The Smokies – Just Got Back From Camping Smelling Like Smoke God I Love The Great Outdoors Edition

Sorry to keep you all in suspense.  Nature called.  It was a booty call, actually.  I’ve unpacked but I’m unshowered.  Can you smell the river?  The campfire?  The skewered and roasted polish sausages that were burnt and ashy on the outside but still cold and mushy on the inside but you still cover them in hot sauce and eat them and love it because camping is effing awesome?

Huh?  Can you?

I imagine I’ll be doing a lot of this in the next few months.  I’ll need volunteers for smokies.  Perhaps you could trade in a smokie (and shouldn’t it be ’smoky’?) for a chance to pick the winners.  Anyone?  Anyone?

Honestly though, as I stated in my 21 More Things About Me post, I just won’t have as much time to devote to features like this as I did.  Another idea might be turning this into a nomination feature.  I’ll post a reminder on Friday morning for all you guys to send me your picks for smokies via email, I can copy and paste, and it really would save me so much time.

Or, if anyone feels up for it, anyone who reads all the comments like I try to do (you know who you are), pick half a dozen or so comments that shine and send them to me via email, or even draft up a post yourself.

Really, you should just go for it if you want to do it.  It’s quite simple.  It goes a little something like this:

A smokie a piece goes to ChillbearLatrigue, LipstickLibrarian, and Sproing, for this brilliant interchange on A Unified Theory Of Neil Gaiman:

ChillbearLatrigue:

Sproing, this is just a fine plan. We shall be greeted as liberators. But there’s something that you need to know. If Chillbear is going to be part of any operation, Chillbear gets to throw the grappling hook over the wall. Also, what are our rescue outfits going to look like? Bruce Lee Enter the Dragon garb or Starship Trooper armor? I’m so excited about this. If we all help out with the attic, how long do you think it will be before we can burglarize this guy’s house?

LipstickLibrarian:

I’ll distract him while you guys do the dirty work.

Okay, the other dirty work.

ChillbearLatrigue:

That sounds more like it will distract us. I don’t want to get hit with a set of errant nun-chucks.

LipstickLibrarian:

Nunchucks? Oh, these are anal beads.

I’m a lover, not a fighter.

Sproing:

I think we found our sex elemental.

(Tori Amos is so very strangely attractive.  Is it her talent?  Her overt sexuality?  It’s much like the attraction I have for Bjork.

Senor Wences on Haud vir coma Memphis per suus universus mores.:

I didn’t care for the porn. There was a toggle switch on the wall labeled “PORN ON” and “PORN OFF”. When switched to “PORN ON” a deafening buzzer sounded. I immediately switched it back to “PORN OFF”.

Then a couple hours later there was a knock on the door and I heard a guy shout “Porn man!” This old geezer came in and handed me a crusty jar of off-brand petroleum jelly.

Then he held a slice of processed American cheese in front of his mouth and stuck his tongue through and wiggled it around, making moaning sounds.

This went on for a minute, then he ate the cheese and stood there holding out his hand for a tip.

I have no idea how much I gave him. Two Blue Suedes and a Teddy Bear, whatever the fuck that is in regular people money.

(Sounds like a Tori Amos video.)

Another two smokies go to ChillbearLatrigue and BeRightBack, for the genius back and forth on Micro-Fiction Roundup V: Shorts Due Tomorrow!:

ChillbearLatrigue:

As much as I love your torso, BRB, you have some bizarre taste in lingerie. Are those pantaloons?

BeRightBack:

Chillbear: My upper thighs are filled with secrets, and sometimes I need “overflow” storage to contain them.

ChillbearLatrigue:

BRB: I see. Consider my flirty comment withdrawn.

(I’d like to see Tori Amos’ overflow.  Withdrawn indeed.)

This week’s Mechanical Larynx award goes to both Senor Wences and Vaquero for everything they posted on Wordsmoker Private Messaging – Not Working Yet.

This week’s much coveted Iron Lung award goes to the one, the only Senor Wences for the brilliant travel journal, Haud vir coma Memphis per suus universus mores. I look forward to the next entry on Oklahoma.

Congratulations all!  Now for a shower.  And my email address for nominations or volunteerism is samuraipandapoetry (at) yahoo (dot) com.