Staples Center? HUG THEM CLOSER, ERRANT PARENTS.
* HERE’S MARY CAREY!!! Dogs can only hear her intro-lines! It’s amateur hour already, but it’s early days, as they say. We’re reminded of how cute MJesus was with pictures of him with a Superb Afro. What a cute kid!
* The male members of the Jackson Family seem to have been dressed by the same robot butler. ROBOT BUTLERS ROCK! I also hate vocal histrionics of the Mary Carey variety. And her hairstyle is a bad choice to sing to a dead man with. But that’s only my opinion, Mary. I also wish your tits were real.
* QUEEN LATIFAH: YOU SO SEXY, SEXY LADY. She brings a much-needed humanity to proceedings. Sounds more honest, something touching at last. Also – the applause mix is terrible. OH NO MAYA ANGELOU ALERT!!!!! Adam Streeter, where are you??????
* Parsing Teh Maya Words: Michael Jesus was a puff of wind who broke our clocks and contributed to global warming. He also pierced something, was a gift, and came to us from the Creator (Quincy Jones?). MJ also had humour and style. We knew him and didn’t know him. WE HAD HIM???? NOT ME, MAYA I DON’T SWING THAT PARTICULAR WAY, WORD-LADY. The Eiffel Tower is in Tokyo? BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND GETS A MENTION, YOU BRUMMIE FUCKERS ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
* Adam Streeter can write better poetry while in a coma.
* Sorry, but Lionel Riches has the biggest fucking chin. Bigger than Jay Leno, who hopefully is also taking his own life in sorrow at the proceedings. The audio mix is terrible. Can’t somebody just come on and sing Beat It or something? ENOUGH WITH THE JESUS REFERENCES, JESUS!!!!!
* A large picture of the Emperor’s Death Star chamber is shown in the background while Mr Riches is singing. I don’t get the connection? Was Michael a Sith lord? Which would explain a lot. Especially the really white, dead skin thing. YES I’M SICK.
* Berry Gordy “something, something TO TOP HIMSELF?!!!” THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SUICIDE REFERENCES, DIANA ROSS TOUCHER!
* I just noticed that the Jackson Family are all wearing one glove. Not the same glove – a single glove for each of them. What a waste of resources! I hope they’re giving the gloves THEY’VE OBVIOUSLY LEFT AT HOME WHEREVER THAT IS to charity.
* Berry is talking about baseball. He’s quite a cute little mogul, and I like his tidy grey beard. Thanks Berry – Motown provided (and still provides, somewhat) the soundtrack to my life. I also suspect he’s wearing a Stephen Colbert Wrist Strong bracelet.
* VIDEO MONTAGE GO! I see dead people – Reagan, zombies, Farm Aid, Liz Taylor who isn’t dead!
* You Are Not Alone: I’Z IN YOUR BEDZ NOT TOUCHING YOU OF COURSE.
* I wonder if they’ll show that clip of Michael Jesus at The Brit Awards where Jarvis Cocker slapped his own ass in disapproval?
* STEVIE FUCKING WONDER. ALL RISE FOR TRUE FUCKING TALENT. Stevie is wearing really cool Predator hair.
* Stevie starts singing and the hair literally rises on the back of my Scottish neck. Fuck. Me. Somehow, and somewhy, I feel myself tearing up a bit. Holy Shit. I love you, Mr Wonder. This is the highlight so far.
/snark.off.while.stevie.sings
* I’m speechless at that performance. Everybody may as well just switch off now or go home. I actually shed a tear.
* Ladies and gentiles – Michael Johnson and Kobe Bryant, who I think are two actors from Oklahoma. I need to recharge my snark while these two are on.
* Sorry – they’re “baskets ball” players! Wikipedia really is erroneous on this subject. The dead Michael apparently made the living Michael who plays the “baskets ball” a better player. FIRST MENTION OF KFC!!!!
* I’ve just bought shares in intensely-farmed chicken.
