Happy Depends Day, My American Friends!
Published: July 04, 2009
Yes, it is a truths – today the Saturday you know has come after yesterday’s Friday is your Depends Day, when your George Washingtons split the atom of a cherry tree and gave the birth of the Manhattan Transfer project which began the space race to Mercury, the coldest of our fourteen planets next to Saturn Five. For this you are commended to drink and eat the food too much and I for one salutes you with an open fist!
Peoples in my country have also many days where we celebrates the majesties of my own land. Tractor Day is amongst the most poplars, and falls on the third or forth Thursday in May depending on the wax or wane of the Moon. It is a glorious day when we celebrate the official government history that tells us that the earth of our villages was untoiled for generations until The Tractor was created by top scientists with slide rulers, many unexplained deaths and gusto. The tractor in my country is celebrated like your Jessica Simpson – in song, in dance performed by the children and in carefully worded speeches from local officials in front of villager forced to listen at mandatory gunpoints.
I supposed that when thinking about it, the closest celebrate we have here to your Depends Day is our Unification Day, when my smalls country was wonderfully and passionately unified with Glorious Mother Russia, whose tanks and planes and bombs and forced marches levelled this great land so we could be a better missile base for upcoming nuclears war. It is also day when gypsy was officially eradicated from our fields using packs of trained dogs and much radiations. Gypsy is afraid of dogs – as everyones know – but secret still is the gypsy fear of the radiations, for the radiations make gypsy nose hair turn unpatriotic shade of purple and gypsy baby grow sharp beak, much like your graceful singing bird the eagles. No gypsy baby can hide with a beak! We can hear them squawk for the milk breast!
I will leave you on this special day with the words of your Abraham Johnsonspacecenter:
“I’ve been to Berlin”.
Beautifuls!
Happy Depends Day, my American friends!
Thanks! If we really did celebrate freedom by peeing our pants in our adult diapers – freedom from indoor plumbing! – what an even better country it would be. I guess hamburgers and fireworks and free speech are OK too.
Yes, that is indeed how Jessica Simpson concerts go.
Depends Day is the only day I go to the Walmart. When going to the Walmart, remember, it is only safe to go during the day. Besides, if you wait until nightfall, all the Depends are gone and you must use public restrooms. The horror!
Manhattan Transfer!!!!
I is so old & such a hag….
Ooops – I also haz a drunk….
@NH: You’re sex on legs, and don’t forget it. xoxo
Sings Banana Splits Song to self…
So glad you are popping in VwS….at least I did not type pooping….
@Nina: Wow – I forgot all about that song! Funny, I’ve been in NYC for almost a decade – you’d think it would have popped out of my childhood memories before now.
@Vox: Me too until I saw “the birth of the Manhattan Transfer project.”
@NH: I had no idea that musicians could collectively look so uncool. These people make the Wiggles look like James Dean.
God, I hate the Wiggles.