20 Things About Things You Could Do For Independence Day
Published: July 03, 2009
01.) Over consume your favorite intoxicant. This step could also be applied to the end of any of these options, naturally.
02.) Try the latest in eyebrow fashion: Singed.
03.) Play Egyptian Rat Screw with friends and family. Seriously, this violent card game is easy to learn and incredibly fun to play.
04.) Exercise your freedoms. Go streaking.
05.) Watch 1776 the musical on VHS (and if you can find a copy on DVD please let me know).
06.) Freak out gramps with those fun little poppers.
07.) Animal Planet has been running Herzog’s documentary Grizzly Man. Just sayin’.
08.) Grieve some more for Michael Jackson. But if you’ve donned your jerry curl, keep it away from the sparklers.
09.) Rock the handlebars. Just sayin’.
10.) Take a moment and reflect on how this will be the first Independence Day since Bush administration was kicked to the curb. Things are still in the shitter, sure, but perhaps this year the celebration won’t be ironic.
11.) Shoot your old, shitty computer:
12.) Get caught up on the episodes of Kings taking up space on your DVR.
13.) Make fun of mimes.
14.) Karaoke. We’re comin’ to America. Today! Just sayin’.
15.) If your town does a parade and people camp out and save spots with blankets and such, round up as many old blankets from your local thrift stores as you can, put ‘em out in all the best spots, and piss people the hell off when nobody comes to claim ‘em.
16.) Being on the throwing end of water balloons = awesome. Just sayin’.
17.) Finish reading Disgrace for book club.
18.) Update your facebook status. Perhaps something about your plans. And if you’ll be leaving the house, make sure to include for how long. And perhaps your address. And where you keep the spare key. Thanks.
19.) Exercise your freedoms. Flip the bastards off.
20.) Attend an anti-immigration rally, like this Mexican man with a camera:
America. Fuck yeah.
Images and video via the internets.
I spent the holiday losing my star on that “other” website. Let freedom ring!
Also, there’s some all-you-can-eat ice cream thing going on near Independence Hall, so I’ll probably do that. Delish!
HAPPY DEPENDS DAY, MY AMERICAN FRIENDS!
I’m spending the weekend proofreading my mother’s new manuscript and figuring out where I will spend the winter. There’s a Goodwill box down the road a piece I’ve got my eye on.
Dahl: I know! WTF was that all about anyway? Jessica Biel? Nonsense. They overlooked you for a star for way too long, then they finally give you one, and then they take it away over a throwaway comment about Man Shoulders Biel?
I have an overdeveloped sense of justice. Don’t mind me.
Hey, Dahl – your star is back that Other site. So, um, never mind my rant.