* Jennifer Hudson: Singing Like She Fucking Means It. Please note, fucking Mary Carey. Jen looks as if she might give birth at any moment. Which would be another highlight – the duality, death and new life and SINGER PLACENTA!
* Thanks, Jen. Superb.
* Oh no – Al Sharpton to remind us about how Michael Jesus was actually Martin Luther King. Fuck off. And who is this Gary Indiana person? A swash-buckling archaeologist? Michael Jesus Had A Dream!!!! YES WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE DREAMT ABOUT THAT’S WHAT GOT HIM INTO TROUBLE. “He pulled up his pants and broke barriers?” MAYBE DURING A PERP WALK??? FUCK OFF AL SHARPTON, BTW. YOU ARE INTO OVERKILL LEVEL 10 WHICH IS BEYOND YOUR NORMAL OPERATING LEVEL OF 9.5.
* MICHAEL MADE BARACKS OBAMA!!!! WTF?
* Yes. Michael never stopped. Until he had enough. TOO MANY UNSETTLING IMAGES IN MA HEADZ.
* This is the completely wrong tone. Self-aggrandising nonsense. BRING BACK STEVIE AND MAKE ME CRY AGAIN.
* Michael tore down divisions? Perhaps in the Neverland Ranch, between the bedrooms. FUCK OFF AND DON’T CALL ME AL.
* John Mayer, playing a beautiful Stratocaster. He seems to have been banned from singing? INSTRUMENTAL BREAK EVERYONE. I’ve honestly never heard this Aniston-fucker-and-dumper sing. Get Robert Cray on to do this or something. I like his tie, though. FOR TEH TIE YOU ARE TEH FORGIVENS. This is completely ruining “Human Nature”, which does have some beautiful chord progressions. BUT THIS LOOKS VERY, VERY AMATEUR.
* Brooke Shields In Da House: KEEP IT TOGETHER, BROOKES!
* Bets are now on for the highlight reel – Stevie singing, Brooke babbling, Jennifer belting it out. ALSO STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIRS, BROOKES.
* Today We Learnt That Michael Had A Pure Laugh.
* Brooks Missile Shield is becoming Very Annoying.
* Michael cared so deeply for his family. By dangling some of them out the window, making some of them wear masks, and calling them stupid fucking names. But he was “a prince”. “A lamp”, who was afraid of gusts of wind. THIS IS GOING ON LONGER THAN HIS ACTUAL LIFE, BROOKES PANTY SHIELDS.
* First Mention Of The “B Word” – BLANKET. I’d actually repeatedly blanked that out. ENOUGH WITH THE BREAKDOWNS, ALREADY.
* NEXT UP – THE NATION OF ISLAM WITH A HAND-PUPPET PERFORMANCE (not really)
* Jermaine is singing “Smile”. He has pointy ears like a certain cyclist I know someone (KORA) keeps drooling over.
* I need to pee. But my headache is gone. And kudos to Jermaine for keeping it together UNLIKE SOMEONE DIDN’T DO VERY WELL YES YOU BROOK HAND-CLEANSER SHIELD. That was pretty brave of Jermaine, to give him his due.
* It’s well-known CIA operative Martin Luther King IIIIIVVVVVXXXX! He’s brought Beatrice, the daughter of Dr King, who is wearing sombre lurid green. It strikes me like a brick thrown from a light aircraft that Martin Luther King IIIIOOOVEEE does not have a very audible gift of rhetoric delivery. But hey, apparently “michael did his job well.” Which goes over terribly.
* Beatrice is actually telling me that Michael Was Chosen By God. Even though I’m Mr Super-atheist, I find this incredibly distasteful. I guess God also made Michael overdose? Touch the kiddies? Turn white? FUCK OFF.
* Today We Learnt That The Ability To Deliver A Good Speech Is Not Genetic.
* YES. THAT’S WHAT WE NEED NOW. POLITICS. Michael Jesus’ kids are symbols. ALSO YOU ARE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY UNLESS YOU PAY OFF THE PROSECUTION CASE WITH YOUR MONEY.
* Why is the congresswoman dressed like a Cyberman? This whole part is Terribly Inappropriate. Michael Jackson was The Good Samaritan. Which does make him approximately 2000-odd years old. Also – Michael Jesus Cured Teh AIDS. I AM NOW FINDING THIS INCREASINGLY DISTASTEFUL, LADY.
* OH I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, BITCH. FUCK OFF. Your shit will look awful in the coming weeks, after Ol’ Dirty Bastard gets planted and the single gloves come off in the media.
* Oh to be able to hack the screen behind her and show a still image of Jordy Chandler Bing or whatever his name was.
* It can only get better.
* The Usher is on stage. Wearing glasses that Martin Scorsese would find “even a bit too big for me”. He can sing though. I’m raging at Sheila Political Black Caucus Woman’s entire speech. The Usher stands up from his seated position. How can he see anything there in those enormous shades? WATCH YOUR STEP THE USHER!
* COFFIN TOUCHING – FILM AT 11.
* A young Michael is now seen singing on Ed Sullivan. I suddenly remember how precocious his talent was. And I love the hat. And it’s a bad fade out.
* Here’s Smokey! And I love his suit. Some laughs at last.
* According to Smokey, who is now apparently speaking off the cuff and doing well, “Michael will live on forever”. CUE THRILLER FOOTAGE OF ZOMBIE DANCING?
NO?
MISSED A CHANCE, DEATH-SHOW – MISSED A CHANCE.
* A young boy is now pretty near the coffin. Too soon? The audio mix has gone back to awful.
* The young boy who can reasonably mimic other singers has left the stage. Underwhelming! I think he’s got some connection to Simon Cowell, but I don’t follow that fuck through choice, so I may be wrong.
* Kenny Ortega – one of the biggest cocaine producers from South America (checks Wikipedia) – sorry – I think he’s got something to do with dancing and the feet moving, the term for which escapes me for a moment.
* Uh-oh. I think a finalé is coming up. It’s already nauseating me. Some people I don’t know are over-singing. I see religious symbols and some really badly timed, moronic graphics. Hasn’t anybody seen how U2 did it for Zoo TV? That’s how you do the “big words on a screen” thing.
* WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN, WE ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULDN’T BE UNACCOMPANIED BY A RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN THE COMPANY OF THE MAN IN THE COFFIN AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE.
* I’M VOMITING ALL OVER THE WORLD AT THE MOMENT. I HOPE NO DIABETICS ARE WATCHING.
* KEEP THE KIDS AWAY FROM THE CORPSE. REMEMBER “THRILLER”.
* The background vocals have went out of tune, slightly. The kids look as if they have no idea while they’re there. Which is something, I guess.
* LET’S ALL RAISE OUR ARMS AND GO UP A KEY. EVERYONE, YES YOU, WORDSMOKERS DO IT DO IT DO IT MICHAEL WAS JESUS AND ALLAH AND A LLAMA WITH A HEART OF GOLD.
* Jermaine is wrapping shit up. I admire him for keeping it together. But now all TWENTY FOUR FAMILY MEMBERS including his FORTY-SEVEN BROTHERS in smaller-than-Usher’s shades are on stage telling stories.
* Tasteless and unrelated – women wearing berets are really sexy.
* Okay. You’ve crossed the boundaries, tonight. Don’t get your kid to cry on camera. I thought I was sick, but that was beyond fucked getting your kid to say goodbye to her dead father in front of a worldwide audience. HUMANITY FAIL.
* The clip-show of what you’ve just seen. Personal highlights? Only one for me, and that was Mr Stevie Wonder singing like the genius he was, still is, and always will be. I welled up, shed a tear. But Stevie can do that to me.
* Low-lights? Most of the rest of it. The politician, Al Sharpton, the audio mix, a gold coffin.
Well, that was something. The coverage has ended over here, and the BBC is interviewing strange people as they leave the Pop Staples Center, Colorado, New York.
Thanks to all who commented. It was nice to have you around, snark and all, while this was happening. I hope my ridiculous brain-typings weren’t too tasteless for you, and if they were you can of course donate to Wordsmoker using all major credit cards even if they’re not yours. It’s all good. I won’t tell.
Give yourselves a round of applause! WE MADE IT THROUGH IT!
xox
This made me laugh:
“…Los Angeles (The City Of Angles)…”
Angles. Awesome you Scottish bastard.
It’s stuttered to a halt already!
City of Angles=Best spoonerism of all time. My friend Ingrid’s “beefcake tomatoes” is a close second.
I’m watching it on Italian TV.
They have an expert who looks like Santa Claus, if Santa Claus had a Milanese fashion makeover.
I have to watch. I heard Kobe was going to be there.
I love the way the italians add a syllable onto the end of any word that ends in a consonant.
Ko’dack-o Theater.
Elvis-e.
Michael-uh
Also Italians have a lot to say. Endlessly. About everything. The fact that they talk so much could be annoying if it weren’t for the fact that their language is so beautiful.
Holy Body Of Michael! Kora, that’s like watching a moving migraine!
I have a Michael Jackson migraine today too.
When Smokey sings, I hear violins!
Yes.
@kora: and, thanks, I just had a seizure.
My live feed is down. Did Elizabeth Taylor try to put her pet badger in the coffin yet? Did Corey Feldman snort up Shmuley Boteach?
Mariah’s right hand seems to have a mind of its own.
If they are doing all this for Michael Jackson, let me just say that they better do something twice as extravagant and celebratory for Smokey Robinson.
And ten times as big for Stevie Wonder. Shit. MJ was talented but Stevie Wonder is a freakin’ musical genius. And he’s a major supporter for civil rights.
Is it just me or does Mariah suck now?
I keep thinking Mariah’s right hand is going to hit her in the face.
But this hasn’t happened yet, sadly.
Oh good, the Queen. I like her.
The fact that Mariah spent more than 20 seconds on vocal warbles means we’re going to have to hear that song in American Idol auditions for the rest of our lives.
Unfun: I think of Mariah as a one-hit wonder. “Always Be My Baby” was a great song. That’s it.
I don’t give a flying fuck about MJ. There, I said it.
Oh fuck. She’s reading a Maya Angelou poem.
It even sounds trite in Italian.
Queen Latifah reading a Maya Angelou epitaph to Michael Jackson at a sports center named after an office supply chain. Is there a more apropos moment to prounounce the death of poetry?
Mariah is a vile beast. If I had to chose between spending eternity in hell listing to Mariah or Hootie and the Blowfish, I would chose the latter. And that is saying something.
I never liked Mariah but props for being from Long Island, I guess. But she used to have a good voice. Then she went batshit insane.
Is the whole family there? Has anyone seen Janet? I want to see some LaToya action. Oh it’s Lionel Richie, he should sing “Dancing on the Ceiling.”
BC: please say you are kidding.
I want to see Jermajesty.
Kora: How did you forget “All I Want for Christmas is You?”
Oh. Christ this poem is never going to end is it.
Oh good it’s over.
We are the World.
That’s very original Maya.
And this idea that Michael Jackson was some sort of inspiration for African Americans regarding breaking ground for civil rights. Honestly. Get a fucking grip on yourselves people.
@BC It’s not a sports center: it is the HOME OF THE WORLD CHAMPION LOS ANGELES LAKERS. But I get your point.
Kora: word.
Is Justin Timberlake gonna show up and show all the moves he ripped off MJ and is he gonna be really unsexy like he always is even though everyone likes him for some reason?
Helman: This is hardly the time for jokes.
@Unfun: Don’t take your grief and anger out on Justin.
Unfun: true he is not sexy, but he had me with Dick in a Box.
@belltolls: It’s good to see you! I used to be named after a county.
BC — This is building an outhouse on top of the long forgotten overgrown grave site of poetry.
Maya’s blithering verbiage is to poetry as that silly off-key note-warbling is to singing.
“He raised the bar, and then broke the bar.” Hey Berry Gordy, according to Salon.com the Jackson 5 made no money because of you!
Why the fuck is the entire family wearing sunglasses?
If I get another CNN Breaking News Alert relating to this funeral I will be seriously annoyed.
Justin still has most of his original face. His dick may have fallen off, but at least he is true to his face.
I’m following this in part through the AP feed at Salon.com. The most recent headline: “Jackson casket on stage.”
I suppose I’m as interested in this spectacle as the next underemployed person with all day on his hands, but I can’t help feel a bit sickened by it. California literally has no money left in its budget, but they’re forced to provide extra police and highway patrol for this bizarre quasi-funeral/concert? Couldn’t the police department have just said, “No”? Maybe they need the overtime, or maybe they’re not really in a position to say that.
We’re fighting two wars but don’t have a draft. The Fed has given trillions of dollars to Wall Street, but we can’t get our fucking president to put a public option in the health care reform package. Meanwhile, Michael Jackson coverage is on literally every news channel on television right now. What is wrong with us?
Unfun: It distracts from their fucked up noses?
OH SNAP BERRY GORDY JUST DISSED SMOKEY ROBINSON. CHEAP SHOT MUCH?
I hope Joe Jackson gives a speech and says, “He was alright, I guess, but only after I beat his ass.”
I need to know this: Is Webster there? Or McCauley Kulkin (sp?). Or Lisa Marie? Be my eyes, people.
@lawyergay: When Jesus dies, people get sad. Deal with it.
Also, is the casket open? Because if so, EEEWWWW!
@BC Hey! I was hoping it was you. Sorry it is under these tragic circumstances…this endless droning about the early years of the Jackson Five.
I’m holding out for Bubble’s thoughts.
When is the Molested Boys Chorus going to perform?
@Helmangiraffe: Emmanuel Lewis attempted to be a pallbearer. But he ended up doing more harm than good there.
Tofu: HAHAHHAH.
Unfun: “When I think of Michael, what I remember most is that I have a new record company. And all the beatings.”
MJ is Prince?
Stevie Wonder in the hizz-ouse!
I can’t snark on Stevie. Biting tongue.
lawyergay :
I have heard that this is a country called Africa where some Nigerians blew up a Chevron pipeline and Somalians are fleeing invading forces (who are doing things like imposing Shariah law like cutting off hands and feet of teenage kids who steal cell phones). The refugees are flooding areas where there are no aid agencies whatsoever. The last time aid was provided to the displaced in Somalia was April. FUCKING APRIL.
And not for nothing but Michael Jackson was a very disturbed human being. Hardly a role model.
Stevie is so Wonderful
This will be the highlight of the tribute. Everyone might as well go home after this.
Stevie has has more musical genius than everyone in that building put together.
The only other people who can really perform his songs are jazz musicians — they are so musically complex and sophisticated.
Kora: And George Michael.
Shit this song is musically brilliant.
And his singing: listen up Mariah and Beyonce et al: there is a difference between warbling and vibratto.
Stevie made it feel like something was at stake for a second. Time for NBA stars.
bellisima cancione
multo tristeza
Oh HELL no! Talk about a model for black men everywhere. Kobe Bryant. No.
If you look closely at the coffin, you can see where they poked the air holes.
Magic and Kobe are on now. Vlade Divac and Bob McAdoo send their regards.
God, the ESPYs are really morbid this year
Unfun: Hopefully all the different types of sex offenses will be represented before this thing is over. Did Joe Jackson ever do any sex trafficking?
BC: For serious.
Bobby and Chris Brown are up next…
If Christina Aguilera shows up I”m fucking out of here.
And where’s Aretha? Fuck Jennifer Hudson.
Jennifer Hudson gets a pass because she has had to deal with deaths that were actually tragic.
You know. MJ broke down the racist barriers at Mtv. And he was good at doing charitable activities — globally.
But this civil right shit is really annoying. Get some perspective people.
My question: how on God’s green Earth did they get this choreographed this quickly?
Also, with the Michael talking? Was this planned ahead of time?
How about all of those African musicians and percussionists that MJ ripped off for his sound?
Maudlin posthumous voiceover: creepy AND pretentious.
Sharpton’s on. Bathroom break.
BC Precisely.
Kora: And how about the fact that he stopped being black at some point? Disqualification?
Who brought the funeral potatoes?
“Pull his pants up.” The sound bite of the event.
Belltolls : The Italian announcers are just chatting over Sharpton.
Sharpton. He knows a band wagon when he sees one.
Any clips of Joe selling popcorn in the stands, he loves money.
Oh lord in heaven. MJ led directly to Obama everyone. That, and some little dude called Martin Luther King or something.
“Pull his pants up.” Did I just hear that? WTF?
That just makes us all think about the more unsavory activities of MJ.
Oh fuck me. Al Sharpton. Do not talk about Martin Luther King Jr. in the same breath as Michael Jackson. That’s just offensive.
“It was strange what your daddy had to deal with. BUT HE DEALT WITH IT.”
*Wild applause*
Ha! The Italian announcers are criticizing Al Sharpton. And laughing at him.
Viva Italia.
Someone remind me… what exactly were the signs of the Apocalypse?
“Wasn’t nothing strange about your daddy.” Nothing at all. Just chimps and noses falling off and flash in the pan marriages for publicity and a house modeled after an amusement park and at the very least sleeping in the same bed with unrelated children and dangling babies over balconies and wearing masks in public and having the body and voice of a 10 year old boy. NOTHING TO SEE HERE, NOTHING TO SEE.
CurlyQ Tips: Elephants going to a funeral, Charlie Gibson doing the play by play. Oh yeah. This…
Speaking of dicks falling off…
Someone please explain to me John Mayer. He confuses me by his suck.
Did I just see John Meyer preside over Michael Jackson’s ascent into heaven with a tasteful guitar arrangement and orgasm faces?
@Unfun: You’re nitpicking
Yes. The Italians are not afraid to start talking about all of the things that are screwed up about this whole thing.
This is what is great about Italian tv. There are always a handful of people talking and talking and talking. Nothing is off the table. They aren’t afraid to dig into the topics. And there are usually some bimbos standing around just for eye candy. They aren’t perfect. And their prime minister is the only world leader more embarrassing than Bush.
JasonE: So it’s too late to hide the children and take to the hills outside Santa Barbara, huh?
That was longer than a Ginger Baker drum solo.
Unfun: He recognized for the first time that girl children and girl adults were the same category of human being and that you should treat your mother the same as your little sister or something. I think he got a patent.
Apropos of nothing, it is soooo nice to have a Bell chorus reunion!
BC – Ha!
Curly Q Tips: Ha! Much too late.
Blue Maroon
Why didn’t Brooke Shields bother to wash her hair?
Babbling Brooke
MJ and Brooke Shields at Elizabeth Taylor’s wedding. Yes, Brooke, that is just a whole world of odd.
At least she didn’t read from The Notebook.
Nothing gets between me and my Jacksons
I can’t wait until Kathy Griffith gets ahold of this.
I am not listening to her, but crikey, Brooke Shields looks good. And I covet her hair. But bitch needs to end it. I’m also sort of disturbed she’s showing more emotion than anyone in MJ’s family.
Brooke’s literary skills do not speak well of her ivy league education.
Ahh, Brooke and Michael should have made it official, probably could have saved him from those pills and whatnot and saved Brooke from Randy Gerber or whoever the fuck she married.
Unfun: That’s what seemed like the most real sentiment in this whole thing.
The Italians are calling him “German” Jackson.
Michael always overshadowed the fact that Jermaine had a nice singing voice, albeit an adult one.
Korainhell: I always liked Jermaine’s voice a lot.
Those are not the freakshow we call KINGS??? Jesus H. Christ, someone stop this before they start throwing pies.
IF faces smile?
Surprised Marty didn’t push her down the stairs.
I just had the most horrific thought; surely Obama won’t send a taped response from Russia???
Sweet baby Michael. All is forgiven.
RIP BERRY GORDY A NEW ASSHOLE, SMOKEY. PAYBACK IS A BITCH.
What’s the name of his surgeon? Good face work on the HD.
If this is Blanket singing, I’m gonna puke.
Virus, it that one of yours? The one who killed Susan Boyle?
Perhaps…inviting a small boy to join him on tour wasn’t Michael’s best decision.
Seriously thinking of changing my name to Blanket. Oh, there is the Aussie-blonde-lady guitarist Orianthi –who was heating it up in the rehearsal video.
We Are the WTF?!!?
Pia Zadora?
Didn’t they use people who could sing for the original song?
This is just awful.
Which one is Hughey Lewis?
I haven’t laughed this hard in years.
I refuse to turn on the TV because I think the level of histrionics involving Michael Jackson’s death and this crazy over-the-top memorial is beyond ridiculous. I was sitting here thinking I was one of the few people on God’s green earth who felt this way. Imagine my joy at finding Virus did not leave me alone as an outcast, but instead gathered me together with like-minded individuals to laugh–I mean grieve–in our own way.
HUG THEM CLOSER, ERRANT PARENTS.
ROBOT BUTLERS ROCK!
FOR TEH TIE YOU ARE TEH FORGIVENS.
I’m so grateful to be able to laugh in this time of darkness.
You trying to tell me they couldn’t get Huey Louis and Cyndi Lauper on short notice?
Does anyone else want to pitch something before we wrap this up and go plant Michael?
Ding, bell.
Where’s Michael Bolton?
Also the SNL “Save the Chickens” was the greatest parody of this song.
I just shit my pants and a dove flew out. Heal the world. Then I stabbed myself.
WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN, WE ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULDN’T BE UNACCOMPANIED BY A RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN THE COMPANY OF THE MAN IN THE COFFIN AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE.
Gut-wrenching laughter ensues. Sorry. Back to my somber persona.
Funeral Sex Hookup= Brooke and Usher
@BC Great to see you. You just keep getting better and better.
Michael RIP.
Joe Jackson: go to hell.
Who is singing? She’s pretty. And has a nice voice.
Is Prince Michael I chewing gum?
CQT: Totally. I saw that.
Please tell me it’s over.
Kora: Yes, he’s been chewing the Jesus Juice Bubble Gum throughout the service.
I love that the Italians call his German Jackson.
Those kids of his. They might stand a chance if they can spend time with their cousins. And keep Joe Jackson away from him. Either that or call children’s protective services now.
Oh please. Let it be over. This is getting ridiculously maudlin.
Ha. Gary, Indiana had Chicago’s tv programming — we were also watching the 3 Stooges after school.
I think that Randy Jackson is the one who is supposed to have the most real musical talent.
Holy god this is weird
OH MY LORD I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
God, that was rough. Poor Paris.
Those poor poor children.
I think it interesting and important that Janet SAID NOTHING. And she was the person the little girl ran to.
This is like Kremlinology.
I wanted to hear Janet speak. She’s the next most talented family member and also seemingly the most normal. I really wonder what their relationships were like behind the scenes.
But mostly I just want this to end.
This is great.
Why are people still talking?
Well, at least now I completely understand Michael Jackson.
This whole comment thread needs a Special Smokie Award Thing – A Smokey Thing!
*starts work on it
Ah, nothing like reading a liveblog after the fact.
Hee.
The Funeral Pyre Award?
@everyone: I’m glad I read this instead of watching it on the Internetz.
Hey you wonderful people, you are all so good at live-blogging, join our TC liveblog on Gawker tomorrow night!
(Because I, too, want to use hte occasion of MJ’s death to shamelessly promote my own aims. Why not? Everybody’s doing it!)